


Blood on the Dancefloor

by redpenfics



Category: Bon Jovi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Blood, F/M, M/M, Undead, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 11:43:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 42
Words: 45,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16367252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redpenfics/pseuds/redpenfics
Summary: Jon turned vampire against his will, looking for love in the world full of pain and suffering...





	1. The Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> My biggest pride and joy. Alternate Universe, yet everything feels so human. Enjoy!

He remembered the bite. You just can’t unkiss the memory of your first time. Did it hurt? Yes. Did he expect that? No. Actually, he would laugh in your face if you even hinted there was something like this. 

They were fooling around as usual. The boys ass drunk, messing around with beautiful girls who couldn’t say no to the kinkiest of wishes. Best life ever. Gallons of cheap booze and different kinds of high. To him the highest high was and always had been MUSIC. Dancing slowly with an unbelievably sexy blonde, he was placing tender kisses on her soft lips, gradually deepening the kiss so it would match the groovy tunes filtering from the loudspeakers in the stuffy room. The girl was rather drunk but her perfumes were driving him crazy. Her lush curls tickling his hot skin while he was embracing her, his hands firmly on her back while he was rocking his hips against her. He saw Richie out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t waste his time, either. A leggy blonde was melting in his arms, soft moans escaping her slightly parted lips as he was cupping her round ass. Dave was sitting in the dark corner, his face hidden behind thick blonde hair of some girl who was eating sweet bullshit straight from his lips. She was sitting in his lap, straddling him, so it was basically lovemaking with their clothes on. Tico was not far away, engrossed in a conversation with a latino beauty, his hand resting on her thigh making some bold moves upwards. She was biting her lip, staring deeply into his eyes, fully aware of what was going on and where it was leading them. 

Alec was nowhere to be seen but Jon didn’t think much of it. The guy liked to sneak out to have a quick one and return the next day so nobody really cared nor asked any questions. He was the one who had that rock persona that came so naturally to him like he was already born with it. Large, soulful eyes, piercing gaze and wisdom beyond years. He was a mysterious type. He didn’t even play the bass well, his falsetto annoying on the ears but he oozed self-confidence and some kind of arrogance and cockiness that made you intimidated and drawn into the man at the same time.

Jon drew apart from his beautiful companion and headed towards the table where all sorts of bottles were scattered on, some of them already empty. He extended his hand to grab a bottle of some red wine to take a few big gulps and return to his lady when he felt a tight grip on him, somebody holding him firmly from behind. Initially he got startled but his voice stuck in his throat, making him unable to make a sound. 

“Shhh,” a hushed voice silenced him, falling like a calming mantra on Jon’s ears. He felt his head was shifted to one side and gasped when he felt the other man’s hand caressing his exposed neck.

“Ahh,” a strained whisper left his mouth when he felt hungry lips on his skin and then hissed in pain when sharp teeth sank slowly but surely into that soft spot on his neck where his blood was flowing fiercely in his veins.

Strong arms were holding him close as his body was weakening, knees giving up so he was slowly slumping over to the floor. Finally, Jon hung his head, thick auburn hair covering his face as he stayed there almost lifeless in the death embrace. He barely registered a soft voice in his ear asking him to make a choice and just nodded. He felt he was hanging between the living and the dead and the pain became unbearable. He was dying and yet, he couldn’t die. His body was burning like fire and his soul was tightening in his chest, then bursting within its confines. A sudden coldness filled up his body, shivers running through.

“Just kill me already,” he groaned with pain, dry tears burning his bloodshot eyes.

“Your wish is my command,” a hoarse whisper hit his ears and then a thousand needles pricked his neck, life force leaving him, his whole body on fire. He convulsed, an uncried scream trapped in his throat as he fell dead. He absent-mindedly touched his aching neck and before he closed his eyes, he could see blood on his fingertips. He turned his head in the last desperate attempt to see who was the one who took his life away.

“Alec,” he gasped, his sight fading, the contours of the room blurring.

“At your service,” a proud smirk on the bloody mouth, dark pupils glowing in the dimmed light.


	2. The Awakening

Jon woke up feeling completely and utterly cold, numbness reigning in his empty body. He turned wearily and moved his arm so he could touch his leg, bent in a weird way, little beads of sweat covering his unnaturally pale skin. He squeezed his leg to see if he could feel anything and hissed with pain, realizing he was stronger than ever before, his grip almost bone-crushing. He suddenly got scared, his heart beating furiously in his chest, nagging thoughts like a beast clawing at his brain from the inside.

_Turned into a monster._

He gasped in horror, his breathing heavy and loud in an empty room creating an eerie echo in his ears. He touched his face frantically, looking for any changes in his appearance but found his features were still there, intact. He sighed with relief and tried to get up, his body aching all over, impossible thirst making him dizzy.

_Oh God._

He moaned with pain, trying to balance himself once standing, holding on to the wall so he wouldn’t fall to his feet again. The bloody kiss was still fresh in his mind, making him nauseous again and again.

_Why me?_

A hopeless cry left his dry mouth as he was moving forward, burning tongue swelling inside. His head was hung heavily, eyes half-closed as if the break of day was blinding him.

Suddenly, a wonderful smell hit his nostrils, filling him up with joyous delight. He raised his hands and the smell became more and more distinctive. He looked at his bruised knuckles, blood oozing from the wounds. He remembered he scratched the skin while looking the way out, like a blind man. He drew his hands closer to his face, the smell became unbearable on his senses. Before he could understand what he was doing, he took a lick of the bloody skin, thrill of ecstasy running through his whole body, from head to toes. The whole room just spun out of control as his eyes rolled back. 

He didn’t know how long he stayed like this but when he came back from the dead, he was strangely himself again. He looked around the room and smirked.

"Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger," he said in an undertone. He straightened the crumpled leather jacket and raked his hand through his lush dark blonde mane. His soulless eyes could see so much more, his heightened senses guided him, his increased strength made him feel invincible. He knew there was so much more to his new condition of body and mind and he was sure it would be hell of a ride to discover who he really was. Who he became. 

***

Jon returned to his room early in the morning, unseen and unheard. He thought he would react negatively to daylight but to his surprise, it wasn’t that big of a nuisance. He made another mental note not to follow some archaic, stereotypical approach to vampires.

_Vampires._

Jon twisted his face at the thought. How come he grew comfortable with being one so fast? He was a monster, for fuck’s sake! A blood-thirsty, soulless creature who had to feed on mortals to keep his empty shell of a body ‘alive.’ He allowed himself a hollow laugh at what he had just thought.

_Vampires can’t see their reflection in the mirror._

Another fleeting thought came across his weary and feeble mind.

_Bullshit._

He cracked a smile, his strangely alluring self looking back at him. Jon noticed his face features sharpened. He was himself and yet, he wasn’t. He touched his face. It wasn’t as cold as before.

“Let’s see if a vamp can take a piss,” Jon murmured to himself and unzipped his pants. “Voila!” He almost screamed when the deed was done as usual. No blood dripping out of his dick, no painful cramps of losing life power through leaking anything outside. Jon chuckled to himself.

_Oh God, it’s more fun I’d thought it’d be._

He went out of the bathroom and sat down on a bed. He felt rested and full of energy again. He glanced at his knuckles. They were miraculously healed, with no blood marks over them.  
Suddenly, he heard footsteps in the corridor. He knew who it was before he heard a knock on the door. He opened it with a broad grin on his face, his white teeth almost blinding.

“I know you were worried, love. It’s OK, though,” Jon said, taking the other man in a tight embrace and stroking the dark hair. “I just disappeared for a little while but I’m back better than ever.”

Richie looked up, worry still imprinted in his features.

“I was looking for you everywhere but you weren’t there. I had this weird feeling something really bad happened to you.”

Jon smiled at his friend and caressed his cheek with his thumb. Richie tried to look into his eyes but couldn’t get across.

“Something happened, though?” he suddenly gasped out, his face turned pale.

Jon pursed his lips in a mocked smile but he mocked himself - and mocked his mind because it could move into a smile of anything. He reached for the knob behind Richie’s back and closed the door.

“I just lost my soul, Richie. I died. I died and was born again.”

And then he drew closer to his guitarist, taking his smell in. His smell was calming on his senses, yet turning him on.

“You smell so good,” he murmured as he embraced the man, the warmness of his body thawing the cold away.

“Jon?”

Jon cast his eyes in his direction, curious all of a sudden.

“I can’t feel you.”

Jon cupped the dark-haired man’s cheek and caressed it with affection. Then he smiled and put his lips on the other man’s mouth. He felt Richie’s body stiffened at the touch.

“You’re so cold.”

Jon closed his eyes, a pang of sorrow and anger rising in his chest. He finally understood the price. He drew away but felt unable to cry. He looked into those dark eyes, being fully aware of the genuine love and affection and his own inability to love him back he deserved.


	3. The Revelation

Richie looked at Jon, a funny expression on his face, like he’d just realized something.

“Wait. What’s going on? What does it mean 'you lost your soul, died and were born again?' It sounds like a fucking joke I don’t get at all.”

“I need to tell you something. You’d better sit down because it’s not what you or I will ever be prepared for anyway. Nothing’s gonna stay the same again. Jon you know is gone.”

Richie followed Jon to the coffee table and sat opposite the man, still felling anxious. Jon had this serious look on his face, icy blue eyes piercing his eyes like sharp knives, which made him shudder all of a sudden. Richie got the unsettling feeling that what was waiting ahead was pain, lots of unhappiness, and a terrible fear that he was somehow going to lose him. Their emotional connection had always been exceptionally strong like the one you can see between twins and some couples and he could see Jon definitely wasn’t himself, although apparently nothing changed. He still looked like Jon, sounded like Jon, but the unusual coldness and blankness of his stare made him scared out of his mind.

“First of all, what I’m going to say needs to stay just between us. It will be our secret, you understand?”

Richie nodded, never breaking the gaze. He felt a knot in his stomach, nervousness creeping in.

“It has just happened, I’m still getting used to it. It’s not something I’d ever think I’d experience in my life. Well, I don’t know if I’m still alive anyway.”

He snorted as if it amused him but Richie could see the involuntary grimace on his friend’s face.

“Just tell me already!” he cried, finding it difficult to bear it any longer, the tension heavy in the air.

“It sounds so unbelievable you’re just going to think I went insane or took some shit yesterday but man, this is what happened for real. Ever heard about vampires?”

Jon noticed Richie’s stunned look, which almost made him laugh. Yet, the laugh froze in his throat, as soon as he became acutely aware of how creepy and out of place it would appear.

“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

Richie frowned, tongue-tied all of a sudden. He just gestured towards the blonde, pointing at him, an unspoken question forming on his slightly parted lips.

“It’s even worse. Yes, I am a vampire. You’re just facing a fucking monster now!”

When Richie finally did find a voice, he could only gasp out a hushed: “But how?”

“A matter of a few minutes, everything happened so quickly. I got thirsty, wanted to down some wine, when he came from behind and quenched his thirst first. He never gave me any choice because when he actually asked the question, I was already dying…”

Jon found it odd he couldn’t feel anything while telling the story. No angry tears or pangs of grief anymore, just silent acceptance like it was all over. It wasn’t a fairy tale for children, though. It was a new reality for him and for everybody around him.

Richie was trying desperately to understand what Jon had already told him but his mind kept questioning that sequence of events, the idea itself so ridiculous he just wanted to laugh out loud and congratulate his friend on an exceptionally good joke. What left his lips was, in fact, a muffled whisper tainted with dissent and disbelief.

“Tell me you’re joking, please.”

Jon said nothing, a ghost of a smile on his lips. Then he sighed and turned his head to one side so Richie could see the bite mark on his neck. It wasn’t like anything Richie had seen in his life so far. Suddenly a sobering realization dawned on him that this improbable story actually might have happened and he became overwhelmed with emotions. He choked up and shook his head, refusing to accept the truth.

“Who did it? Who the fuck destroyed you?” Richie cried, tears sprang into his eyes and began rolling down his cheeks but it didn’t bring any peace to him.

Jon was sitting still in front of him, looking fixedly at him, as if unmoved by his friend’s breakdown.

“Strange thing happened, Richie. I know I’m alive by the sound of my heartbeat and yet, I can feel nothing. I’m unable to cry. It’s like there’s only numbness and coldness in me and the only pleasurable thing I’ve experienced in my short life was when I had a lick of the fucking blood. It wasn’t even my blood. Mine was drained out of me while I was burning alive, the pain so unbearable I would beg for death. When I woke up… I think I was still in between, in agonizing pain, aching all over… Then I discovered I was myself again, or so I thought. The sunlight doesn’t kill me, I can see my reflection in the mirror. Hell, I can even take a piss and nothing happens. Then you came over and I realized nothing’s OK anymore. I’m not myself and never will be.”

“Who did it to you?” Richie ground his question out, unknowingly clenching his fists, his cheeks streaked with drying up tears.

“The enemy is close. He’s one of us and believe me, he’s dangerous.”

Jon drew closer to his guitarist so he was speaking in kind of a half whisper.

“I’m sure he already knows we’re having this conversation. You can’t imagine how keen our senses are and mind you, I’m yet to discover who I am. Who I’ve become.” 

He stroked the brunette’s cheek and saw the man grimace at the touch. He sighed, took his hand away from his friend’s face and continued in a weary voice.

“Now, when I think about that, it’s pretty obvious. He’s a mysterious type, disappeared so many times without a word late at night only to return in the morning as if nothing happened. We thought he was busy with hot chicks. Fools!”

Richie’s eyes got bigger and bigger, blinding realization dawning on him and bringing with it a fresh rush of fear.

“Alec!”

Jon looked down as if he had to process the answer and then looked up and slowly nodded.

“The man himself."


	4. In The Dark

Richie seemed distracted so Jon smiled at him reassuringly, fighting the urge to touch him, to hug him, to feel him. His frustration began building up in him because he was denied what had been as natural to him as breathing.

He fixed his gaze on the guitarist who hung his head and was fidgeting with his hands. 

_I wish I could hug you without feeling so cold._

His soft voice hit Jon’s ears. He tried to focus all his attention on his friend and felt the guitarist’s nameless sadness of not being able to share the pain of the transformation. Jon realized they weren’t Richie’s actual words but his mere thoughts. He could read his mind! It caught him off-guard and he felt his head spin.

“Oh my God,” he whispered, pressing his hands against his temples and feigning headache. Richie looked up, questioning look on his face.

“Do you think Alec will be after me as well?” Richie asked unexpectedly.

Jon frowned.

“I don’t know.”

“Did you notice anything strange about him before he bit you?”

Richie’s rational reasoning in this unusual situation impressed Jon. He exerted all of his mental efforts to relieve the days just before the fateful night. 

“Well, we actually had this conversation the other night. I confronted him because I got sick of his sloppy guitar playing and being more interested in the whole rock and roll lifestyle than contributing to the band that means so much to me. I’m the fucking namesake, goddammit!”

Jon scratched his chin, deep in thought.

“He didn’t say a word. He looked over silently for a long moment before finally smirking and just left the room. I must say it got me annoyed. I was going to talk to him the following day, that I wasn’t done with the talk and he’d have to take a stand. That day never came.”

Richie clenched his jaws.

“This little fucker got his revenge. I wish I had broken his neck first!”

Jon put his hand on the brunette’s arm, carefully avoiding the exposed skin.

“He’s not a human although he looks like one. Be careful. He may look small but he’s strong enough to kill you in an instant. You know, come to think of it, he could have easily killed me but I’m here. I don’t know. Maybe he has some other plans for me.”

As soon as he’d finished, he felt Richie’s stare on him, his eyes trying to burn through him.

“That cursed creature of the night,” Richie muttered under his breath, blood boiling in his veins. “We don’t know his intentions but do we have any plans, any way of handling the situation? I’m not sure how I should behave in his presence. He’s not a fool.”

Jon squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

“Honest to God, I don’t know. I was born yesterday, however ridiculous it sounds. He’s much older and much powerful than me, that’s one thing I’m painfully aware of. Yet, he wants me to live on. I guess I’ll have to confront him again, even though I’m scared shitless, man. I’m scared shitless of my fucking bassist!”

Richie blinked, his body tense as if he was ready to attack. Stress and confusion took a lot out of him and he felt he couldn’t take it anymore.

“I wish I could do anything but I’m fucking hopeless,” he cried, growing headache making him nauseous.

Jon noticed the guitarist went white as a sheet, his skin covered with sweat.

“Go back to your room and have some rest, Rich,” he spoke calmly.

“I don’t want to leave you,” the brunette protested.

Jon smiled.

“You can stay here. I’m going to phone Dave and Tico. I’m sure they noticed my absence. I must think of some excuse trustworthy enough no to arouse suspicions.”

Richie nodded and got up. Jon saw him coming over to the bed and falling asleep within seconds.

Jon couldn’t help but smile, but at the same time wondered how come this whole thing didn’t wear him out.

_Indestructible._

He went to the living room, carefully closing the door behind him. The guys came soon and seemed to fall for Jon getting sick and spending half the night in the bathroom but reproached him for not having told them before.

“Teek, how the hell would you have helped me?” Jon laughed, patting the drummer on his muscly arm.

“Well, like holding your hair while you vomit?” 

“Aww man, I did pretty well but thanks. I’ll think about that next time.”

Jon flashed his white teeth in a broad grin. David simply stared at him, the serious crease between his blue eyes.

“What’s up, Dave?” Jon asked, trying to sound casually.

“I don’t know. You look different but maybe because you were spitting your guts out for hours.”

“I guess you’re still hangover,” Jon snorted. “Anyway, since we had a killer party yesterday, I think we all deserve a day off. I was going to have some rehearsal later in the afternoon but you’re free, guys. I’ll bet you’re dying to see what France has to offer, especially the night life.”

Jon heard them cheering and gave a small, hollow laugh. He knew how ambiguous it sounded in his ears.

“Richie’s at your place?” Dave asked suddenly.

“Well, yeah. We’re in the bedroom writing some stuff. I guess he’s staying with me today,” Jon got slightly annoyed with his inquisitive friend.

_Does he know something?_

“All right. Good to know you’re better now. Do you guys want to have lunch together? If you don’t want to eat out, we can order something in the hotel restaurant,” Tico suggested, glancing at Dave at his side.

“Thanks but I think we’ll have something here. You know, we don’t want to interrupt our creative flow and stuff,” Jon said with a chuckle. “Anyway, thanks for everything. You’re the best rat pack I could ever hope for.”

He then pulled them in a half embrace, quick enough not to give himself away. As soon as the door had closed, he picked up the phone and ordered some food to the suite.

_Let’s see if the vampires feed only on blood._


	5. The Suspense

When Richie finally woke up from his nap and went out of the bedroom, he saw Jon already waiting for him. He motioned to the table, lavishly set for dinner, and laughed.

“You sure it’s just for the two of us? Even with my hearty appetite, there’s no way we’ll eat it up!”

Jon smiled.

“Don’t worry. You’ll still get the dessert.”

Richie raised his eyebrows questioningly but didn’t answer that one. He wasn’t really sure what Jon meant by dessert and didn’t want to go into that just yet. He sat next to the singer and when the delicious smell of superbly seasoned roast meat filled up his nostrils, he immediately heard his stomach rumbling. Reaching out for a small platter with mixed appetizers, he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Jon was observing him closely. The blonde smiled again.

“You know, it’s funny. The food smells so strong it gives me a headache. I wanted to see whether it’s possible for me to digest human food,” he chuckled at his own words.

Richie looked up, his hand holding a fork froze mid-air.

“Oh, let’s conduct a little experiment and see if vampires can feed on this or it’s only flames and tears now,” Jon pursed his lips and frowned, as if he was in for an unpleasant surprise. He poked a fork tentatively at the salty, meaty flesh of a lobster drenched in creamy butter before he finally took a bite. He was chewing it for a while before swallowing it with one gulp. 

“Oh, delicious,” he mumbled to himself and Richie sighed with relief.

 _Maybe things aren’t that bad,_ he thought to himself while putting food on his plate. They were eating in silence but neither of them could savour the exquisite dinner, unspoken words gnawing at their minds.

Suddenly, Jon started choking and Richie gasped with horror when he saw his best friend rolling his eyes and coughing hard. He was about to jump off to his rescue, when Jon patted his bare arm and burst out laughing. The guitarist’s face darkened. He narrowed his dark eyes and glared at the blonde, his forehead knotted in hurt and anger.

“Do you really think that’s so _amusing_ to me? You can’t believe how fucking worried I am! Wait, I’m fucking frightened now! I’m trying so hard to catch up with everything and it feels like a bloody rollercoaster ripping me apart. I wish I had drunk more vodka so I could blame it on a really bad hangover and not quite cracking a joke.”

He inhaled sharply before continuing in an angry voice.

“Well, Jonny. Tell me one thing. Are you really this bloodsucking monster or just playing a dirty trick on me? If so, I’m already sick of your games.”

There was an almost menacing intensity emanating from the singer. Richie froze on the spot, unable to move or speak, when he saw Jon scooting over in a flash and heard a soft whisper in his ear:

“Maybe it’s because your own eyes are deceiving you. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s not a dream.” He could feel the cold lips curving in a smile against his burning skin, then kissing lightly the tender spot just behind his ear. “I should say _a nightmare,_ right, baby?”

Jon pulled away and smiled but Richie could tell there was something odd about him, something he couldn’t really put his finger on it. His senses were numbed around him, an unknown scent made him dizzy all of a sudden, knotty thoughts making no sense anymore. He realized that although it was only a late afternoon, it was pretty dark in the room and noticed the curtains were drawn. They were two shadows just a moment away from the vibrant daylight dancing outside. He shuddered involuntarily.

“You don’t think I’m the best company, do you? You look like a trapped animal while I’m the evil hunter.”

Jon’s calm voice interrupted his wild train of thoughts and as he looked up, the other man’s face was drawn, pain imprinted in his beautiful features. He wanted to speak but couldn’t get any words out so he just shook his head.

“I won’t hurt you,” Jon said in a quiet voice. “I just wanted to play a joke on you and what actually happened was that I learnt you are fucking scared of me. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to see this day. No. If I were still a mortal, it’d actually break my heart. But since I’m just a soulless beast, it seems my sense of humour is kinda lifeless, too,” he forced a laugh while setting his old, unflinching eyes on him.

Richie blinked, getting overwhelmed again. The constant mood changes confused the hell out of him.

“Man, I didn’t mean to lash out at you, either. It’s just it’s the most bizarre situation I’ve ever found myself in. So much is happening at once and I have a rather weak grasp of reality, if you ask me! I look at you and I see you but you’re acting strange. So as now you move faster than the speed of light, maybe you read my mind and can float on air, too?” 

Jon coughed.

“Haven’t tried the latter, actually.”

Richie’s pupils dilated like saucers, his breath stilled.

“You must be joking,” he choked, suddenly embarrassed.

“Nope. You wanted the truth, and nothing but the truth, so here you are. I read minds. You’ve seen it all.”

“So, what… what do you know?”

“I only know you and me are in deep shit.”

 _That’s very comforting,_ Richie thought to himself.

“Yeah, very comforting,” Jon chuckled at Richie’s startled expression.

“I can’t believe you’re invading my privacy like that. Fuck, I can’t even keep my fucking thoughts to myself.”

“I’m sorry, Rich. It’s not something I chose to be able to do. I just wanted you to know I’m not making lame jokes anymore. It’s what’s there and we must embrace it, whether we like it or not.”

The guitarist contorted his face in frustration.

“So while you’ve already had me like that, then maybe just finish the deed and kill me, because honestly, all I've got left is my blood.”

Jon squinted and came so close, Richie could feel his breath on his face.

“Is that what you want?”

Richie could feel cold sweat running down his neck as he looked into those big, unnaturally dark eyes.

“I don’t know.”


	6. The Thirst

Jon was facing his guitarist and silently looking at the pulsating veins in the other man’s neck. He could hear the blood flowing fiercely; the noise was getting louder and louder in his skull until it sounded more like a waterfall splashing into a pond. He twisted his face, suddenly taken over by an irresistible feeling of something entering his body. The thirst nearly overpowered him. 

_The urge to kill is a part of who you are._

The throbbing jugular vein mesmerized him as his right hand stretched unconsciously. Oh, how much he wanted to touch that spot! Pulsating with life... and light. He parted his lips, swollen tongue darting to his surprisingly sharp upper teeth. Excruciating pain consumed his whole body causing severe cramps as the muscles tightened. He got really dizzy and unable to continue their conversation. Richie noticed with horror how restless he became.

“Jon?” he asked breathlessly, trying to overcome his own fear but his shaky voice gave him away.

As time went by, Jon turned increasingly pale and his eyes took on a sharp gleam.

“I need out,” he finally spoke and stared at his companion. “I think we’ll go back to it tomorrow. You’re free to do whatever you please.”

Richie wanted to stop him but found himself unable to move. Instead, he just stood there as the other man silently left the room.

***

Jon was rushing through the corridors, pushed so far past his capacity for pain it made him nauseous. When he finally got out of the building, he noticed the sky was already painted with fiery colours of the bloody sunset. He thought to himself with irony that it matched his inner desires so well at that moment. He wanted blood and he wanted it so much it made him sick to the stomach. He realized that all the food and wine he’d consumed before couldn’t quench his thirst and was like paper or a sip of water while the true meal was waiting for him somewhere to be devoured. He kept on going, hundreds of people passing him by. They gave off distinct smells and were surrounded with different auras but he knew he couldn’t feed on them in public. He had to hide his true identity like an outcast, forced to live in the shadows. Suddenly, he found himself walking down the boulevard, which led to the Monceau Park. He went past an abandoned church and wondered whether he could pray to God anymore. He smiled in spite of himself. How come he cared about religious practices while being a recovering Catholic that he used to be? How come he still cared about all those silly things the mortals do while he became a sophisticated predator, nature's perfect killing machine?

There were less and less people around him and finally, he realized he was the only one walking that path. The faint sound of a clap of thunder broke the silence of his solitary walk and as he looked up, he could see that the heavy clouds darkened the sky and lightning appeared in the distance.

"Perfect weather for hunting," he mumbled to himself and quickened the pace. Soon he found himself at the demolition zone on the site of a former hotel and saw two young women in their twenties sitting under the tree, immersed in a lively discussion. He could hear them from afar and laughed under his breath when he learned it was about the book's themes.

“Silly girls. So you like reading romance novels, huh? Let’s act out some sexual scenes, then,” he muttered to himself and slowly approached them. They noticed him only when he was a few steps from them and screamed out in unison.

“I know I’m good-looking but never thought I’d make girls go that crazy,” he chuckled. “I’m sorry to interrupt you but since I’m here and there’s a storm coming so we got nowhere to hide, I could keep you company, if you don’t mind? In the world I live in, one doesn't often meet such beautiful ladies.”

The women glanced at each other and at him again, a shy smile playing on their lips. Jon felt relieved the shock wore off so quickly and the women fell under his spell just as easily.

 _A master of seduction,_ he thought with satisfaction, flashing his big smile at them and relishing in their embarrassment. They looked fragile with those flowery dresses clinging to their girlish figures, long wavy reddish hair falling on their back. They looked so alike he thought they had to be sisters. Same fair skin, shapely noses, little mouths and those big grey eyes set in their beautiful faces reminded him of porcelain dolls his grandma once showed him when he was a child. He felt himself so enchanted by the petite beauties that he forgot about his thirst for a moment.

“Thank you. That’s very kind, erm…,” one of them said quietly, her French accent thick in her voice.

“Oh, pardon! Let me introduce myself. My name’s Jon.”

“I’m Emile.”

“And I’m Valérie.”

Jon smiled broadly and bowed to kiss each woman’s outstretched hand. They blushed slightly and he knew he had them in the palm of his hand.   
Suddenly, the wind picked up and the leaves were hovering in the air with the first raindrops. The sound of thunder growled nearby and startled them.

“Let’s go and hide over there,” Jon shouted, motioning to the run-down building in front of them. He helped the women to their feet and they hurried to stay out of the rain. Once inside, they found themselves in a dark corridor lined with countless doors on both sides.

“I’m scared,” Valérie whispered to her sister, clutching to her arm.

“I’m scared, too,” the other woman replied in a hushed voice.

Jon could smell their fear and it became so arousing to him, he barely contained himself. He took a few deep breaths before he turned around and faced them.

“Let’s find a room that’s in fairly good condition. A lot of them are uninhabitable but I’m sure there must be something with a window still in.”

He ran ahead while the women were following him, taking careful steps to avoid pieces of glass and metal scattered around on the floor. Most rooms were empty, only few had doors which lacked doorknobs and the wind was blowing through broken windows making that howling sound that frightened them to death.


	7. The Hunt

“Voilà!” Jon yelled after he’d found a room which seemed to be still in fairly pristine condition. There was even a bed with a thick brown blanket and a dusty desk in the corner with richly ornamented edges. A lone chair against the wall had this spooky and intriguing feeling. Bolts of lightning lighted up the sky time and again, bringing the sensation of a daylight coming through the dirty window panes.

“We shouldn’t have stayed here that long, Emile,” Valérie moaned silently.

“It’s because of that damn book!” her sister hissed in response.

Jon realized all of his senses were heightened in the dark so he could see and hear them with ease. The heat emanating from their bodies gave him unexpected solace. The desire to taste their blood made him feel like he was about to make love for the very first time and made him so excited his hands curled into fists.

“You said you were reading some book. We have nothing to do here and need to wait till the storm passes over, anyway. Do you mind my asking a question what is the book about?”

The women jumped on the bed as they almost forgot about Jon’s presence when his voice interrupted their thoughts.

“Oh, um, just a novel. We like to come here for peace and quiet.”

Jon smiled.

“Actually, I like being on my own, too. I usually go jogging early in the morning or in the evening when there are few people around.”

“You aren’t from here, are you? The US?”

“That’s right! Came here on vacation. I like autumn time because it’s off season and most holidaymakers are back home.”

“Have you been here before? You seem to be familiar with the place. We’ve come here so many times and we didn’t even know there was that backdoor here.”

Jon felt Emile’s eyes set on him. That woman fascinated him. He moved his chair closer to the bed so now he was almost touching her knees with his own.

“Let me guess. You were reading a romance novel. When two people meet and they fall in love?”

He bit his lip and slowly touched her hands resting on her lap. She flinched but didn’t move. He caressed her skin with his fingers and moved slowly upwards till he gently grabbed her wrists, never breaking eye contact.

The night was drawing near as darkness thickened the air. Valérie saw the two flirting and had that weird feeling in the pit of her stomach that things were going in the terribly wrong direction. She couldn’t believe that this handsome stranger could deprive her sister of any sense of self-preservation.

“I think we should get going now. The storm seems to have calmed down a bit and it’s getting really late. Our parents will be worried about us, Emile. There are already two missed calls on my phone,” she said in a low voice but the undertone of annoyance in her words was just too evident.

“Oh, stop it. We’re not little children anymore. If you can’t stand being in the same room, then go and call them. We’ll stay here,” she looked Jon in the eye and lowered her gaze in a seductive way, her lips pursed in a sly smile.

“As you like,” she stood up and left the room in a huff.

Jon gave Emile a knowing grin and scooted over so now he was sitting next to her. He started moving his hand up her arm again till he reached her upper chest exposed by the neckline of her dress. After caressing the sensitive skin with his fingertips, he drew close to plant a kiss on the dimple that appeared on her shoulder as she tilted her head back. His lips moved upwards as he was kissing the side of her neck, desire building up in him so violently he was on the edge of sanity. She wiggled around a little, little moans escaping her parted lips. Jon felt his whole body was on fire not only because he was making out with such a beautiful girl but because his hollowed out veins would soon fill up with her delicious, fragrant smelling blood. When he sucked that vibrant spot, just moment before he sank his fangs into that thin veil of a skin, he felt her fingers clench in the fabric of his shirt. He cupped her breast with his other hand and played with her nipple to distract her as he began sipping slowly, agonizingly slowly, so she didn’t even notice he was draining her of her life force. She was under a spell or sort of orgasmic stupor, eyes half closed as everything was spinning around her. 

Jon felt her young blood hit his arteries, spreading the warmness in his whole body. The pleasure of it almost numbed him of his senses. He couldn’t remember a time he felt so high in his life, no drugs or sexual release could compare. Her fragile figure tensed as soon as she was losing her soul to death. She opened her eyes in horror but found herself unable to move, excruciating pain overwhelming her. Her body shivered and a muffled cry escaped her lips as she drew her final breath. Jon looked at her, cold and lifeless in his arms now, but finding no sadness or remorse for claiming her young life.

_You killed her. You cold-blooded creature of the night._

He look indifferently into her wide-open glassy eyes but didn’t have time to think twice as he heard the footsteps in the corridor. He put her down on the bed and turned his face towards the door just in time Valérie passed through the doorway.

“Thank you for the company, Jon, but it’s time to go. Our parents are on the way. They should be here in a few minutes.”

Only after did she notice her sister lying on the bed. She frowned and made a few steps towards them but before she even opened her mouth, she felt Jon’s body over hers as he was pinning her against the cold wall. She gasped in horror, her eyes wild open, when he smiled at her and she noticed the unnaturally long fangs dripping with something that looked like blood. She choked as the sudden realization dawned on her but Jon had already locked his teeth in her flesh, hungrily drinking her blood and relishing in the sweet aroma of her fear. While drinking Emile’s blood was like making gentle love, Valérie’s terror turned him on as if his kinkiest wishes were being fulfilled here and now. He pressed his body close to her, rocking against her hips. Her body was withering in his arms but he couldn’t stop. When he felt something really cold brushing against his hot skin, he already knew her soul had left the body. 

He dropped the lifeless shell and looked around. The storm was long over but there was a complete darkness outside the window now. He could hear some muffled cries in the blowing wind and he knew the women’s parents had arrived at the spot. He looked at the corpses again and sighed.

_Creatures once human, corrupted by darkness._

He opened the window and jumped down. 

Moments later he was sweeping through the streets, cold wind burning hot against his cheeks but tears wouldn’t flow.


	8. The Comeback

Jon entered the foyer of the hotel and headed for the elevators, ignoring everybody that was hanging around. Normally, he’d go for the stairs but this time his fear somehow disappeared. He was still high on his feed, fresh blood pulsating in his veins and bringing him bliss he could only compare to the afterglow after a session of long and satisfying lovemaking. He was silently going through long corridors until he found the door to his room. He didn’t expect Richie to be waiting for him so once he caught the sight of his friend sleeping on his bed, still in his clothes, something stirred inside him. He told to himself that maybe he just fell asleep but he knew that Richie never did anything randomly. He was fully aware of Richie’s achingly anxious stare just before he hurried to the door and out of the hotel so he could kill. This was his own trade-off for living now and the other man was as involved as a human could be. 

Jon took a deep breath and closed the door. Without a soul weighing him down, he could see in the dark perfectly but he decided to turn on the lights. Richie was exceptionally strong but he didn’t want to burden him with more than he could handle. He crept towards the bed and sat at the edge, nudging his arm a little. Richie moaned, waking up slowly from his sleep and blinking his eyes to the light a few times.

“What are you doing here?” Jon whispered, studying his friend’s face closely. Richie wasn’t fully awake yet but he realized Jon had just returned.

“Where have you been?” he asked in a groggy voice.

Jon smiled and stroked his messy hair, biting his bottom lip. He shook his head and looked to the side, taking a deep breath. He got startled when he felt Richie’s grip on his arm and looked back at him.

“You’re warm again. You killed them?”

The question sounded more like a statement and Jon just declined his head in a silent nod. The grip loosened but didn’t let go.

“What now?” 

Jon shook his head again without looking up.

“I don’t know.”

“Look at me.”

Jon slowly lifted his head until he met those brown eyes he loved so much. He felt shame and ambivalence at once as he knew it was something that was more powerful than him.

“Two girls. Sisters. Beautiful, red hair, petite. Their parents… they arrived too late.”

Richie’s eyes were still set on him. Once he realized he wasn’t judging him, Jon closed his eyes shut.

“I…,” he stuttered but Richie squeezed his arm so hard he hissed.

“Stop it,” the guitarist answered in a hushed whisper and then caressed his arm with his thumb. Jon got the message and felt the icicle in his heart melt a little.

“Rich…,” he started but his voice wouldn’t come out.

“I know. But you’re back,” Richie sighed and Jon could tell it was partly relief and partly painful realization dawning on him.

“Do you…?” 

Another unspoken question knotted his throat. He was surprised how much the other man’s reaction would affect his sense of guilt. He swallowed hard, trying to distract himself so as not to be able to read minds.

Richie looked at him and got up to a sitting position. He reached out and grabbed him, putting his arms around him. Jon felt himself dragged down till he was sort of sitting in Richie’s lap.

“Richie,” he said but soon he was hushed with a kiss on the lips. They remained stuck in this position, between a conversation and locked lips. The only sound was their silent breathing and pounding in their chests, the tension waiting for the spark to ignite the fire. 

The kiss deepened. Jon did his best not to cut his lover’s warm flesh with his sharp fangs but failed and felt this fragrant smell again. It went straight to his groin and he heard himself inhaling sharply.

“I’m sorry,” he said simply, fighting the urge to sink his fangs into that welcoming mouth. It was different than the virgin blood. He’d think that was the ultimate pleasure but this was different. The smell, it made him weak. He realized love caused his senses to go numb.

“Don’t be,” Richie said, pulling him close and firmly locking his lips with his. Jon moaned. It was so long since he kissed those lips, since he felt that wild fire spreading through him. He pressed against him, every living fiber clinging to him. Richie smiled into the kiss.

“It’s still you,” he sucked on the bottom lip, his arms around him. Jon felt he was floating on air, warmness spreading from his toes to the top of his head. He kept hugging him as if he was afraid the other one would leave him. He dug his hands in his best friend’s hair and inhaled the sweet scent of a shampoo. Richie’s hands were around him, never letting him go. When he felt those long fingers tracing his spine back and forth, he finally lost it. He pressed up against the warm body and felt his cheeks got wet with tears. It surprised and enthralled him at once.

“I love you,” a whisper barely heard hit his ears. Jon tightened his grip, almost suffocating his best friend.

“I’m a monster. I’m a beast,” Jon whispered back, his chest tightening. He loved him so much and yet, he knew he had to stay away from him. The love of his life. His heart sank at the very thought.

“Take me. Take me with you,” a silent voice hit his ears again, his heart missing a beat all of a sudden. Jon realized how much it would actually take.

“I can’t. You’re such a pure soul,” Jon said with a pained voice.

“You’re as pure as me. It is just a matter of circumstances, Jon. You did what you had to do.”

Jon went quiet for a moment and then rose slowly so he was standing in front of Richie again.

“It’s getting late. I’m gonna lie down and take some rest. I don’t think I’m the best company around right now.”

Richie got the hint. He stood up so now he was facing Jon. He wanted to touch that face tormented by pain but he knew it wasn’t the best time.

“See you in a few hours then. Goodnight.”

They embraced briefly. Jon was looking at Richie’s back as he was walking away to his suite, all thoughts escaping his mind all of a sudden, his heart heavy with the weight of all he’d said and done.

“Goodnight.”

***

When he woke up the next day, his head was heavy with dark thoughts. He barely slept that night because he knew the worst was still waiting ahead. He had to confront Alec and finally talk to Dorothea. He promised her to define his expectations as she said she wouldn’t guess. The band had to play that night and Jon felt he was broken into pieces. His former self was peeking through his tarnished armor of a new identity, yet dwelling in his old body. Confusion and pain clouded his mind so much he just sort of went on auto-pilot, taking a quick shower and making himself some coffee. He felt he couldn’t swallow any food at that moment, his guts wrenched at the very thought. The stolen blood was still circulating in his body, the warmness making him more human than he actually was. When he recalled the entire conversation he had with Richie the night before, a little moan escaped his lips. He never wanted this love more than now and yet, all his efforts to give it back went in vain. Or so he thought.


	9. Give and Take

Jon was going through his busy schedule for the day. They had planned two consecutive concerts in the city before moving to Germany for a couple more shows to fulfill the tour commitments and go home. He missed his family but most of all, he missed Dorothea. They agreed not to phone each other in the meantime so when he was back from the tour, they would have this conversation as to decide whether they were back together or break up for good. She was patient and understanding but even she got her limits. Jon was torn between love and lust, duty and desire. One thing was certain, though. He loved her as much as he was capable of loving a woman. He’d been with so many of them and she was the only one he felt so perfectly in tune he just couldn’t believe his luck. Yet, he was still young and restless and starting a family was low on his priority list. They’d dated on and off for several years now and he knew she wouldn’t wait much longer. He had to make a decision at last. He pushed that thought to the back of his mind but as the end of the tour was drawing near, he had to dig it up whether he liked it or not. He heaved a sigh, knowing it would be one of the most difficult conversations he’d ever had but he knew that life in general was about compromising. You had to lose in order to get something else. 

And then there was Richie. They’d had this thing going on for several months already. They somehow grew so comfortable around each other they didn’t even notice when their friendship turned swiftly into much more. Friends into lovers. 

_Wasn’t that the same with Dorothea?_

Jon shook his head. He actually couldn’t wait till they got more intimate. She was his pal’s girlfriend and he knew he’d have to steal her but his affection was stronger than anything else. He lost a friend but won her love so he had little regrets or so he kept telling himself. But Richie? No, neither of them could predict that to happen.

Amidst all that chaos of becoming super rich and famous, surrounded by fellow musicians and music critics who were, in fact, jealous throat-cutters pretending to be friends, and easy women barely satisfying their need for intimacy, they wanted to keep up some degree of normalcy. It was during one of their hang out sessions, trying to write anything with all their sweat and blood, when they found some relief in a hasty kiss. The kiss, which soon turned into a messy making out, ripping their clothes off in the process until they got naked and started rubbing against each other. They were so immersed in their lovemaking that their brains didn’t even register it as such. Jon would gasp afterwards, asking “What have we done?” again and again, while Richie would lie on his back and just stare at the ceiling. 

Nothing was the same afterwards. Their new definition of normalcy was their frequent making out while writing songs, until they crossed all the lines and barriers. Jon found out he preferred to be the submissive one in their relationship but they occasionally tried some kind of a role reversal. Then, they ditched all the groupies, after the fear of possible coming out in front of their bandmates and the crew became less painful than the jealousy that crept into their relationship and refused to leave, even though they wanted to pretend it was only for fun and sexual release. 

Jon wasn’t sure how to break the news to Dorothea but since she had already been on the road with them and saw things with her own eyes way before they took a form of a steady relationship, she put two and two together. First, with all the chicks and constantly being away, then this unlikely romantic bond, it was the final straw for her. In order to be with him, she had to share the man and as far as she could put up with his fucking around, the mere thought of being in a love triangle made her sick. Jon was painfully aware of how much he demanded from her but couldn’t hide any longer. After she’d left him, he went through an emotional breakdown but Richie couldn’t help him this time. Their separation period was almost over but Jon wasn’t sure whether she’d let him have both of them, and if yes, on what conditions. He didn’t want to let her go and she knew him well enough to predict he’d break into pieces if she decided to find someone else.

Jon flinched at the sound of a knock on the door. He couldn't hear the footsteps so he already knew who it was. He took a deep breath trying to calm down but his heart was still pounding fiercely in his chest. He pressed the handle and opened the door only to see a huge grin on the other man’s face as he was dragging on a cigarette.

“Alec!” he gasped.

“May I come in?” 

Jon just nodded and opened the door a little wider. The dark-haired man stepped inside and as he was passing him, his face twitched in disgust.

“You know, Jonny. Fear is only arousing when a human is dying in your arms but to smell another of us sweating like a rat is rather disgusting. You smell like some rotten meat, my friend. Oh, the power I have over you!” He drew closer to Jon, looked him right in the face and sneered.

Jon shuddered, still intimidated by his unusual behavior. He couldn’t predict his next move and just stood there as if he was under a spell. 

“Oh, let’s just sit down and talk. I have so much to tell you, my child.”


	10. The Gift

The evil chuckle got him out of this state of total numbness as it echoed in his skull like hundreds of knives piercing it from the inside. He staggered and put his hands over his ears. Alec grew somehow impatient and pushed him slightly towards the couch while sitting down in the chair opposite him. Once the blonde collapsed on the couch as if drained of any life energy left in him, Alec faced him with a wide grin on his face. Suddenly, he noticed a bottle of wine and some glasses standing on the table.

“Always prepared! Would you mind if I poured some? We need to celebrate!” He laughed and filled up two glasses with the blood red liquid.

“Here you are, Jonny. Welcome to hell!”

Jon was just staring at him.

“Oh, why don’t you raise a glass to your new life? It’s just awesome to cross over to the Dark Side,” he chuckled again and took a sip.

“Well, not bad, my friend. It’s still not half as good as your delicious blood I got so high on the other day.”

Jon squinted his eyes and scrunched up his face. When he looked up, he could see a smirk curl across Alec’s face. His fear started to give way to growing anger in him.

“Why do you hate me so much? You’re fucking swimming in my pain,” he muttered through the clenched teeth, his stare almost burning holes in the other man’s eyes. 

Alec laughed again as if he found it quite amusing. He sat back and folded his arms across his chest.

“Just teaching you how to show the proper respect. It’s not every day to finally see Jon Bon Fucking Jovi actually lose his arrogance, even if you have to curb it with fear. Time to learn some humility, don’t you think?”

 _Oh, just fuck you,_ Jon thought to himself.

“Easy boy! Don’t forget I can read your mind, too. You’re not a fast learner, I’m afraid,” he smacked his lips and shook his head.

“I’m not into playing games, Your Dark Majesty. You took everything I ever had just because you felt I didn’t treat you with enough respect! Don’t you think the punishment was way too harsh for me being a fucking bitch? You could always leave the band instead of…,” Jon hesitated, suddenly feeling a pang of regret in his heart. It surprised him because he thought he’d already accepted that. Fuck, he even had his first feed and he actually enjoyed that!

“You still haven’t come to terms with your new life, baby? I’ve given you the greatest gift a vampire can ever give anyone. To turn a filthy human into this majestic immortal prince of darkness is actually a privilege, not a death sentence. You’re one of us now. You’ll never get old, you’ll never die. You’ll have all those beautiful people to feed on, living the rock star life for centuries!”

Jon got startled when he saw Alec changing his position in the blink of an eye and felt his cold, bony fingers stabbing into his neck. He wanted to free himself from the iron grip but was unable to move, suddenly becoming aware of the other man’s physical strength. He gasped helplessly, his eyes growing bigger and bigger as he saw those bared fangs so close to his face.

“By my crooked teeth, who am I?” Alec hissed in his ear and then slowly pulled away. He dragged on a cigarette before he started speaking again.

“Look, you’re a vampire. You must bask in the fear of men. I took away your mortal fear, and I showed you a path, opened the new doors. You’re capable of great things. I saw that potential in you, that’s why I chose you. I only turned two people into vampires. The other one left me long ago,” the bassist winced a little and then his face set hard again.

Jon frowned, his brain on fire trying to process all that he’d just heard. Alec spoke again.

“Actually, I was going to leave the band soon anyway. I got bored, so damn bored. And tired. You’re gonna drive this band into the ground if you keep going on like this. Just a little advice from an older mate,” the dark-haired man cracked a smile, his menacing side disappearing all of a sudden. He stood up and went over to his chair. Without a sound, he sat down and took his glass of wine.

“Still refuse to make a toast to a new beginning?” he asked as his face broke into a sly smile.

“Hell no! You come here, make me frightened to death, and then confess happily to passing me a gift of eternal life because I’m actually a chosen one. What a bullshit! I wish it was all just a really bad trip but I’m not fucking stoned and the shit is happening for real. You fucking killed me! I hate what I've become! For fuck’s sake, I want my old life back! I want to have my body which ached because of physical exhaustion, not because I need to down the fucking blood!”

Alec was listening in silence, his face an emotionless mask. Jon could swear he could see a shadow of disappointment flicker across his face.

“In the beginning, I wasn’t happy with the gift, either. But I accepted it with time and now I’m able to enjoy it as much as possible. If I were a mortal, I’d be long dead and buried. I’m more than three hundred years old. Do you know any human who could live that long and still look like he was in his thirties?”

“You suck the life out of other people. You kill to live. Do you think it’s a fair deal?”

“When you’re a man and you grow old, you wither and die. A vampire only grows in strength and wisdom and he doesn’t need the human blood that often. I only feed every once in a while but I do because it’s like sex. I mean, I can have sex like any mortal but drinking blood is the ultimate pleasure. You know it just too well yourself,” he smirked.

Jon gasped.

“How do you know?”

Alec calmly stroked the stubble on his chin and said:

“I was following you all the way down to that abandoned place. I saw how you drew from their lips their last Hallelujah. You did pretty good for your first time. Excellent choice, by the way.”

Jon felt rage building up in his chest and was about to burst when Alec raised his hand.

“I had to check on you. There are more of us in the city and believe me, we aren’t a happy bunch of close friends.”


	11. The Curse

Jon opened his mouth in a silent awe. Alec smiled faintly and drew closer to Jon so he was looking straight into his dilated pupils now.

“You didn’t feel the smell of me but believe me, you’ll develop this ability sooner than you think and I’m really good at hiding. As humans give off different smells and vibes, it’s the same with vampires. We come from different lines and there’s a hierarchy among us as well. We are endowed with certain abilities assigned to a particular vampire, too. And again, it’s the same as with human talents. Some have more, some have less. Because of my old age, I’m pretty powerful but there are vampires out there much more powerful than me. You’re just a baby in the vampire years but you surely can tell what your gift is.”

“I thought I could read minds but it doesn’t work with you,” Jon grimaced and twitched at the sound of Alec’s hearty laugh.

“Jonny, you can’t and won’t read my mind because I’m able to cloud it and hide my thoughts from those who are lower in the hierarchy. If that’s your gift then it will develop with time so you’ll be able to communicate only with your thought, even without uttering a single word. How did you find out?”

“I actually read Richie’s mind,” Jon bit his lip as soon as he’d said it out loud, a sudden sense of fear overpowered him. He noticed Alec’s smile faded and he already knew he’d told too much.

“Did you tell him?” he asked in a cold tone, piercing him to the heart.

“I guess you already know the answer,” Jon replied quietly and declined his head.

“You don’t even know how dangerous and irresponsible is that! As much as I love the guys in the band, I wouldn’t risk their lives like that.”

Jon snorted, feigning amusement.

“Oh, how merciful of you to take care of those kids. But yeah, I almost forgot I didn’t belong to this category. I’m the fucking chosen one!”

Alec gritted his teeth, visibly annoyed.

“I'm not asking for thanks, but don't do this to me, you ingrate. So few mortals deserve this distinction and you, you! You are bitching and moaning about that. I should have known. Your human nature won’t die soon so I need to develop some more patience. Since I birthed you, I need to put up with Your Bitching Majesty a little bit more.”

 _Or maybe just go and fuck yourself,_ Jon thought angrily to himself.

“You wouldn’t like me to disappear, believe me. You need to travel the world to understand the vampire mind… and conquer your fears that are dwelling in you now. You need a companion.”

“I already have the love of my life,” Jon said with anger, a little louder than he wanted.

“She’s not a vampire. She will get old and die. You’ve got only a couple of years to be together. Do you want her to suffer?”

“I can turn her into one as well.”

The suggestion drew a hollow laugh from the bassist.

“Does she want a family and children, too?”

Jon gave him a sideways glance, a questioning look on his face. 

“I forgot to tell you one little thing. Just a little drawback of being this magnificent creature of the night. We are infertile. We can’t give life differently than to give the kiss of death first. Vampires are generally solitary beings, we walk the Earth alone. Some of us, and I mean the ones you could call the royals, live in clans. And some really lucky ones, they… they have a life companion. Just like regular couples in the human world do. I used to be the lucky one, too. He was just like you, even physically. It seems everything comes to an end, though.”

He went silent for a moment, staring at his folded hands on his lap, deep in thought. Jon was fighting the urge to scream the house down. He never thought his love dilemma would get resolved in such a way that would leave both of them heartbroken. He faced the prospect of staying alone forever, with no family or children, living his life by filling up his hollowed out veins and surviving in the world that he didn’t belong to anymore.

“I wish you had killed me.”

Alec looked up and saw Jon stand up and come over. The singer grabbed his arm unceremoniously and made him get on his feet.

“Here!” he pointed towards his neck. “Here, you devil straight from the fiery pits of hell. Kill me. Here and now. I don’t want your gift. I don’t want your mentorship. I don’t want immortality if it means it’s devoid of love. The ones I love will die and I’ll become the lonely one. Alone forever! I hate this life already. You fucking bloodsucker. I wish I had never met you!”

Alec was watching him closely, apparently unfazed by this outburst of anger. He slowly brushed off Jon’s hand and set his eyes on the other man’s face, flushed and sweaty. He marveled at the sight because he could tell his human nature didn’t die yet. 

“I can’t kill you. Forget about the stakes or blazing fire. Forget about breaking your neck by stronger vampires. Vampires only die when they don’t want to live anymore. They only die of a broken heart.”

“How can love save me now?” Jon yelled, rage incarnate. He grabbed the lapels of Alec’s jacket and pressed up against him, his breath warm on the bassist’s skin.

“Give me a real gift and kill me. Tell me you can do it and do it. I… I beg you!”

The tears were shining in his eyes and Alec felt a fleeting sort of guilt at last but remained impassive.

“The curse will be scraped from your soul. Prayers that spring from the shed tears will guide you home. Just don’t look too far away. And enjoy them as they come because you won’t be able to cry once you transform fully and all your humanity dies in you.”

Jon was slightly taken aback at the words he’d just heard. He blinked.

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe the man you told about your transformation wasn’t a random choice? Maybe, just maybe, he’s the chosen one because you actually saw something more in him. Like I did in you.”

Jon let go of the jacket, dizziness spreading in his head like a warm blanket.

“Don’t give me hope when there’s none,” he whispered. “And now, just leave me alone. I need to gather thoughts before tonight’s gig. I don’t feel like going on stage at all. Not after all that happened.”

When Alec went out, Jon locked the door and pressed his head against the cold surface. He wanted to die but he couldn’t free himself from the soulless form he became. His hopes to live his life in spite of the hostile world he’d become a part of died like the roses when the autumn came.


	12. The Surrender

Jon was standing by the window, dragging on a cigarette. He was deep in thought, recreating Alec’s words in his head again and again. Suddenly, he heard a soft sound of footsteps and a knock on the door. He knew it was Richie. He didn’t want to see anyone at that moment but he knew he had to pull himself together. When he opened the door, he saw his friend’s face, unusually pale, dark circles under his brown eyes. He knew the guitarist had as little sleep as he did.

“You ready?”

Jon frowned.

“What for?”

Richie smiled faintly.

“I can’t believe you’re not already on the stage, yelling at everybody to get their shit together and that everything should be C-L-E-A-R.”

Jon pursed his lips, all his sorrows escaping his soul in an instant. He smiled for the first time that day.

“I’m preparing for the gig here. Mentally.”

Richie looked at him questioningly. Jon sighed and gestured at him to come in. Once the guitarist entered the room, Jon closed the door and slowly turned around.

“Do you want anything to drink? A beer?”

“Thanks, will do, ” the brunette nodded as he headed towards the sofa. Jon returned with two bottles and sat next to him. They were drinking in silence until Jon finally spoke in a weary voice, his face hidden behind his hair as he hung his head.

“Alec was here.”

Richie jerked at the words, the reason for Jon’s pensive mood suddenly became obvious to him.  
“And what did he tell you?”

Jon shifted a bit as if he was sitting in an uncomfortable position. He took a deep breath and looked up, now staring into his best friend’s eyes.

“It’s over. If there was any hope left, he took it away from me.”

Richie blinked.

“’But what did he tell you?”

Jon swallowed hard and watched him for a while before he started speaking again, pronouncing every word carefully.

“We’re gonna finish this tour, just a few shows left anyway. Then, we’re back to the US. I… need to tell Dot…” he held his breath and then exhaled slowly, closing his eyes for a moment. Richie was observing him attentively. “I need to tell Dot we can’t be together anymore, we’re done,” Jon scrunched up his face, fighting the urge to give in to that great pain gnawing at his heart. He swallowed again, trying to sound as coherent as possible. 

_Always wearing a mask of a clown._

“And I… we… I mean, the band… I think it’s the only thing I’m doing right. Hell, it’s so fucking wrong but I guess it wouldn’t be fair to you guys if we continued like this, erm… with me living this life. ” 

“My God!” he cried and threw his arms in the air. “I fed just yesterday and I’m already getting fucking hungry. Fucking craving for blood again! See? I need to kill! I need to fucking kill to keep that fucking corpse alive!”

Richie’s eyes remained fixed on him, his face still but his heart beating furiously inside his chest. Jon calmed down a little and let his hands rest on his lap again, looking down at the nervous knot of interlaced fingers. He quivered a little at the swift motion of Richie’s hand covering his own and squeezing it a little. He lifted up his head and met those brown orbs, soft light shining in them like a tiny flame dancing in the dark.

“Don’t. Just don’t,” he heard a soft whisper.

Jon furrowed his brows in an unspoken question and heard the answer in the guitarist’s reassuring smile, lifting the corners of his mouth just a little upwards as the brunette kept squeezing his fingers.

“I have no choice. Alec told me…,” he hesitated and then hissed when Richie’s grip tightened.

“I don’t care what he told you. I don’t even care whether the fucker told you the truth or just blatantly lied. How do you know anyway? He’s a jealous asshole who can’t play bass for shit. I’m more interested in what made you quit everything at once. Everything’s changed and nothing’s changed at the same time. You became a vampire? So what?”

This time it was Jon who blinked.

“Rich, you understand nothing! I’m screwed! I need to fucking KILL, don’t you understand?! I’ll bet those two French girls are already in the news and the police are looking for the murderer. I am the murderer, the fucking killer! I’ve been always kinda attracted to the mafia thing but it’s not this romanticized shit anymore. It’s real! And you know what? It will be like this forever! No way back! I can’t have a family on my own, I’m not able to have children! I can’t put Dottie through this shit, she’s already had enough. And you know what? This little fucker of a bassist told me there’s no ‘undo’ in this little story of mine. He can’t take his bleeding gift back! He can’t even take my life as we can die only of a broken heart. Luckily, if there’s no will to live this hell anymore, then maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to finish that once and for all.”

Jon exhaled sharply as he finished his angry speech and only then he noticed the deep frown lines in his best friend’s forehead, the warm light gone in his now dull eyes.

“Now let me tell you something. I know it’s hard for you. I think I still haven’t come to terms with it fully myself, either. One thing is certain, though. It’s always been there and it’s never going to change. I’m not gonna let you do that even if it means bitch slapping you like it’s happened so many times before when I hated those fucking cliché verses you really wanted in our songs,” he let out a nervous chuckle and continued. “You’re making those big plans and it somehow never crossed your mind to actually ask me… to actually fit my piece somewhere in your big, fucking puzzle.”

Jon was staggered by the words, an unexpected twinge of guilt stabbing at his heart.

“Now, confess, you are utterly taken aback, right, Jonny?” Richie pointed out, his voice tainted with anger. "You haven’t actually thought of the possibility of me being a part of your world, have you?”

Jon closed his eyes shut for a moment, his face contorted as if he was on the verge of crying.

“I can’t do this to you. How can you infect the people you love with something that’s killing yourself? How can you long for death and sadness? The creatures like us walk the Earth alone…”

“Is that what Alec told you?” the hint of mockery lingering in the guitarist’s question hit Jon’s ears.

“You don’t understand,” Jon said weakly, his carefully designed plans crumbling in front of him. He crossed his arms so he was embracing himself like a child who wanted to console himself. The vulnerability of Jon’s gesture almost broke Richie’s heart because he knew that they were both fully aware it was not the case of being selfish or ignorant. On the contrary, they both cared about each other so much that their will to sacrifice went beyond their personal dreams and desires. He scooted over and wrapped his arms around the frail body; a silent cry escaped his mouth when the smaller man reached out and held onto him for dear life, his arms tight around him. The guitarist stroked the lush hair as he was hugging his friend, their heartbeat being the only music as the dead silence fell amongst the four walls again.


	13. The Bite

“You’re right. I don’t. Together we can sort it out, though. Will you let me take care of you?”

Jon nodded, his fingers curling against his guitarist’s back. Richie stroke his back again.

“Whatever you do, I’m here. You’re not alone. And I want to be part of your life, whatever it takes,” Richie’s voice was soft and cool.

Jon sniffed but didn’t answer. Richie hugged him close.

“You’ll seduce this crowd again tonight, Jonny. Just give them what they want and you’ll get them on their knees again.”

Jon smiled and moved his hand upwards till it rested on the nape of his best friend’s neck for a moment. Once there, he buried his fingers in the hair and caressed the sensitive skin.

“Drop the mask, Jonny. I know you’re suffering but I’m there for you,” soft words keeping up with the hot kisses making their way along his neck, burning on his skin. Jon sighed, closing his eyes. The plump lips kissed his jawline and his cheeks, dangerously close to his mouth. He trembled, his eyes refused to open as he felt the other man’s lips met his in a little peck. He gave in, the sweetest pain aching in his chest. He moaned involuntarily, tugging at the dark hair and sucking on that plump lower lip cautiously enough not to bite him, the heat growing in his groin, making him horny all of a sudden. They shifted their position now so Jon was sprawled out on the sofa with Richie on top of him. The brunette nestled between his spread legs.

“Rich, I can’t,” he whispered, but his body responded instinctively, rubbing against his guitarist, finding the rhythm that made them both aroused. He felt those agile fingers caressing his chest, pinching and encircling the erect nipples through the thin fabric, then slowly sliding down his flat stomach. He rolled his eyes and moaned as the hardness of the other man’s groin repeatedly met his own and ground against him.

“Oh,” he bit his lip and thrust harder, all his doubts escaping his mind at an instant.

Richie nibbled on his earlobe and then proceeded to his collarbone, grazing and sucking gently where his neck met his shoulder. Jon arched his neck, the pleasure spilling all over his body.

“Take off your shirt,” a hot whisper hit his ears while he was getting rid of his clothes as if in trance, the slim fingers making those slow movements of rolling up the shirt and unzipping the trousers, his head light while all his blood rushed down to his cock. Richie smiled seeing his best friend that aroused and kissed his lips.

“Take it off, too” the feeble breath on his ear, long hair tickling his skin. Richie smiled again and helped the blonde to the sitting position so he could undress as well.

“Jonny,” he whispered while the impatient hands helped him out with stripping down to his underwear and then slipped past the waistband, causing the dark-haired man to breathe in sharply.

_I can’t believe you don’t feel any disgust but you never watched me feed. My love._

The tiny droplet of blood on Richie’s mouth made Jon dizzy.

“Oh, I tried to be careful. I shouldn’t have kissed you,” the words left his lips in a deep and throaty growl. Jon wanted to press against that welcoming mouth so badly he had to keep himself from clawing at the man and devouring him right away.

_You did it on purpose, didn’t you?_

Trying to distract himself from the nagging thoughts, Jon focused all his attention on his guitarist’s cock, which promptly leaped to attention, throbbing against his hands. The taller man groaned as the singer cupped his balls, then scraped his nails along this massive length, calloused fingertips grazing the sensitive skin, his thumb drawing little circles around the head.

_Am I killing you already?_

Jon stopped for a moment before a sly smile started to spread across his face.

“I guess we need to fold out the sofa now or else we’ll end up on the floor. It’s so fucking uncomfortable, I was bruised all over the last time we actually didn’t give a fuck,” Jon chuckled as he gently pushed Richie off him. Richie grinned at the memory but didn’t object and got to his feet. Jon took the advantage of the little break and walked up to his suitcase. He returned with a bottle of lube and soon they were making out again; this time it was Jon who was on top. 

“You’re killing me,” he whispered as the long fingers were moving downwards till they reached his backside and were kneading on his ass cheeks.

“You’re already dead,” Richie chuckled breathlessly and pressed up against Jon so hard he caused the blonde to whimper. The sensation of their bare cocks rubbing and hands roaming all over the sweaty bodies soon pushed them over the edge, their consecutive orgasms draining them of the life force, milky droplets staining the warm skin. They were so high they didn’t even notice when their mouths crashed in an urgent kiss, the sharp fangs tearing the sensitive tissue. The fresh blood gushed from the wound, a red trickle slowly dripping down the guitarist’ chin. They both froze on the spot, the warm, slightly viscous liquid went to Jon’s head and made him unable to move for a few moments. Their lips remained locked together, the metallic taste driving him crazy. Finally, with a superhuman effort, he hissed and tore away from those bloody lips, the whites of his eyes almost completely replaced with the blackness of his unnaturally dilated pupils. Richie’s mouth was wide open, but he still made no sound. Instead, he just brought his hand closer to his face and located the painful spot with a tentative touch, his eyes watching Jon in a silent terror.

“I’m hungry. I’m so fucking hungry,” Jon mumbled to himself. “It’s too much. I can’t,” he said a little louder and with his last ounce of strength jumped to his feet, putting clothes on in a haste. Richie barely registered the sound of slamming doors, the throbbing pain was so real and so raw that he was still recovering from the shock of it all.


	14. The Show

Jon returned just in time for the rehearsal. The guys had already got on the stage, everybody running around frantically and checking on the equipment. Dave saw the singer out of the corner of his eye and waved at him, then pointed to his watch suggestively.

“What the hell, Jon? You’re always the first bugging us to get our asses ready and now you show up when we’re almost about to start the gig! Where have you been?”

Jon looked at his keyboardist with squinted eyes, a muscle leaped in his clenched jaw. Dave backed away and put his hands up, the silent ‘What the fuck, man?’ reflected in his eyes.

“I had some business uptown. Don’t smell the rat when there’s none.”

Dave blinked, the unusually aggressive tone of Jon’s voice truly surprised him.

 _The bitch is back,_ he thought to himself and to his astonishment, it earned him a death glare.

“Don’t look at me like that. I haven’t killed anyone,” Dave tried to lighten the mood but his efforts seemed to have the opposite effect. Jon’s face darkened.

“You know what? You actually come across as intelligent when you keep your trap shut. Just a little advice from an old friend.”

“Oh, man, what the hell is wrong with you today?”

Dave felt genuinely hurt and Jon thought he may have said too much. He sighed.

“Sorry, dude. I’ve just had some crap to deal with the last few days. It’s just something I need to sort out on my own. We’re okay?”

Dave furrowed his eyebrows and slowly nodded as he gave the outstretched hand a five.

“Have you seen Richie anywhere?” Jon asked, trying to sound casual.

“Yeah, he’s somewhere here. Man, you should see his mouth. He said the glass broke while he was drinking and it cut his lip pretty badly.”

Jon felt his gut wrenching at the words and he suddenly longed to see him. As if on cue, he saw a familiar mop of black hair at the back and he felt his heart went up his throat. He left Dave without a word and headed towards the stage.

“Hey, Rich!” he tried to shout but his voice came out as nothing more than a croak. He swallowed hard and picked up the pace. He cried again and the guitarist turned around. Jon’s heart sank at the sight and he unknowingly gritted his teeth.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, lowering his gaze.

“Don’t be. I’m okay.”

Jon looked up and saw a little smile emerging on his friend’s face, a hint of pain lingering on those beautiful features. “No talkbox for me tonight, though,” he joked and almost immediately hissed as another droplet of blood flowed from the pierced flesh.

“I was right. I should have stayed away from you,” Jon said in a low voice, the words strangely distant as if not coming from him but somebody else.

Richie grabbed his hand and made him look at him again.

“You’re better now?”

Jon understood the subtlety of the question and nodded, his long hair covering half of his face. Richie squeezed the hand and let go.

“Good.”

“It was a quick fuck. Some nameless guy with no face. A drunken piece of shit who just got his karma back. Nothing romantic this time,” Jon said more to himself than to Richie, as if he was trying to excuse himself for letting his temptations take over himself.

“The people are about to fill up this place. We’d better get ready,” Richie smiled but Jon could swear his eyes didn’t follow his mouth. Before he managed to turn around, he felt a grip on his arm, the thumb massaging the knotted muscles. “I’m gonna get my tech now. We’ll rock this venue, man,” he hesitated for a moment. “Just be yourself, Jonny. Make them fucking possessed.”

Jon was staring at the back of his guitarist, a mixture of different feelings reigning in his heart. He was about to give up and start again at the same time, torn between his will to live and his will to die. He couldn’t ponder over that forever, though, as the crew members were running back and forth, yelling at each other, while the crowds on the other side were chanting their names. The show had to go on.

**

Once he stepped on stage and stood in the white-hot spotlight, Jon felt the same adrenaline as he’d always experienced pulsating in his veins. The crowd was enchanted, swaying to one side, then the other. Jon was standing still, watching them, the natural ability to lead the masses stayed dormant in his head for a while, as if encaged, till the synapses got that extra spark, kicking them into life and he became the crowd charmer again. In between songs he kept looking to his right, his guitarist’s face in the shadow of the hat brim, agile fingers bringing out solos that made his knees weak. 

_Oh, God. I can’t give up on you._

Only just when the last sounds of the second encore had passed and the five friends went out for the final bow, Richie shot looks to Jon and smiled. He grabbed his hand and squeezed a little, their fingers partly interlacing. Jon almost rolled his eyes but it was Richie and he was into that romantic shit. He grinned back and returned the gesture.


	15. The Trespass

They were sitting in the hotel room in strange silence although they were still high after the performance, the excitement and alcohol burning them from the inside. Jon was staring at the face he knew so well, the other man’s swollen lip a painful reminder of his unquenched thirst. His veins were filled not only with stolen blood of poor quality but also with untamed fury because he couldn’t impose that legendary self-control on himself anymore. The beast dwelling in him was giving orders now and his tortured half-human body had to give in or else he was burning alive, his limbs twisted in such a pain as if he was dying again and again. Richie seemed to understand it better than him, though, and never pointed out an accusing finger at him but rather embraced it. It was Jon who was trying to fight the fate, who desperately wanted to reverse his own Apocalypse.

_Fucking Alec._

“Fancy a walk?” Richie flinched at the suggestion, a little startled.

“Yeah, why not,” he shrugged and got up to grab his jacket.

Soon they were walking the mostly empty street, the unusually warm wind flowing gently through their hair. The dim light of street lamps and soft moonlight shining in the starry sky made a perfect setting for a romantic stroll and they were both fully aware of that, the very thought somehow uneasy. Jon was the first to break the awkward silence.

“Does it hurt?”

The question seemed utterly stupid because the answer was more than obvious but he just couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“A little. I’ll survive,” the other man gave a little laugh. “Just leave it.”

Jon furrowed his eyebrows and let a nervous huff escape his tightened lips.

“Just enjoy the walk, Jonny. It’s our last night here and I couldn’t think of a better way to say goodbye to France. I love this place. If I ever got married…” he trailed off and felt his cheeks colouring. Jon couldn’t mistake it for anything else. He clenched his fists, suddenly thinking of Dot and how much all his plans and dreams got fucked up. He’d always wanted a big family, his hearth and home, and now he was left with nothing.

_Nothing?_

Jon quickened his step.

“I think we need to go back to the hotel. I’m tired.”

“Oh, OK. Right,” Richie replied, somehow hurt with Jon’s lukewarm reaction to his little confession.

Suddenly, Jon stopped in his tracks. Richie thought he looked like an animal sniffing out the danger. His features sharpened and his body stretched stiff, an unmistakable feeling of intense anticipation. Richie squinted his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered but the answer never came. A strange figure appeared in front of them out of nowhere, he could barely make out his silhouette in the dark. Then others followed till they were encircled by several men. Richie swallowed nervously and put his hands up as to show them he had no ill intentions while Jon got extremely agitated and positioned himself for an attack.

“Well, well, what do we have here? A trespasser and his bitch,” one of the men sneered and the others started laughing.

Jon leapt forward with a growl but the other man was faster. He caught him and pulled him to the ground like a rag doll. The blonde whimpered as he hit the pavement hard. Richie instinctively rushed to help his friend but got himself being pulled by many strong hands, bony fingers digging painfully in his shoulders.

“Don’t hurt him,” he croaked as they made him kneel, his arms painfully twisted behind his back.

Jon blinked a few times, his vision blurry and the voices distant in his ears.

“I can smell a man and I’m not talking about that pretty boy of yours,” the dark-haired stranger hissed in Jon’s face, an evil grin revealing teeth that certainly didn’t belong to a human. Jon’s blue eyes widened at the sudden realization and he gasped in fear and astonishment.

“You’re a freshman but you should have already been told to stay away from here. You’re not welcome on our land. Didn’t The Giver tell you that?” Jon felt a warm breath on his face, a familiar smell of salt and metallic made him nauseous.

“You can’t kill me,” Jon gasped out, his gaze fixed on the other vampire’s face. 

“And who told you that?” 

“And why the hell are you hovering over me like a fucking three-hundred-year-old perv?”

The vampire laughed, clearly taken aback by his fearlessness.

“I wish I had known you before. It’d be my fucking pleasure to turn you,” the grip loosened a bit.

Jon tried to move but the vampire was too strong so he remained sprawled out on the ground. He saw out of the corner of his eye that Richie was being strangled by the other demons.

“Let him go,” he ground out through clenched teeth.

The vampire’s smile faded and he was serious again.

“You’re a funny little shit but enough is enough. Paris is for us like Mecca for the Muslims or like Israel for Christians. You’re fucking careless and ignorant. Your idiot of a Giver actually lied to you. Vampires do die but it’s not about breaking their necks.”

Jon’s face twitched a little but he didn’t utter a word, just looked at the other vampire’s face stubbornly.

“I’ll tell you something because I actually took a strange liking to you. We don’t stay around humans per se. We feed on them, we use them. We don’t even make friends among our own species. Do you understand, a pretty boy?”

Jon contorted his face in disgust at the sound of the other one smacking his lips. He didn’t have time to answer because the other vampire continued in a weary voice.

“It’s not really that much about you although you’re still in between, very much of a human yourself. Your toy boy on the other hand…” he hesitated. “It’s very dangerous to keep him company like this.”

“I can’t do this to him,” Jon said firmly, ignoring the derogatory term. “He’s my best friend.”

“Do you love him?”

Jon opened his eyes wide and the sudden surge of rage made him unusually courageous.

“You realise how fucking ridiculous it is, right? I don’t even know you and you’re pinning me to the pavement here, hovering over me like a fucking creep and your homeboys are groping my guitarist like a bunch of lunatics.”

The vampire laughed heartedly and Jon found it oddly comforting.

“I can’t believe it. You’re newly turned and barely started crawling and yet, you seem to know no fear. You can’t predict what I will do in a moment or even be sure whether what you know is true at all. And the one over there… I haven’t felt that in ages,” he responded calmly. Jon could swear he heard some kind of sadness lingering long after the word were spoken.

The other vampires were watching the whole scene in a silent anticipation. It looked like they formed a gang and the oldest vampire took the lead. Jon furrowed his eyebrows and recalled Alec’s words that vampires walk the world alone. His thoughts were interrupted with the other vampire’s thoughts and only then he realized they were communicating without actually speaking.

_You know nothing._


	16. The Fight

Jon felt the other creature slowly edging away so he finally managed to rise to a sitting position and then slowly got up, the other vampire watching him closely.

“By the way, my name’s Vittorio.”

“Jon.”

Jon tentatively shook the extended hand, a wave of fear going through him all of a sudden. 

“You didn’t think we were going to leave you unharmed just because of your bubbly personality, did you?” Vittorio smiled derisively. “You crossed the line and I need to punish you. Since you’re one of us and you need some more time to learn the rules, I’m going to give you a little lesson,” having said that, he turned towards his companions. They understood it only too well, baring their fangs in a shameless grin. Jon could feel their excitement. And hunger.

Richie was looking at him, confused and terrified. The many hands tightened their grip on him, sharp nails clawing at the bare skin underneath the leather jacket.

Jon wanted to reach out and help him out but the old vampire grabbed him and held firmly. He stared into those unflinching eyes but he knew it was already too late. Those creatures resembled humans but had no feelings, perfect predators on the hunt. Jon clenched his fists, his eyes burned with unshed tears, hopelessness creeping in and taking all his strength. Vittorio just smirked at him, relishing in the pain of the other vampire, which made him perversely aroused.

“This is, my friend, how you learn your lessons.”

Suddenly, a thunderous laughter was heard and everybody stopped in their tracks.

“Vittorio, my old friend. Long time no see!”

“Alec?” The old vampire raised his eyebrows, letting go of the equally surprised Jon as he went up to greet the fellow vampire. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you’ve moved to America.”

Alec smacked his lips.

“Well, I have. This guy over here is actually my boss,” he chuckled as he pointed at Jon.

Vittorio looked back at Jon.

“Not bad for a beginner,” he observed with a slight praise in his voice.

“I made him... out of my own teeth,” Alec stuttered, the uneasy feel of Jon being objectified left a bad taste in his mouth.

Vittorio eyed him for a moment, a wandering thought playing in the small smile on his lips.

“All creatures have their purpose, even vampires.”

Then he gestured to the guitarist.

“He, however…” he paused. “I could raise my hand right now, snap my fingers, and he'd drop dead, you know? You should have told them not to trespass our territory but it must have slipped your mind, my friend. We are all getting older, aren’t we? Maybe it’s time to refresh your memory a bit.”

He laughed with contempt and shook his head. Suddenly, Jon thought the wind picked up and saw Alec jumping on the other vampire, knocking him down. It was like watching the scene in slow motion, the unusually smooth movements of two figures pressing against each other in a deadly grip. He saw the other vampires let go of Richie and came after Alec, their black coats making this rustling noise like a bunch of vultures hovering over their prey. Just before Alec disappeared under the pile of undead bodies, Jon caught a glimpse of his bassist’s face and heard the urgent scream deep in his head.

_Run, you fools!_

He didn’t know what he was doing when he jumped forward and grabbed Richie in his arms.

“Quick! Hold me tight,” he whispered and took a few feet off the ground. 

“Huh?” Richie gasped but did as he was told. He didn’t have time to actually process what was happening around them, the shapes of trees and buildings getting blurry as they were sweeping through empty streets, the sharp cold nipping at his cheeks. He was clutching the other man tight, a swarm of wild thoughts churning in his head but he couldn’t tell one from the other. Jon looked back to make sure the deadly creatures weren’t following them, not stopping for a moment, until they found themselves within the hotel premises. Once they got inside, they flited through the foyer and made it to the elevators. Richie was caught in a trance, barely keeping up with Jon. It was only when they entered the room that the horror of the situation finally overtook him.

“Oh God,” the guitarist whispered seeing his white face in the mirror on the wall and freaked out. A muffled cry left his lips and he started trembling uncontrollably. Jon grabbed him by his arms and held him firmly, his eyes set on him.

“Rich, it’s over! We’re safe now!” A note of impatience had entered his voice before his features softened and he pulled the shaking body of his guitarist into his arms. They were standing like this for a while until the taller man calmed down and was actually able to utter a word.

“Fuck was that? Did you just fly me down here?” 

He then noticed the claw marks all over his jacket and got reminded that it definitely wasn’t a dream. As the scare had subsided, the pain became just too real.

“I’ll help you take it off,” Jon said quietly and then gently pulled his T-shirt off over his head. The bloody marks were all over the brunette’s back and shoulders and Jon shuddered at the sight. Richie put his hand to his aching arm and slowly extended it so he could see blood on his fingers. He was standing still, gazing at them with unseeing eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” Jon mumbled. “I should have known better. Alec actually warned me but I ignored it.”

The name somehow woke Richie up from his thoughts. He look at Jon and the blonde held his gaze for a moment before speaking out.

“We speak each other's unspoken language fluently,” a flicker of a smile chased across his lips before they were pressed tightly together again. He raked his hand through his hair and sighed.

“I don’t know. I hope that when he told me vampires are immortal, he meant it.”

He closed his eyes for a moment.

“He actually risked his life for me... it’s like we’re bonded forever anyway.”

He looked up again.

“And now, will you let me take care of you?”

**

They were standing in the shower, warm water falling all around them as Jon was gently putting a wash cloth to the bruised body. When he’d finished with that, he brushed the dark hair away and kissed the nape of the other man’s neck, moving closer and reaching out his hands tentatively till he embraced Richie from behind. He smiled to himself when the guitarist covered his hands with his own.

_A silent understanding._


	17. The Despair

Jon stayed awake most of the night, listening to the steady rhythm of Richie’s breathing. They hadn’t planned it that way, it just seemed natural to both of them that after what they’d experienced, they needed that intimacy. Jon dressed some larger wounds on Richie’s body and fetched some painkillers so his best friend could sleep through the night. He himself was too restless to get a wink of sleep, the terrifying memories still vivid in his mind. He couldn’t keep wondering what happened to Alec and whether he could see him again. He didn’t dare to even think of the worst scenario as if his thoughts would materialize into reality.

He got up very early in the morning to go jogging as usual but he knew it wasn’t the case anymore. He was hungry and he needed to find another victim to quench the thirst. He decided to look for those who were dregs of society like drunks or prostitutes so he could convince himself they were just a piece of meat, not living humans with a soul, hopes and dreams, full of love and life. What he also knew was that their blood was like a bitter wine and he felt only slightly better afterwards. The thoughts of those beautiful Frenchwomen still gave him chills but he dispelled them as soon as they’d entered his mind. The bloody kiss he shared with Richie the night before ghosted over his lips long afterwards. Now it somehow brought up the memories of their conversation in the hotel room the other day, when he’d just returned from the hunting. He conjured up that wistful look on the face he knew so well, strong arms hugging him, soft lips pleading to share the pain. Jon shuddered.

_No!_

He went over to the window and opened the curtains a little to welcome a gray, foggy morning. He needed to hurry up so he’d be back before Richie woke up. Once outside, he spotted a staggering man in shabby clothes, his puffy eyes and disheveled hair clearly a sign of another sleepless night at a bar. Jon got to him and dragged him into the bushes nearby. He didn’t even notice when the filthy human was already dead, blank eyes fixed on him in silent horror, all the colour drained out of him. Jon staggered himself while getting up, the dirty blood going to his head like a cheap booze. He went straight ahead, without looking back and hoping those eyes wouldn’t haunt him as he knew he would kill again and again. 

The moment he entered the hotel room, Richie shifted his position in bed, his hand made contact with the pillow next to his own. Jon flashed to the bathroom, hoping he was silent enough not to be heard. He turned on the tap and rinsed his face with cold water, reddened cheeks were burning with stolen blood.

_A nobody. Dirt cheap. Not a bad deal, no?_

He reached out and grabbed a toothbrush, squeezing a generous amount of mint toothpaste on it. He quickly brushed his teeth without looking at himself in the mirror and went in the shower, cold water soothing the scorching hot skin. He was about to step out of the shower and get dressed when he heard the doorknob turn and the familiar mop of dark hair emerged through the slightly ajar door.

“Jon? You’re up?”

“Yeah, just got up,” Jon lied and faked a yawn. “It was a rough night, hardly slept at all.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, man. I fell flat on my face but still feel like I got run over by a steamroller,” Richie let out a small chuckle but then became serious again. “OK, so I’ll wait out the door.”

“No need for that. I’m almost done,” having said that, Jon turned the water off and opened the shower stall, a white hotel towel loosely wrapped around his waist. Water was still dripping from his hair, a cascade of dirt blond locks tumbling over his bare shoulders. Richie was standing there, clearly smitten by the sight of the person standing in front of him. He bit his still swollen lip, staring at the single droplet making its way down the toned muscles. He got so engrossed in that that he flinched at Jon’s words. 

“The bathroom’s free,” Jon said with a small smile, inquisitive eyes studying him closely. He noticed the red marks on the naked skin but the man didn’t look like he was in pain anymore. Richie blushed as if he had been caught and avoided Jon’s searching stare. As he brushed past the singer, he felt a grip on his arm so he slowly turned around. Wet strands touched his face and he shivered when he felt Jon’s hot breath on him, lips grazing the sensitive skin.

_I want to pierce your body with mine and take you._

Richie lowered his hands along Jon’s sides till he reached the fluffy material of the towel and tugged at it so it fell down to the floor. He put his hands on the round buttocks and started kneading. Jon moaned and pressed up against the guitarist, sucking on the neck, the delicious sound of blood raging in those thick veins being the music to his ears.

“You’re torturing me,” Jon said in a low voice but didn’t stop caressing the crook of Richie’s neck, his arms around his friend’s waist.

“Do you want me to stop?” A soft whisper stuck somewhere in his hair.

To Richie’s astonishment, Jon pulled away and looked him in the eye, his face flushed. Suddenly, he broke into laughter but Richie could swear Jon was on the verge of crying out loud.

“It’s so fucked up, Rich. I’m standing here in front of you, stark naked, so damn horny I could do you right now and you, you! You are bruised all over, your lip split up in half, red marks all over your shoulders. I’m fucking amazed you’re so tough to keep me company while I can only hurt you! Fuck, I can’t even kiss you.”

All at once, the smile died on his lips and he hung his head, thick hair covering his face. Richie said nothing, with a deep frown on his forehead as he approached the frail body and pulled him into a tight embrace, ignoring the dull ache that wasn’t coming from his wounds. It was deep inside, so deep that even those keen senses of a newborn vampire couldn’t pick them up.

They stood there like that for a few minutes but it seemed like eternity. Finally, Richie decided it was time to say something. He acted on instinct and did what came naturally to him. Food was always something they both enjoyed.

“Are you hungry?”

Jon stiffened in his embrace. Only then Richie realized Jon read it differently and his good intentions turned really bad.

“I mean…” he hesitated but Jon already looked up, blue eyes piercing him through.

“I know what you mean but no, I’m not hungry. I’ve just fed,” he said through gritted teeth.

Richie swallowed and nodded as he already knew the talk was over.

“See what I’ve become? And now, please, excuse me, I need to check on the guys. Last gig on this Godforsaken piece of Earth!”

_And they say Lucifer was responsible for music in heaven... how ironic is that?_

Richie looked at Jon pick up the towel from the floor and leave through the door, the damp hair bouncing lightly as he walked. Once he was alone, he sat on the closed toilet lid, covered his face in his hands and cried.

Jon was leaning against the wall on the other side, fully aware of what Richie was doing. He winced at the pulling pain as his heart was fluttering wildly inside his chest.

_Just a few more days and it’s all over._

A lone tear rolled down his cheek. He brushed it off with his finger and almost screamed when he saw it left a bloody stain on his skin.

_Just a few days._


	18. The Unknown

Jon got himself busy to dispel all the nagging thoughts, which were buzzing in his head and made him more and more scared. He was giving orders and checking on equipment but the truth was, he was falling apart inside. He wanted to get on stage, stand in the middle, with warm light on his face but not on his heart, and scream. Scream at the top of his lungs till everything around breaks and crumbles. The dark cloud was so thick in his heart he thought he would suffocate. There were just a few hours left to their concert and Alec was nowhere to be seen. Jon hated the guy for what he’d done to him but couldn’t forget that he also saved him. And not only him but most of all, he saved Richie. Actually, he saved both of them, because Jon was more than sure he wouldn’t have wanted to continue to live his glamorous life of the undead knowing it all had happened because of him. What surprised him even more was that he was strangely touched by this sacrifice; he sensed that in a way Alec chose him, even though he knew it would never be reciprocated. The whole process was still an enigma to him, but all of a sudden, he couldn’t help thinking it had to be the closest thing to getting married and giving birth at once. The very thought made him throw up in his mouth a little.

David approached Jon, visibly agitated.

“Have you seen Alec anywhere? Richie plays like shit today, too. Could you, please, explain to me what’s going on here? It’s like this fucking place is haunted or something! Nothing really works in this theater. The technicians are struggling with the cords. They say the flex can become overloaded and cause a shortcut. The last thing I want to see is a stage set on fire, we’re not fucking KISS, for fuck’s sake! I knew it was a bad idea to choose a new venue instead of going for something tried and tested.”

Jon scrunched up his face and gave him his deadliest stink eye.

“Since when you’ve become the boss here? We’re doing fine. Technical problems do happen. Stop throwing your shit at me as if it was my fault! I’m not Alec’s Guardian Angel and how the fuck should I know? I’m tired myself and hell, I want to leave this fucking country once and for all myself! I don’t care whether we’ll make a good impression or not.”

David glared at him for a moment until he felt he was able to speak again.

“I can’t believe it! You’re always highly-strung about the excellence but for a few last days you’ve behaving strangely. Like you didn’t care that much. You don’t want to party anymore while there are so many beautiful girls around! Have you turned gay or what?”

Jon was clearly taken aback.

“What the hell are you talking about, dude? What’s wrong with you?”

“It’s because you’re not yourself. I’m worried about you, man. Richie seems to be as affected.”  
Jon snorted.

“Pretty weird way of showing your concern, man. I have a strange feeling it’s because you’re just a nosy fuck and maybe I don’t want to hang out around you that much anymore. And what happened between me and Richie is our business.”

This time it was David who snorted.

“Fine, whatever floats your boat, as long as it doesn’t affect the band. I’ve given so much to make it work.”

Jon made a funny face, a badly hidden smirk on his pursed lips.

“If you're dissatisfied with it, there's nothing I can do if you want to quit. Or maybe there’s something you know but just wouldn’t tell me?”

David swallowed but held his gaze.

“I stumbled upon Richie as he was changing in the locker room. First his lip and now this? What’s going on between you? It looked like he was attacked by a beast. And Alec has been acting weird around you, too. I have eyes, you know.”

Jon narrowed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm down before he spoke out.

“You’re fucking as blind as a bat, dude. Bloody hell, I didn’t beat Rich up and I didn’t fire Alec if that’s what you’re implying here! As for the gay thing, I’d just think you’re jealous because you want to get in my pants, too.” 

David got oddly uncomfortable, his cheeks turned completely red as he was doing his best to conceal his embarrassment. Jon laughed out loud and patted the blonde on the arm, just to become serious again.

“And now, instead of looking for those little conspiracy theories, you’d better get your ass back on stage and help me out with that mess. I’m sure Alec will be here in a minute.”

Once Dave left, Jon’s face darkened again. He only knew that in case Alec didn’t show, he’d just apologize to the crowd and try to distract them with all those tricks he’d mastered through the years. He was a crowd charmer after all, whether Alec was there or not. He was more concerned about what happened to the guy and whether he made it. He felt his guts twisted. And it didn’t get much better when ultimately Alec didn’t show up for the gig.

***

Despite Dave’s fears, the show was going smoothly, no blazing fires consuming his perfectly styled curly hair. To Jon’s relief, the audience was exceptionally understanding as to Alec’s absence, cheering up on the band even louder than the night before. Richie seemed more focused than during the rehearsal, although he was barely interacting with the fans, his lean silhouette hidden in the dimmed light. He went out to the front a few times to play some solos but he made no eye contact with Jon, pretending to be entirely immersed in strumming his guitar. Jon also pretended to be entirely happy about that and hid his silent heartbreak behind his trademark million dollar smile. He decided to do The Sympathy for the Devil as the last song, a little slap at this bitch of a fate which turned his life into living hell. 

Just as he was finishing on it, he noticed a familiar face out of the corner of his eye sitting in the audience and it chilled him to the bone. He stuttered into the microphone, earning some questioning glances from his bandmates, who kept playing along anyway. 

The dark-haired man bared his teeth in a broad grin, nodding his head as he was clapping his hands. 

_A perfect song for the encore. Your friend there, Alec... he’ got a fucking good taste in men._


	19. The Confrontation

Jon turned around and made his trademark jump before the band gathered together for final bows. He stared at Richie and wondered whether to let him know about the unwanted guest but instead, he just squeezed the outstretched hand hard. Richie knew something was up because he frowned at him, somewhat puzzled. 

_You know, Jonny. Fear is only arousing when a human is dying in your arms but to smell another of us sweating like a rat is rather disgusting._

Jon shuddered at the memory because he knew he was so scared now and he would have to confront the other vampire again, whether he liked it or not. The crowd was yelling their names, pleading not to leave them just yet. Jon gazed upon the sea of men within the venue, their energy giving him out of body sensations. This time he couldn’t enjoy it to the fullest, though. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t ignore the certain spot in the audience. He was about to tell Richie when he noticed the seat was empty. A shiver of terror passed through him, bringing out a cold sweat. As Richie was still embracing him, he could feel the other man trembling.

“What’s wrong, Jonny?” he whispered but Jon just looked up, visibly distressed. As soon as they’d stepped off the stage, Dave and Tico approached Jon.

“What was that, Jon? You started choking into the microphone like you were fucking drowning, man!”

Tico nodded and furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

Jon was barely thinking straight but he knew he had to get his shit together fast and play it safe. Letting them in meant trouble and he would hate to put them at risk. It was enough he and Richie were already in danger. Always the two of them. In good times and bad. 

Jon sighed, doing his best to sound casual.

“Even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me. You see, some technicians need to go. Something didn’t click here, apparently a power surge of some kind, ” Jon pointed to his chest and laughed at David but his own laughter seemed distant and sort of alien to his ears. He somehow couldn’t help joking, even though it felt more like a comic relief, except that there'd been a murder. It he was ever on the border of crazy, it was that moment. 

“It’s OK now, guys. Think I just need some rest. We’re heading to Germany tomorrow, there’s no way I’m out partying tonight, I’m beat. Let’s call it a day. And by the way, had a fucking blast up there, good job!” He patted Tico’s arm reassuringly and gave Dave a five before turning round and giving Richie a knowing wink. Once Jon and Richie had left, the two men shot looks to each other.

“I’m not buying it,” the keyboardist said in a low voice. “It’s super creepy. Alec’s gone, Richie’s bruised all over, that thing at the end. Jon’s stopped going out or just hanging out at the hotel, it’s like he’s never leaving his room anymore. If he was a woman, I’d just think he got super mad at Richie because he got him impregnated or stuff.”

Tico laughed out loud.

“I think you’ve developed some unhealthy obsession about them, man. They are two guys and you’re thinking too much. I’m sure they’re probably making some new music. And accidents do happen, especially when you get a little too high sometimes.” A small, contented smile settled on the drummer's face.

“What do you mean? Are you that oblivious to everything? Something’s clearly off and you’re just playing it down, while the situation is serious, maybe even threatening. It affects all of us and I don’t think I can just stand by and watch it all fall to ruin!”

“I swear you’re jealous of Jon. He clearly gets along with Richie better. They’re a songwriting team and even if that close relationship goes beyond what you think is acceptable, maybe the best thing you could do is just to mind your own business, don’t you think?”

“Fuck, you understand nothing!” David yelled but to his relief, he saw nobody around. He grasped Tico’s arm and pulled them to the side so they wouldn’t stand in the passage.

“Tico, listen. I don’t care if they fuck or not, if that’s what you're not so subtly implying. Well, it makes me sort of uneasy, OK, but that’s not the case here. The last days have been weird and all I want to know is whether somebody will finally tell me the truth?!”

Tico was watching him, steady and calm as usual. David was getting restless.

“You think I’m seeing things? Why are you so fucking cool about that? You and Alec used to share hotel rooms, I’ll bet you know more about this than all of us!”

A sly smile flickered across the drummer’s face.

“He will be fine,” he replied in a low voice.

“So where has the little fucker gone? You think it’s OK to just walk out of the tour just like that and everybody’s cool? Yeah, fine.”

Tico’s took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one. He took a few drags before he finally responded.

“I don’t think he’s coming back.”

***

Jon and Richie were walking the hotel corridor, the blonde fully aware of his rapid heartbeat, which almost made him pass out right next to his suite. He clutched the wall, trying to hang onto it.

“Jon, are you OK?” Richie held him by the elbow. Jon leaned against the cold surface, declined his head and took a few deep breaths.

“Nothing’s OK, Richie. I saw him out there in the audience. He’s after me.”

Richie blinked but then it hit him.

“Let me guess who you got in mind? The self-proclaimed judge of souls?”

Jon looked up, pretty impressed with his sharp reasoning and this odd and yet comforting sense of humour.

“I don’t know what he wants from me. I just think he was humiliated in front of his gang members and now he's looking to settle the score. I do not belong on this killing field, bro.”

“He’s not after you, Jon. If he wanted to kill you, he’d have done it right there.”

Jon frowned at him, deep in thought. Richie forced a weak grin. 

“He’s actually after me.”

“You? But why? You’re not even a vampire.”

“The old chap is jealous of what you haven’t become. Those creatures can only kill but you’re not one of them. You’re right, you don’t belong there.”

“I’ve killed four people. Four people too many. How the hell does that make me any different from them?”

“You’re actually capable of love.”

Jon felt that slab of heartache slide over the lump in this throat as he saw the other man approach him and pull him in a loving embrace, his intentions unmistakable. He closed his eyes when he felt the ghost of a kiss on his lips and wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist. Everything in the world seemed to stop for a few moments. Finally, the guitarist reluctantly pulled away and jerked his head towards the door.

“Let’s go and have some rest. Tomorrow we’ll be in Germany, far away from this nut job.”

“Will you stay with me?”

Jon’s cheeks burned a little but he couldn’t help it. Richie just smiled.

“Sure.”

Jon turned the key and pushed the door. Not until they came in and turned on the light that they heard a low chuckle.

“What a great show! Haven’t enjoyed myself more in ages.” 

The dark-haired vampire was sitting in the armchair, clapping his hands and grinning broadly, his fangs clearly visible behind fleshy lips. Jon and Richie stepped back until they touched the wall, never breaking their eye contact with the beast in front of them.

“You look like the devil himself has appeared in person but even so, it’s good to see you again, Jon. Never thought we’d meet again so quickly.”


	20. The Blood-Red Wine

Jon blinked. He wondered how the old vampire entered his room but his thoughts were interrupted with a loud laughter.

“We’re more powerful than mortals. Have you already forgotten how you were able to read minds and float in the air? You think I couldn’t send my boys after the two of you that night? I was just momentarily distracted… Silly old Alec. This poor sod has no luck in life.”

Jon felt sick to his stomach, his head so light he thought he was going to pass out in a moment. 

“You didn’t…?" He asked breathlessly. 

The dark-haired vampire didn’t say anything, only stared at him with his red eyes, a shadow of a smile curving his lips in an odd way.

“And what do you think I did?” He finally asked, giving him a daring look.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Jon replied in a faint and almost inaudible voice. He was angry at himself because he was so weak around the other one; yet, all he could feel was hatred building up inside of him. 

“It’s not a guessing game, you little smartass. I won’t ever let anyone mess around with me.” 

Jon contorted his face as the harsh words hit him, the annoyance in the vampire’s voice more than obvious. Once again, he was made painfully aware of Vittorio’s superiority over him and just wanted to play it smart and safe.

“It was my fault. I didn’t take the warning seriously so now I have to pay the price, whatever it is. Since you put so much effort to find me, I’m wondering what…,” he hesitated but the other vampire was quicker.

“I want from you?”

Jon nodded and Vittorio grinned.

“I’d love to have a nice cup of sweet blood-red wine, my friend. It tastes almost as good as the real thing.”

Jon’s eyes widened at this unusual request, the absurdity of the situation confusing the hell out of him. He approached the cocktail cabinet as if he was kidnapped by an invisible force, his movements oddly robotic. He felt that soul burning stare as he was pouring the deep ruby liquid into the glass, his shaky hands spilling some of the wine onto the table.

“Don’t make me sit here and drink alone. Have a glass yourself and keep me company. Please.”

Jon knew it wasn’t just a mere request but more like an order so he just nodded and reached out for another glass.

“Your friend can have some, too,” he smiled but Jon could swear there was some sort of reluctance in his smile. 

Richie made a few steps forward from where he was standing the whole time, looking at those two vampires in silence. One of them was a menacing, unpredictable and heartless monster, who could only fake some warmness in the cold tone of his voice. He could almost fool you into being somebody he wasn’t but Richie couldn’t be fooled for one second. It was because he knew the other one so well and whose heart didn’t die although his soul didn’t belong to him anymore. Or so he thought.

They all sat around the table, Jon and Richie next to each other and Vittorio opposite them but still dangerously close.

The old vampire was watching them carefully for some time and finally spoke in a deep voice.

“I can see you’re very close... I could smell it right from the corridor where you almost made out.”

Jon half expected another burst of laughter but it never came. Instead, the shadowy visitant continued with a weary voice.

“I came here because I wanted to see what it is about you that draws people to you like this. Men and women alike. They even risk their lives for you. I wanted to see that wonder of life. I came and saw it with my own eyes. Alec didn’t make a mistake.“

He took another sip of wine.

“And then I heard your conversation in the corridor and I got reminded I used to be different. It was so long ago I almost forgot… But I needed that reset button in order to survive and actually enjoy my new form of existence. I became so good at it that other vampires chose me as their leader. I am the most ruthless of their kind, an excellent killer. I swear I was about to make a little show for the boys the night we met. Alec spoiled my plans but now I think that maybe that wasn't actually a show gone wrong. As I’ve said I could have sent a few to hunt you down and do the devil’s work but I decided against it. It’s not that I’m renouncing my old ways and going to save the world now. No, I’d rather see it immersed in pain and darkness where the filthy humans are the bread and wine for us, the mighty creatures of the night.”

Richie switched in his seat nervously, his wine still untouched. Vittorio looked at him eventually.

“You should feel privileged to be part of this conversation. You’re still flesh and blood and that means you’re an inferior being – I can’t stress it enough - you’re like an animal next to a human. You almost ended up as the sacrifice feast for us.”

He paused for a moment to take a sip of wine, which trickled down his chin, his true nature turning his face into that ghastly look again.


	21. The Sacrifice

Jon and Richie couldn’t help it but felt scared again, that brief moment of relief gone for good. The vampire might look human but he could tear apart both of them in no time and they wouldn’t even scream out. As if on cue, Vittorio grinned broadly, baring his fangs.

“The self-proclaimed judge of souls, you said? In all his glory, just in front of your eyes! But who else can control the shadows? I might not be one of the relatives or leading figures of the royal clan but I’m pretty much satisfied with my position here. They’re only preoccupied with lavish parties and drinking blood from crystal glasses, dancing along to creepy music with organ accompaniment. It sounds so stiff and boring I’m glad me and my boys spend the days and nights roaming the streets. In a sense, we’re as rock and roll as you are,” he chuckled at the sudden realization; colourful light reflected in the gemstone rings adorning his skinny fingers with unnaturally long nails as he pointed out at the two men gazing at him.

“Maybe this is what ultimately saved you and your little friend,” he addressed Jon, serious of a sudden.

“And if you’re still wondering what happened to Alec, then I must tell you one thing. I might be soulless and mercy is not in my book but I have my standards. He, however, deserved to be punished. I hate keeping my fellows in order like that but I can’t tolerate the fact that someone would try to attack you in front of your followers. ”

He stood up and Jon and Richie followed.

“Actually, I hoped you’d be more talkative but I guess I’m a little intimidating to you, aren’t I?”

He laughed.

“Who can blame you, though? You thought I was after you because I took it as a challenge, an affront to my authority. The funny thing is that this little dirt of a friend of yours was cocky enough to think it was about him!”

He laughed even louder, the sound deafening in the stillness within the four walls of the room.

“No baby, I could have broken your neck in a second just to make Jon suffer for eternity but since you happened to be friends or more than friends with such an extraordinary individual, I can finally show some of my non-existent mercy,” he snickered. 

“A little advice for the future, though. Keep away from this place and always take us seriously. After all, the next encounter can take a slightly different turn. I’m not the only one out there and we don’t make friends. It’s either fear or sense of loyalty to those higher in hierarchy.”

They stood in silence, facing each other until Vittorio spoke again.

“Oh, don’t be so serious. I just wanted to have a little talk. The wine’s superb, I can see you have a really good taste. It was my pleasure to meet you, Jon.”

He reached out to the singer and shook the reluctantly outstretched hand, squeezing it a little too hard and making Jon hiss with pain.

“Thanks for the fun. The energy at the concert was out of this world. You’ll have all that to enjoy for centuries. Such a pleasure! I need to reconsider my personal views and maybe swap pubs for concert halls sometimes.”

He headed towards the door and just when he was about to press the handle and leave, he turned around, a huge grin across his face.

“Ah, one more thing before I go. I do feel sorry for my boys for not having their rightful share the other night but I’m sure they will have lots of fun feeding on some of your fans tonight. Discover the pleasure of pain... and the sweetness of reward.”

The old vampire let out an evil laugh and left the room without looking back.

Jon looked at Richie, suddenly chilled to the bone. The other man understood him without words. The fans were their family and they knew they could do nothing about what was about to happen. Notifying the police was out of the question because which sane policeman would believe their story? It was too late to warn anyone from the stage and even if it wasn’t, what would they say anyway? Whatever solution they tried to find failed miserably right from the start. His initial thought was to set off into the night and fight them all but it didn’t make sense at all. One against so many? His heart sank as he realized there was no way out and they were about to hear about mass killings in the media the following day.

Jon fell to his knees and covered his face with his hands. Richie kneeled next to him and embraced him.

“It’s not your fault, Jonny,” he whispered stroking his hair.

“Leave me alone. Just leave me alone! Go away!” Jon screamed, swatting Richie off.

Dumbfounded and confused, Richie pulled away after another painful blow to his arm and just looked at Jon, who was crying dry tears, pulling at his hair and swaying from side to side in desperation. The dull ache in his heart was sharper than the physical pain of Jon’s fist but he knew all he could do was to stay with him despite his anger. Jon seemed unaware of his presence anyway, consumed by his own grief. 

Vittorio achieved what he wanted. He was about to take away the ones Jon loved and he could do nothing about that. 

_Just a few more days and this will be over. One thing I need to do the right way. Whatever it takes to break the curse._


	22. The Fate

It could be minutes. It could be hours. Hell, it could be ages as well. Jon felt himself waking up from a bad dream and when he looked around, he noticed he was sitting on the floor. He wasn’t alone, though. He saw Richie not far away from him, sitting on the floor, too. He was curled up, with his head between his knees. Jon wasn’t sure what was happening, why Richie was sleeping in such a strange position and why his whole body hurt so much. Slowly the painful truth started sinking in and dragging him down like a drowning man who was being pulled even deeper by his fate. He pressed his hands to his temples, pain pulsating on both sides of his head. 

_So fucking helpless. So fucking weak._

He tried to take a deep breath but only felt his chest tightening even more. His tongue hardly licked his chapped lips, the dryness in his mouth made it hard to swallow. Suddenly, his heart rolled over when he realized he was just hungry. Hungry for blood. 

He tilted his head back and looked at the ceiling, an odd urge started somewhere in his abdomen and soared up till it hit his palate and left his lips in a loud, hysterical laughter. Richie’s half asleep body jerked at the sound. Jon would laugh at the startled look on now fully awake face of his guitarist if it wasn’t for the seriousness of the situation. And it was serious because Jon was convinced that he was losing his mind. He was fighting his fate so violently, he hated Vittorio and the vampire kind with all his might and now, just now, he craved the very same blood! The city was full of his fans, wandering down Parisian streets, probably still high on the post-concert adrenaline. All those loving souls just waiting to be devoured by the bloodsucking demons!

“Hey, God! If you’re there, then fucking kill me now, because I swear, I’m gonna kill your children tonight! I’m already damned, you can’t help me, so at least save them! Can you hear me, you almighty Too-Cool-For-Listen or you just don’t give a fuck again? Hit me with a lightning bolt or something, you know what to do!”

Richie was watching in horror as his best friend – his love - was begging for death. Bloody tears streaked his cheeks, damp hair stuck to his head and the darkened eyes were glowing in the pale face, deep black circles underneath giving him even more emaciated look. All he wanted to do at this very moment was to hug him tight and make him forget, however pathetic and useless it seemed.

“Jonny,” he whispered and tried to crawl up to him but Jon pointed his finger at him, flaring his nostrils and narrowing his eyes in an angry look.

“You stay there!”

He opened his mouth but his voice stuck in his throat and he couldn’t say a single word. Jon reminded him of a cornered, wounded animal that would strike if you tried to grab it. He felt tears welling up in his eyes.

Jon was well aware of that and it was only stabbing him inside even more but he chose not to show any human feelings anymore. He’d already decided it was just a matter of a few days. Several hours. No, he didn’t want it but he knew it was the only way. Just three more shows in Germany and it’s all over. He would cut it off right away but didn’t want to cause an uproar among fans, who were already too good at creating conspiracy theories. One final farewell to the ones he loved. Or maybe not. Maybe it would be easier if he walked away without saying goodbye? His heart sank at the very thought.

_Oh God, why?_

“Oh, to hell with that! I forgot he doesn’t exist,” he murmured angrily to himself. The pain of his hunger started spreading through his hollowed out body, the limbs slowly stiffening as they were going lifeless again. Jon smirked seeing his fingers getting this claw looking curve.

_Stolen blood. Stolen life. A thief of hearts. No, just a mere killer. Stop romanticizing shit where there’s none._

A brief thought crossed his mind whether he could just say no to his cravings. The pain was getting more and more intense and he knew he wasn’t able to curb it anymore. The demonic forces were overwhelming his being and starving himself terrified him even more than going out on this killing spree again. He was afraid of himself, of what he became.

He slowly got up to his feet. He looked down at Richie and smiled blankly. 

“I’m out. Need to get some dirty cheap wine flowing, you know. Don’t wait for me.”

Richie was watching his slouched back as Jon was making weary steps towards the door. There was no vampiric grace in his motions, only a man with too much burden on his shoulders.

***

They set off to Germany just after breakfast. Richie didn’t ask any questions but he barely got any sleep that night. David had a watchful eye on both of them but kept all of his unspoken questions to himself. Tico seemed to be the only one who was unaffected but even he wasn’t in the best of moods. The air was heavy with personal dramas gnawing at their hearts but this time they couldn’t put their usual mode of operation into practice. 

_Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow_ simply didn’t work anymore.

Those three consecutive shows went smoothly, although a few keen eyes could notice the lack of chemistry between the band members. Jon was giving 110% per cent of himself on stage, running in circles, screaming and diving into the crowds but was avoiding his bandmates with the exceptions of a few nods to Tico. There were no encores and Jon cut the final bows to the minimum as if he wanted to get his stuff done and disappear. The fans were already discussing Alec’s absence but Jon released a statement to the press that it was due to personal problems and asked for privacy. He never came back to it again. The family, friends and everybody involved knew it was just a smoke screen for some bigger story there but they were afraid to pressure Jon for any details as he’d react with odd annoyance.

Richie tried to approach Jon a few times but he always dismissed him with some lame excuses and spent all the time alone in his room, meeting the rest of the guys only at the rehearsals. Richie was sitting on the bed in the adjoining room, unwilling to go out and party on his own. Dave and Tico were down in the bar, downing booze like water and trying to distract themselves with stupid jokes and small talk, carefully avoiding the touchy subjects. The keyboardist knew very well that Tico wouldn’t let him in Alec’s mysterious departure and although he felt sort of betrayed, he had to respect that. Tico was, after all, his only companion these days. The band was on the verge of something important and he thought the aftermath wouldn’t be something he anticipated. He dreaded the thought that fate of their dream was already sealed.


	23. The Twist

They were sitting on the plane in total silence. Jon had his headphones on and was looking out of the window at the world beneath, which looked a small blue pill, the puffy white clouds blocking the view from time to time. He was wondering how it was possible this land could accommodate so many humans and God knows what other species as well.

_Vampires._

His face twisted up. It’d been a week since Alec turned him into one and then disappeared for good. Now he had to deal with his fate on his own. There was nobody who could help him, who could save him. The presence of all the people around him was tiring and irritating. He wanted the plane to fly even faster so he could just get off and vanish into thin air, without even looking back. All the tour commitments were already fulfilled and it was a well-deserved break time for everybody. 

_This time it means goodbye forever, baby._

Jon smiled to his thoughts but it was more like a grimace of a man who knew the lavish dish in front of him was his last meal before the execution. 

_They will make up a story. Maybe they even fake my death, bury my non-existent body in a grave that will become a place of worship for the faithful._

Jon smile got even wider. It was a wicked and quite entertaining thought. He was so determined to end his misery, he didn’t care what others would do after he was gone. Selfish? Yes. But he wasn’t given any choice, either. 

_Who the fuck would want to be a vampire? Nobody! Maybe only some desperate lunatics who were already the living dead. The living dead._

Jon squeezed his eyes when he felt warm sunshine on his face. Even his shades were useless when he looked at the sun. He somehow preferred the night time now where he could be this graceful killing machine, silent and fast.

_Killing machine._

It was everywhere. Every single headline. They even interrupted the broadcast to bring the breaking news. The shock and the horror of what had just happened was on everyone’s lips but Jon shrugged off the slightest attempts to talk about it. He had already grieved those who died and now he was devoid of any higher form of life in him. He was focused on what he had to do next and the less sentiments, the better.

_So far, so good._

He glanced at his watch. It was about forty minutes left till the plane was due to land on the American soil. He looked across the aisle, where Richie was sitting with his eyes closed, but Jon knew he wasn’t sleeping. His heart skipped a beat when the guitarist moved in his dream.

_All lovers are fools._

He quickly turned his eyes towards the window again. He’d already made a decision and there was no turning back.

***

“So this is it, boys. The tour from hell is finally over. You'll have plenty of time to enjoy yourselves now.”

Jon looked at his bandmates through his sunglasses as they formed a semicircle around him.

“What do you mean by plenty of time? Are you going to have a longer break this time?” Dave asked cautiously, gazing at the unnaturally pale face of his friend and hoping to spot little clues that were more telling that the actual words.

“I don’t know. I’m just tired. Let’s say we’re gonna figure it out in time.”

Jon knew it was all lie. He didn’t have any more time left. The show had to go on. He swallowed hard.

“You’ve always wanted to do something on your own. Maybe this is the right time to go solo for a change?”

David blinked.

“But… but it doesn’t mean we’re splitting up or something?”

Jon shook his head.

“Man, everything’s fine. It's just a hiatus, not a divorce.”

He laughed and patted the keyboardist on the shoulder. David seemed to relax a little.

 _Damn, lying is easier than I thought._

Tico took another puff on his cigarette before he spoke in a low voice.

“Is it because of Alec or is there something else you won’t tell us?”

Jon looked at him intently.

“Alec is a closed book.”

“And so is the band, right?”

Jon cocked his head and raised his eyebrow in a silent question. Tico smiled.

“Because you know. I saw him. He said he wouldn’t be coming back, though.”

Everybody looked at the drummer in amazement.

“Why didn’t you tell anybody? We were all so fucking worried!”

Jon furrowed his eyebrows but at the same time a little beam of light hit his tormented soul. Hope burnt like fire again.

“He told me he would be waiting for you in New Orleans. That’s all I know.”

Jon shook his head in disbelief but a little smirk appeared on his lips.

“Little fucker, first Paris and now New Orleans? I’ll make sure he'll get what's coming to him.”

Tico was looking back at him with a smug grin. Dave shot looks to Richie. There was an undercurrent of shared knowledge that was outside their experience but they understood it perfectly. All was not yet lost.


	24. The Farewell

It was well into the afternoon by the time Jon arrived at Dorothea’s house. He was holding a lone red rose and he could barely hear his heartbeat in the whistling wind. He threw a clod through her window and waited. After a few minutes he saw her emerging from the front door, wearing a tight, figure-hugging black dress and a grey coat, her long hair in a ponytail. She was absolutely breathtaking to look at and Jon suddenly felt the grief over losing her creeping into his heart. He clenched his teeth, hoping the farewell will be short so he could go away and the drizzling rain would muffle his cry. He approached her and took her into a tight embrace. She buried her face in his neck, and he could feel the warmth of her breath fluttering against his collar. They were standing there for a few moments, the heavy autumn wind tossing their hair.

Jon finally pulled away and brushed his fingers against her cheek.

“Can I kiss you?”

She smiled and wiped away a tear. Jon wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold blowing wind or something they both felt at the moment. He put his lips on hers and kissed her slowly and tenderly, as if he was afraid of getting a punch in the face for making more bold moves on her. When their lips parted, Dorothea looked up, trying to make out his face in the thickening darkness. 

“Does it mean you came back just to say goodbye?”

“You deserve the truth and only truth. I promised you that. I love you but I can’t give you what you want.”

She went silent, her eyes fixed on the flower in her hand, before she spoke again, her voice barely audible.

“You’re in love with somebody else, aren’t you?”

Jon choked up, trying to swallow a lump in his throat.

“It’s not that.”

“Then what? You think I don’t fit your rock and roll dream? We can figure out how to make it work.”

Jon smiled at her although he knew she wouldn’t be able to see it.

“You’ve always been stronger than me. I’ve told you I would die without you and yes, it’s true. I’m a dead man. There’s no love in me. Even if I told you… even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe. I need to carry that burden myself. You deserve somebody who will give you everything and more. Paradoxically, once I’ve lost you I realized you are my true love. The one and only.”

His voice trembled as he hung his head. He felt love but couldn't articulate it well enough; instead, he only made Dorothea even more confused and hurt.

“So why are you telling me this? You love me but you can’t be with me? Just tell me you’re still not ready to settle down and you’re only looking for an easy lay because you’re just a fucking rock star and this is what fucking rock stars do!”

On impulse, Jon grabbed her arms, shook them and answered her in an angry tone, his pain echoing in his words.

“I’m not the man you used to know. I’m a fucking shadow, a fucking shell of a man who wanted to be with you, who just wanted to love you! You knew me from the start. Hell, you knew me even before the madness started! You know that I’ve never let it go to my head! You’ve always been my anchor, the one who kept me grounded and sane. You’ve helped me in so many ways that even if I died for you, I’d still have a debt to pay off!”

Dorothea just stared at him, deeply disturbed and shocked.

“So why?”

“Things are not always what they seem. Everyone has a dark side to them. A certain situation has recently come to light, and I had to make a decision. Satan takes no prisoners. Although it means giving up on love, it’s only me losing it forever. You’ll find the one who will make you happy again. I wanted to see you just one more time before I go. I’m moving out. Can’t live here anymore.”

“So you made a deal with the devil? The Satan himself drove you to such insanity?”

Jon staggered, totally taken aback. 

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve always known the industry is full of bloodsuckers who will make you trade your soul for fame and success. Does it mean you chose the dark side?”

Jon gave a hollow laugh.

"You won’t believe how close you are to the truth. I fear my luck has run out. I need to find my way again but God won’t be my companion this time."

“Don’t you remember the time when you just wanted to breathe music, to enjoy life? You wanted to be like Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes. When did it change? You think success hasn’t changed you but we’ve been drifting apart for months, those long months while you were riding on your rollercoaster to hell. Tour after tour. You know it’s killing you. But it’s not too late yet. You can always say no to them. You can always go back. You belong here.”

She came closer and stroke his cheek.

“But it’s your choice and I will respect that. If that what makes your blood boil in your veins, then let it be. I will move on, too.”

For a dizzy moment, he could not even make sense of her words. Her woman’s intuition scared the hell out of him. She couldn’t be closer to the truth and yet, further from it. He couldn’t tell her the full story for her own safety. A fleeting thought crossed his mind that maybe he should have disappeared without a word but then, he would have never forgiven himself being a coward.

“I’m sorry,” he replied in a low voice, hating the fact it all sounded so lame.

“It’s OK, you’ve made a decision. I’ll make mine. At least I know now where I stand. Thank you for loving me. I know you’ve tried. I’ve tried to give it back to you but maybe we’ve been blind all along. And excuse me, I need to go back home, this walk made me cold.”

Their hands brushed as she drew apart and headed towards her house. He watched her open and close the door. She didn’t even look back once.

He hung his head. He knew he could as well be dead for her from now on. This brave, strong, beautiful woman who just let him go without screaming, hitting him or pleading for love. The woman who maintained her honor and pride to the very end.

Now he only had to find Alec.


	25. The Hurt

After leaving Dorothea’s house, Jon decided to spend the night in the city. Instead of going home right away, he hunted down a man changing the wheel on the roadside. Jon noticed he still could see the aura of humans and this fellow wasn’t the one whose death would be mourned. Quite the opposite. 

_Killing me softly… like it was a more merciful death to kill a bad guy than an innocent soul. No! There are no pure souls wandering the Earth anymore. People are spoilt and evil, they can only hurt and disappoint. Maybe I was chosen as his Angel of Death? One death and peace to many._

Jon screwed up his face. The blood tasted like cheap wine, sour and tinged with ill will.

***

Soon, Jon was wandering the cobbled streets of the French Quarter in New Orleans, the oldest part of the city. The beautiful, French inspired buildings with illuminated balconies certainly made a lasting impression on him. Even people were different here, like they didn’t belong to this world. He threw a few coins into a worn hat lying in front of some street musician playing a song he’d never heard before and earned the most genuine smile he’d seen in a long time.

_Man, if only you knew who you just smiled at._

What really amazed him was another thing, though. Alec never told him where they were supposed to meet but some invisible power led him to one of the most popular landmarks, the Bourbon Orleans hotel that was infamous for being haunted.

_I should have known he’d choose this place. Indeed, kinks and manners of a 300-year-old fella._

He stopped in front of a classic building, an imposing façade in pastel colours, with well-lit balconies and wooden shutters, which gave the place a particular taste and atmosphere. 

Alec was nowhere to be seen but Jon knew he was lurking somewhere, his presence uncomfortable on his keen senses. Jon was about to step inside the grand lobby when he saw a familiar figure in a hat leaning against the wall not too far away and drawing on a cigarette.

_Long time no see!_

Jon looked at him in disbelief.

_You can’t be serious! You don’t think we’re gonna have this conversation like this?!_

Alec grinned.

_Stop being a whiny ass. Why don’t you just enjoy some of good things about being a bloodsucker? You’re already gifted and will have more of it coming._

The short man threw the stub to the ground and trampled it with the pointed tip of his cowboy shoe.

Jon finally lost it.

_I haven’t come here to have small talk with you. Perhaps you owe me an explanation for all this, don’t you think?_

Alec stared at him, his smile froze on his face.

_Don't look at me in that tone of voice. Maybe a little ‘thank you’ wouldn’t hurt, either?_

Jon shook his head, not sure whether to laugh out loud or jump at him and break his neck.

_Forget that._

Alec didn’t seem to be surprised. Jon noticed a streak of sadness in his eyes, though and it confused him a little.

“Ok, let’s go inside. My suite is upstairs. I won’t keep you long.”

Alec actual words broke the silent conversation and Jon just nodded. He followed him, admiring the grandeur of the place. After all, the hotel wasn’t the worst of choices, with its old-fashioned, even if a bit spooky, interior. 

The loft suite was situated on the third floor, with an open two level floor plan and a private balcony. Alec led him downstairs where he could see a wet bar and an island kitchen. Jon looked at the antique furniture and oil paintings on the walls, being under an impression that he travelled a few centuries back in time.

Alec put two glasses on the table and filled them with some good quality wine.

“I only drink sweet red wine. Must be the professional flaw. Sorry,” he muttered an answer to an unspoken question with a little smirk.

Jon bit his lip, but no matter how much he despised his former bandmate, he couldn’t help laughing at this remark.

“I can see that you have accepted the reality and you’re pretty comfortable about being a serial killer.”

He thought for a moment and got serious again.

“And a pathetic loser who dared to steal the story of my life.”

Alec clenched his teeth when he looked up at Jon, his eyes burning.

“You’re right. I’m a loser. I’ve lost everything I’ve ever had. You know nothing about me. You’re only thinking about yourself.”

“And how am I supposed to feel sorry for you if you took my fucking life away from me and ostracized until the end of my days? I’m forced into being an exile in a world full of people and I’m not a part of their kind anymore. Who am I now, just tell me?!” 

Jon leapt towards him, grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and yanked him up against the wall.

Alec calmly shoved away the hands he'd laid on his shoulders and stared into his eyes, slowly grounding the words out.

“It was never an act of revenge or a death wish. On the contrary, it was a very deliberate decision, made long before we had that argument in the locker room.”

“So why? Why? Tell me fucking why?”

Alec just kept looking at him.

“OK, to hell with that! I don’t care what the answer is. I came here because I want you to end my misery. I got your gift of life and now I want a gift of death. Real, sweet death when I can feel no more pain and suffering. Your Dark Majesty, please, finish what you started. Maybe this time you won’t screw it up!”

Alec blinked.

“I can’t and even if I could, I wouldn’t do that.”

“Why so fucking merciful all of a sudden?” Jon sneered, never breaking his gaze.

“Because I love you.”


	26. The Story

“Don’t tell me that, like it already wasn’t creepy enough. It just doesn’t sound right,” Jon responded with a flinch as he stepped back.

“And I thought Vittorio was a nutcase. Vampires don’t know what love is. They only feel a fleeting illusion of sentiment tinted with regret and self-pity before they go out and kill again. You know what? It gets easier with time because you learn how to lie in order not to hate yourself for what you have done. You turn to those who don’t deserve to live so you can give absolution to yourself. I don’t want to live that life. Those ten days feel like a lifetime because so much has happened and I feel like everything is just falling apart. My band. My relationships. All that I’ve ever loved, I’ve ever cared about.”

“It’s not what you think. It’s just… I’ve not always been a vampire. I still… I still remember the times I was a human, though. I was working with the other boys on the dock. The place was always busy with people, hustle and bustle of loading and unloading the cargo. A lot of merchants selling exotic goods, beautiful women seducing drunken sailors. I dreamt of visiting distant countries, going on an adventure, living my life to the fullest. I come from a poor family and it was always hard to make ends meet but I never lost hope it’d change one day. I had a wife but we didn’t have children. It was an arranged marriage, I never loved her and she had her things going on the side. When I turned 35, I decided enough was enough and signed up for the merchant ship. During one of those voyages I met him. He was just a few years older than me, or at least he looked so at the time, but he was wise beyond his years. I listened to his stories, enchanted, for several days of our voyage. When we finally went ashore, I was sad to part ways but he asked me whether I’d want to stay a little longer because he had so much more to tell me. I wasn’t sure what exactly he did for a living because he was quite mysterious but he surely was a wealthy man. Curiosity got the better of me and I followed him. I had no idea about his true nature but I was strangely drawn to him. It wasn’t anything sexual, although now I’m not even sure what I expected from him. I just wanted to be around.”

Jon had his eyes fixed on him, a furrow on his forehead.

“Why are you telling me this? What does it have to do with you and me?”

“Wait, let me tell you all that. He turned me. He gave me the bite of death and the kiss of life. I don’t remember him asking me first, it just happened. When I asked him why, he told me I was the purest soul he met in ages and it was his gift. When I learnt what it meant, and I learnt it hard way, I understood I never wanted that. I hated him afterwards and left him there, trying to find happiness again. I walked the Earth from end to end and met millions of people and other vampires. The constant battle to stay alive hardened the last ounces of humanity left in me in so far as to enjoy my new existence.”

Jon got annoyed all of a sudden.

“You’re one weird type. One minute you’re distant and sort of menacing - ‘Oh, just everybody bow to me’ - and the next you turn into that sentimental fool. I couldn’t care less about that corny little story of yours.”

Even if deeply hurt, Alec gave him no sign.

“Jon, please. Sarcasm is not what either of us needs right now. Could you sit down and give me one last chance to tell you what I’ve wanted to say for so long? I’ll keep it short and then I promise I’ll answer all your questions.”

Jon nodded, albeit reluctantly, and seeing the other raise his glass, he also took a sip of his wine. He had to admit it tasted great but decided against saying it out loud. It wasn’t a social outing and he didn’t intend to make it any easier for his former bassist.

“OK, so what happened next?” He asked impatiently.


	27. The Thaw

“I remember you laughing about dying young, that you couldn’t imagine living up to being fifty. Imagine I lived like a hundred years or maybe two. You lose count when you become indifferent, every day seems the same and you just want to go by. I don’t remember anything special about the day I met him. I don’t remember if it was sunny or rainy, whether I fed on a beautiful baby or a drunken dirt, I just know something stirred in me… it was like the spring was about to come and everything was coming to life, you know? Vampires don’t feel the lust the humans do, the gender doesn’t matter since we don’t procreate. He was beautiful and daring, so thirsty for life. I saw myself in him, I saw all my wishes and desires. And I loved him because he was me, he was the one I always wanted to be. And I was so immersed in his youth and innocence, something that was long gone within me. Vittorio would say I was a vampire gone wrong but I simply knew there had to be more to life than just roaming the world to kill and plunder. I guess It was the closest thing to love I, as a vampire, could ever feel. I just couldn’t wait till turning him into one, but I was afraid of him saying no. So I took the chance and just did it.”

Alec hung his head. Jon thought his head would explode. He jumped to his feet, knocking the glass over and spilling the wine all over the table.

“So you actually committed the very same crime before? You turned a man without giving him the chance to say no?! You don’t know what love is, you’re so fucking selfish and cruel!”

Alec suddenly pushed himself away from the table, his words in half sob and half shout.

“I just felt so fucking lonely! I didn’t lie when I told you we walk the world alone. Yes, I enjoyed all the power I had but how much of it can you repeat time after time so you still take pleasure in it? I thought I was a fucking freak of nature because I actually longed for a human touch, I mingled with them! It’s not that I killed or turned everybody who happened to cross my path! After several decades I knew I’d give up everything just to feel love again because it was something we just don’t get, it’s something only humans can feel.”

He went silent for a moment, just to laugh awkwardly afterwards, his gaze fixed on the red liquid dripping from the tabletop.

“I love it when you think nothing's satisfying enough for you so you keep harder. More, more, more and it's still not enough. People, things, places. You change them, enhance them, multiply, repeat, fuck, and still you're not happy. You end up alone at night, surrounded with silence and noise, high and low, confused as hell, wanting to break the bad spell, wondering why you're so fucking complicated so you can get some fucking relief in this life... He just came into my life once and call me cruel and selfish all you want, I just wanted to be like this again; even for this very brief moment, because I knew he’d hate me afterwards. Nobody wants to be one of us. I’ve never met anyone who would want to sacrifice their humanity… to become this.”

Jon approached him and hissed, his pale face unnaturally aflame. 

“So I am like you. You condemned me to the very same solitude you’ve been suffering for ages for a temporary relief. For a fucking relief! Are you satisfied now?!”

Alec pressed his lips together and just looked at him, then shook his head slowly.

“You have eyes and you don’t see. You have heart and you don’t feel. You’re not like me. You’re not alone.”

Jon screwed up his face.

“I’ve just broken up with my girlfriend, given up on my dreams of having a family.”

Alec calmly held his angry gaze.

“I didn’t mean her.”

“So whom?”

“The one who already told you to take him.”

Jon blinked.

“What the hell…?”

Alec squinted his eyes, a very faint smile passed across his face.

“I made you… but even if it means not for me, I know you are in safe hands at the end of the day. Believe me, I can recognize a pure soul.”

Jon was staring at him with his mouth open, all this talk of souls and spirits sent his head spinning.

“You said it in such a way like this curse was actually a blessing. You’re so fucked up, I always knew there was something weird about you and now I just know that for a fact. I’m so done with this conversation.”

He walked up towards the door and as he was about to leave, he turned round one more time.

“Oh, and you’re fired!”

Alec watched him disappear through the door. He felt sad but he couldn’t help smiling to himself.

_You only die once. Then you feel again._


	28. The Question

Jon took a few steps and stopped mid-walk. He rubbed his forehead like he was trying to remember why he actually came here in the first place. Suddenly, he laughed to himself.

_What the fuck? This little fucker of a bard and those goddamn corny stories of his!_

He turned around and went back to Alec’s suite. The bassist was nowhere to be seen, a big red stain already formed under the table. Jon shuddered involuntarily at the sight and yelled Alec’s name but there was no response.

“I know you’re somewhere here! You promised to answer all my questions and I think I have one more!”

After a while, Jon got annoyed and went upstairs. Alec was standing by the window with his back turned.

“Why don’t you answer me?”

“And what was the question?”

“Are you going to talk to me like this?”

“And why do you cheek the older guy?”

Alec slowly turned around and faced him. Jon could swear he looked worn out although he already knew that vampires were much stronger and resilient than humans. 

“So you’re now playing a tough guy again? You’re embarrassed because you showed your soft side, huh?”

Jon sneered but Alec just stared at him in silence.

“Easy, boy! Dial the diva down before we start talking again. I’m already sick of your arrogance. You wanted the truth. You wanted the story. I told you everything.”

“Yeah. I’ve just made sure you like to play with others like with rag dolls and have a moment of relief at the expense of someone’s eternal suffering. But that’s not what I wanted to ask you.”

Alec tipped his hat but his stone face showed he wasn't happy at all with where their conversation was going and how Jon got all snarky and passive-aggressive towards him. He’d hoped things would quiet down between them once Jon got his side of the story but was already proved wrong. 

“OK, go ahead. I’m listening.”

Jon swallowed and tried to gather his thoughts. He became nervous all of a sudden but he had to get the answer he’d wanted so bad. He decided to tone down a bit so that Alec’s soft spot for him would be hit the right way. 

“I thought you died under those swarming bodies when you came… to help me out. I didn’t want to die then. You know… you told me vampires didn’t die but I was so sure it was what was going to happen to me and what actually happened to you. And when you weren’t coming back for days… and then Vittorio in person came to see me… erm, he told me he punished you, then I put two and two together.”

Alec’s distorted face relaxed a little.

“So?”

“So I need to know what it’s like…”

“To be a vampire who can’t die?”

“Yeah,” Jon nodded, doing his best to remain nonchalant.

Alec couldn’t be fooled, though. Jon’s curiosity in that matter was disturbing.

“When I said we’re immortal, I meant it. Vittorio wasn’t able to kill me nor any other vampire. Even our royals, the oldest and most powerful, can’t take your life away. We can only kill humans and other living creatures. You can’t kill the undead. But yes, there are other ways to punish the one who breaks the unspoken law. I’m banished from Paris forever and I guess I won’t be welcome in Europe anymore. The old chap has his fellas everywhere.”

Jon furrowed his eyebrows.

“I’m sorry.”

Alec let out a small laugh.

“I’ve never liked this place that much anyway. I’m pretty much content with being a child of America. And I’ve had my share of travelling the world. I might as well settle down and be low-key from now on. Especially since you’ve just fired me.”

Jon felt his cheeks burning and avoided Alec’s stare while he continued speaking.

“You’ve said you had enough of this lifestyle yourself. You know it’s a very uncomfortable situation for everybody. Besides, I’ve decided to… I mean, circumstances have changed and I think the best idea is to disband. I haven’t told them yet.”

Alec cocked his head and raised his eyebrow.

“Is that really what you want?”

Jon lifted his head to meet Alec’s gaze and nodded, a steely determination in his eyes.

“It’s a clear, firm decision. I just need to know some more on how to… live my life. You know, maybe reading some books or seeing other vampires. I don’t know.”

Alec barked a laugh.

“You want a few classes, right? Forget about books. It’s only some pompous piece of lousy writing, full of quasi poems and ridiculous spells, which don’t work for shit. Just listen to this.”

He approached a bookcase in the corner of the room, took a thick book in a green cover and opened it at a random page.

“My sins are many. I'm evil, all the lies I've told, the souls I’ve stolen. Lust now fills the hole where my heart used to dwell. Many a life have I torn apart. Their screams are still ringing in my ears, while their shadows are falling to their knees. My whole life has been a lie. There can never be any hope for me once I fell from grace. I wait now for my eternal night. One thousand years of light will never come, once angels now burning in hell.”

Alec closed the book rapidly.

“See? So much bullshit. Vampire writers love that dark shit. As if our existence wasn’t tough enough…”

He went silent for a moment. Jon impatiently shifted from one foot to the other.

“You said there are more of us. I’d like to meet them.”

Alec seemed to be taken aback.

“Why? You don’t believe me?”

Jon forced a smile.

“I do. Yet, I still have some questions to answer. After the encounter with Vittorio I’d prefer not to take such a risk again. Just… please.”

Alec gritted his teeth.

“Well, if that’s what you want, then fine. There’s this guy in the city I almost made friends with but once I’ve discovered he’s just an annoying prick, I somehow don’t really fancy seeing him again. He seems rather harmless, though. And maybe he’ll be able to answer all your questions.”

There was an undercurrent of sarcasm in Alec’s voice but it didn’t bother Jon. He was convinced Alec didn’t tell him the whole truth and was more than ready to meet the other vampire. As soon as possible.

“Good. Where can I find him?”


	29. The Visit

Jon’s heart pounded furiously as he was standing in front of the massive wooden door, his hand resting on a heavy brass doorknocker. A part of him hoped the other vampire was out but the other part wanted to get over with it as soon as possible. Finally, after taking a deep breath he gave a couple of bangs and waited. He glanced at the watch. It was only five in the afternoon but the daylight was already fading. It was chilly, but he did not feel the cold. Jon’s sharpened sense of hearing picked up on every footstep, every rustle of his clothes before a pale face with ruffled black hair emerged through the door. Jon felt foolish and unsure under his piercing gaze but since he was there, he had no intention to back out.

“Hi. I know it’s pretty late but if you don’t mind, I’d like to talk. I won’t take long.”

The dark eyes widened.

“Do I even know you?”

Then, his face broke in a wide grin.

“Ah, I can smell a newly turned vampire. You know, it’s like a baby smell to humans. And you’re pretty cute. I’m bored to death today so I just might change my plans.”

Jon felt like an idiot being checked out like this but since Alec warned him that the guy was a tad bit on the crazy side, he could expect just anything. So he went for playing along.

“I’m Jon.”

“Doyle.”

“Quite an unusual name.”

“For a human or for a vampire?”

The dark-haired vampire laughed, dimples showing. Jon felt a little uncomfortable.

“Oh, in general. I mean, I know nobody bearing this name.”

“It’s of Irish origin and means ‘dark stranger.’ My old man’s name was Donn and you wouldn’t guess, it means exactly the same! I couldn’t find a more fitting name for a vampire. Too bad he never got to know.”

The vampire laughed again. Jon thought that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to come here. Doyle opened the door wider and gestured for him to step inside.

“Welcome to my humble abode,” he grinned.

As Jon passed through the doorway, he felt like he travelled in time. He gasped, seeing the oil paintings in gold-rimmed frames, thick carpets and antique furniture, the grandeur of the interior taking his breath away.

“You like it here?” 

Smiling with smugness, Doyle walked over to the solid wooden table and pointed to a richly decorated, silk-covered armchair. 

“Fancy some drink? I’ve got some excellent vintage wine in my cellar, a very good year.”

Jon spread his hands out and shook his head.

“There’s no way I could say no to a fine wine but no, please don’t trouble yourself.”

Doyle grinned but his fangs weren’t as prominent as Jon would think. The smile was warm and genuine.

“It doesn’t happen every day to have somebody over. Please, be my guest.”

Jon nodded.

“Ok, if you insist. Thanks.”

While the other vampire disappeared downstairs, Jon looked around and admired the inside of the house, wondering how the hell the guy could afford living in such conditions.

As if on cue, Doyle reappeared, holding a bottle of deep ruby tipple in his hand.

“I’ve had ages to gather those things.”

He pointed around the room as Jon froze on his spot.

“It’s OK, man. I used to forget others can read minds, too. It took time to learn how to use all your powers properly.”

He poured wine into two glasses and sat opposite Jon, his dark eyes glistening in the dim light of buffet lamps.

“So, Jon, what brings you here? I don't suppose you being here is a coincidence.”

Jon cleared his throat.

“Well, one of my buddies happens to know you. And since he couldn’t answer some of my questions, I asked him if he knew anybody else… of our kind.”

Doyle rubbed his chin.

“I gather your buddy is also a vampire. What’s his name?”

Jon rolled his eyes, thinking of what to say so he wouldn’t give Alec up but at the same time came to the realization that playing games wouldn’t pay off at all. He sighed and decided to go for full honesty.

“Alec John Such. He played bass in my band.”

Doyle got a kind of cryptic smile on his face, as he replied.

“Oh, we met on a few occasions but can’t say we’re best of friends. He’s one smart ass who likes to stretch the truth a little too often. I’ve never been ashamed of who I am and mind games are not my cup of tea.”

Jon straightened up in his chair, having realized his assumptions about Alec proved to be correct. The bastard was lying to him! On the other hand, he just met the other vampire. How did he know who he should trust? His gut feeling told him to stay and give the _dark stranger_ a chance, even though this tall, handsome vampire bore a striking resemblance to Richie. It made him really uncomfortable because it brought up some painful memories. Or maybe he just realized he actually missed him more than he’d like to admit. A pang went through him; had he gone too far?

Jon shifted in his seat again. Doyle raised his eyebrows.

“Nervous, huh?” 

“No, actually as for being a stranger, you treat me with great hospitality. And the wine is excellent. Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

Jon noticed that Doyle had his eyes fixated on him and pursed his lips in a silent anticipation.

“You know, it’s just a matter of a few days, two weeks now. I’m in the dark, don’t know where to go, who to ask. I’m just hurting the ones I love. I’m so confused, just looking for something that will help me end this misery. I died once but I feel like I’m dying every day. Every fucking time I go out and kill, I feel a temporary relief and then I want to rip my fucking heart out. Alec told me vampires don’t die so it means I’m doomed to this fate, I’m condemned forever!”

Jon almost screamed the last words, a sense of despair and helplessness in his voice palpable.

Doyle smiled faintly.

“You even use the right wording, my friend. You’re learning fast.”

Then he became serious again.

“It’s always difficult at the beginning but you’ll get used to it eventually. I had it easier I guess because I was actually given the choice.”

Jon gasped.

“What?!”

“I wanted that. I said ‘yes’ even before I was asked the question.”

Doyle laughed awkwardly, a light blush creeping up his cheeks. He put his hair back from his eyes and leaned back. 

Jon thought he was going crazy. 

“How come?” He muttered under his breath, as it was the only response he could muster.

“I guess love makes people do foolish things. I’ve never regretted that, though.”


	30. The Tale

“You were in love?”

Jon got intrigued. The more he knew about the other vampire, the more mysterious he seemed.

“I believe I still am. You just don’t stop loving someone just because he chose to walk away. We never said our goodbyes so I know he’ll be back one day.”

“He?”

Doyle looked down at his glass and gave a sly smile.

“You don’t choose who you fall in love with, right? It just happens. It’s always been like that, no matter if it is the 17th or 20th century. Life got easier with all the technology, planes and cars, but feelings and emotions don’t have an expiry date. He was my best friend, we grew up together in the same town. We weren’t poor but we certainly weren’t the blue-bloods, either. The noblemen surrounded themselves with luxury and art, the more majestic and grand, the better. Everything was so impressive, the Sun King was the subject of admiration and jealousy. And just so you know, his hair was even bigger than yours.”

He chuckled at a funny look on Jon’s face.

“He was the ruler of France while I was a kid. Just to give you a glimpse of what it was like for me when I was your age and why my house looks like a 17th-century mansion. Or maybe more like a museum to you. Actually, I was immortalized forever on my 25th birthday. This is when he turned me.”

Doyle went quiet and just sat there, his mind thousands miles away. Finally, he woke up from his thoughts and gave Jon a blank stare, sadness lurking behind his dark eyes.

“We liked adventures, you know? We would sneak into those dive bars where drunken sailors were telling their stories and watch the scantily clad prostitutes dancing around them. Now you have all those fancy strip clubs where everybody can come and enjoy the sights. It surely changed with time.”

He smiled to himself.

“We were crazy. We got our boring jobs but the nights were ours! Both he and I had fiancées but we felt way too young to tie the knot. You know, we were in our mid-twenties and our folks started acting impatient. Marriage was sacred at those times. Once you exchanged your vows, you had to keep that promise forever. France was so obsessed with their Catholic faith, the king himself doing quite a show with his long prayers and devout practices. It did not stop him from experimenting with some fair ladies other than his rightful spouse as well.”

Doyle shook his head in amusement.

“And this one night I had this huge row with Aimée. She gave me an ultimatum to either marry her or leave her alone because she wasn’t getting any younger and my reluctance to legalize our relationship was actually putting her to shame in front of her kin. Believe me, she wasn’t that shy when we were alone,” he chuckled. “I sometimes think about her. She could have been my wife and we could have a family together. I’d have been long gone, too.”

Doyle took a sip of his wine and licked his lips.

“Excellent,” he murmured to himself and then looked at Jon again. “So, what was I talking about?”

“You said you and she had a fight one day,” Jon answered tentatively.

“Right! Forgive an old soppy fellow for a moment, just too many memories now! So, we had a fight and I was so down I didn’t feel like going out that night. I told Mael I wanted to stay in and to process everything that had been said. I seriously had my back against the wall. I didn’t want to lose her but deep inside there was this unnamed fear of becoming committed to one woman. I guess I didn’t want to grow up just yet. Now I can only laugh at my reflection in the mirror. I was so stupid, so fucking blind. This marriage wouldn’t change anything. She was a strong woman and the only one I really loved.”

Jon thought of Dorothea and felt a cold spike in his heart.

“But something happened? Something you couldn’t predict and wouldn’t believe even if somebody told you so?”

Doyle nodded appreciatively.

“You get the idea.”

“But it didn’t happen to you, at least not directly.”

“Bingo!”

“So who was it? Was it… Mael?”

Doyle swallowed hard.

“Yes and no. Actually, he was hanging out in our usual favourite place all on his own. He said he didn’t remember much. It was already dark and there were a lot of lone drunks puking in the bushes or heading home on wobbling legs, sometimes leaning on equally drunk sluts. We learned to ignore them. They were harmless as long as you didn’t disturb them. We naively thought we knew it all. All the tricks, all the traps. And then he didn’t show the next day. I waited till late afternoon thinking he was just busy but when I’d already finished my job and asked his workmates about him, they said he hadn’t turned up. This is when I got really worried. My overactive mind pictured him with his throat slit somewhere in a ditch on the side of the road. The truth turned out to be even worse.”

“How did you find out?” Jon asked and realized he was holding his breath as he was putting the pieces together.

“I went to his house straight after work. His mother told me he was lying in his bed feeling extremely unwell. I’d never seen her so worried and angry! Most probably she was convinced I’d taken him out and we got drunk out of our minds! I had to pretend to be hangover and sorry just to get rid of her and hurry up to his room. When I saw him there, surrounded with almost complete darkness, groaning and shaking, a fleeting thought drifted through my mind that maybe he was seriously injured or stabbed and his mother didn’t tell me everything. He was sweating profusely, his skin as white as a sheet with hair sticking to his forehead. I asked him what happened but he just grabbed my hand. I still remember shuddering at the touch, he was deadly cold. I pulled my hand out and stared at him in horror. He held my gaze for a while and then just craned his neck. In the dimmed light of the candle I could see a bite mark, the most unusual pattern I’d ever seen in my life. I asked him again but he only moaned how thirsty he was and that his whole body was burning. I don’t remember being so scared in my life. I seriously thought he was possessed. The funny thing is, I couldn’t be closer to the truth. He was dying right there and I could just watch him helplessly.”

Doyle stopped his tale, a dark shadow spreading on his face. Jon remembered his last struggle and shivered involuntarily. It was all still too fresh in his memory to get emotionally detached from those events. The past became his here and now. Doyle’s weary voice woke him up from his thoughts.

“And then nothing was like it used to be. We stopped hanging out. He was avoiding me, suddenly having secrets he didn’t want to share with me anymore. I was confused and hurt because I thought it was my fault. The guilt was killing me. Mael didn’t make it any easier. One day, he told me he decided to leave the town. I asked him why he ever bothered to let me know. He said we were best friends once and I deserved it. Then I told him that whatever happened, I deserved to be part of it. He told me I couldn’t go where he was going and was about to leave the room when he turned round and kissed me. He could have stabbed me as well. I was hurting so much not even Aimée was able to comfort me. Finally, I told everyone I needed to go away and be on my own for some time. I took a few things and just set off, having in mind that by walking like this, I’d probably end up somewhere. My feet guided me to this cranky old guy called Joe I met in the dive bar the other day. His wife died in childbirth and he never remarried. I took a liking to him because he always told the most wild stories. This is how I learnt about vampires. Although Mael never told me, I just understood that, in some cases, fairy tales did come true.”


	31. The Call

Jon gasped.

“But you met him again? You said he turned you into a vampire!”

Doyle raised his index finger.

“Not so fast, my friend. I seriously thought that once he left, he left for good. At least this is how I imagined it. Joe’s theories were ridiculous but all I could do was either believe him or set off to look for the truth somewhere else. The problem was, I didn’t know where to look for it. Hell, I didn’t even know where to start. I surely didn’t want it to end like this. Somewhere deep inside I felt – I knew – it wasn’t the end. So I challenged fate!”

Jon was listening to the story in silence, wondering why it spoke to his heart on this irregular, weird wavelength, pulling on the strings and bringing a dull ache along.

“So what did you do?”

“I went there.”

“Where?”

“To hell itself.”

Doyle gave Jon a crooked smile.

“Now the best part of the story. Joe told me the vampires gathered in a nearby forest and had some mysterious festivities in the abandoned mansion, which once belonged to a man of some notoriety but who disappeared without a trace. People were afraid of this place. The stories of the poor wretches who got lost on the meandering paths only fueled the fear among the locals. Joe warned me not to go there but this was my only chance to see Mael again. Even if the failed mission meant death.”

As if on cue, Jon heard the hoot of an owl nearby. The sad call repeated several times before it went quiet again. Jon shuddered, suddenly having realized the seriousness of the matter. It wasn’t just an old wives' tale. It was as real as him being a new creature. Sharp fangs still felt funny in his mouth. He looked at his hands. He didn’t remember having such long nails in his life and he wondered whether he would be able to play the guitar again. Doyle’s laugh rudely interrupted his thoughts.

“Don’t worry. They aren’t made of stone. I still play the piano. It’s in the grand room so if you’re not in a hurry, I can play some for you.”

“I can play a little, too. It’s just… it’s just I have this weird feeling, this strange urge within me, that I need to find what I’m looking for really quickly or else I will lose it. I can’t really explain it to you because I don’t understand it myself. It’s just there and it makes me restless out of my mind.”

“It’s not entirely from within. Somebody’s calling you. Somebody close to you.”

Jon frowned, puzzled by the answer.

“Sometimes you scare me.”

Doyle bared his teeth in a wide grin, the dimples cutting deep in his cheeks. Jon felt an electric jolt passed through him and made him slightly dizzy.

The dark-haired vampire leaned over, an entertained smile on his lips.

“I don’t think my wine is affecting you that much.”

“You didn’t finish your story,” Jon said strenuously, trying to change the subject and distract himself from an uneasy thought budding in his head.

“I don’t think you’ve told me everything, either.”

Jon squirmed under his scrutiny. There was no use hiding anything as the dark-haired vampire seemed to possess wisdom and knowledge exceeding his own.

“I have… a friend,” he stuttered. “Those recollections… those little things, they make me fucking crazy.” 

Jon swallowed hard before he fixed his eyes on his companion, the embarrassment of the forced confession turning into anger.

“You know what? Thanks for everything but I didn’t come here to listen to stories. Alec told me his verbal resume and I almost spat in his face. A heartless bastard! You just can’t find a good enough reason to justify taking one’s life but no, I’m not looking for consolation. You certainly won’t get me allured into that realm of death and horror, either. You are all sad and pathetic loners who are killing time, in between sucking some poor souls dry in dark alleys. Like thieves in the thick of the night, always hiding, always trying to justify your choices and find any joy as the centuries drag by mercilessly. Ultimately, you become weary and bitter like that little fucker who turned me on a fucking whim! For a fucking glimpse of what he thought was being in love!”

The sky-blue orbs clouded with raw pain glared out over a set jaw.

“I’m looking for death! Yes, I’m looking for self-annihilation, for eternal peace of being one of the stone-cold stars in the sky. I don’t want this Gift. It wasn’t a kiss of new life. It was Judas kiss, a kiss of death that can’t be undone! Already said goodbye to everyone I ever loved and now I’m roaming this God-forgotten land to fake out my fate! It sounds fucking pathetic but I don’t care anymore. Never cared too much about living, thinking I wouldn’t make it to 50 but hell, I was living my dream! It’s funny that once I lost it all, I realized how many of them still hadn’t come true. I realized I really wanted to be a dad, to leave something after me. I didn’t want to get married but now, if given another chance, I’d elope with her to the nearest chapel and do the damn thing! I don’t believe vampires can’t die. I’m sure Alec lied to me so that’s why I decided to come here and find a way out with a little help from you or whoever.”

Doyle’s dark eyes were piercing through him, his voice low and soft as he spoke again.

“We’re not gods, we just die differently than humans. It’s not about being a human or a vampire, though. It’s about a life with or without purpose.”

Before Jon managed to say anything, Doyle continued his story, carefully pronouncing each word.

“I risked my life to find love, you risk your love to find death. If I told you now, would you do it?”


	32. The Crack

Jon looked away as he found himself unable to held that gaze.

“There’s no love in my life. So much has changed I don’t know anything anymore. I think I made myself clear. Instead of just telling me the truth, you’re confusing me.”

“You basically want me to give you a recipe on how to successfully commit suicide while being immortal. Is this what you expect from me?” Doyle laughed, oddly amused. “Even after I told you that it was actually my decision to give up on my mortal life to find the happiness I wasn’t even sure would look like?”

Slowly, the smile faded and his handsome face darkened again.

“You know it’s not about me or the story of my life. It’s the person that transpires through me in some weird way. You see, it all can change so it’s not a dead-end street you stubbornly lead yourself into. Why don’t you want to reinvent your game and keep luck on your side? There’s so much yet to come. Not every vampire becomes a suffering martyr of their own doom and you know that very well.”

“I met a few but it surely wasn’t something I’d want to try again.” Jon responded derisively. “Besides, why would I want to? It’s a losing battle anyway. I already know there’s no happy end to this little story of yours. Love in vampire terms means losing.”

“You can’t win until you’re not afraid to lose. And I don’t mean giving up on hope and looking for something that will numb you. I gave away everything I ever owned to feel again and just know that, I was fully aware of the risk. While you’re searching blindly for the only answer you think is right, I plunged into the flames of hell with my eyes wide open!”

Jon’s bottom lip trembled, his cheeks burning with newly-found shame.

“I’m not a coward if that’s what you’re implying,” he said through gritted teeth.

Doyle narrowed his eyes.

“Have you told anybody about your transition?”

Genuinely surprised, Jon looked askance at the other for a moment.

“Why are you asking? Does it matter if they know?”

Doyle laughed out loud.

“So you did! And it wasn’t your girlfriend, am I right?”

The question earned him a scowl but Doyle didn’t mind it. The intensity of the young man’s reactions was a good sign. Not everything was lost yet.

_Patience. Just take it slow._

“There’s a person you trusted enough to tell them about it. That’s something! That friend of yours...” Doyle quickly waved his hand to cut Jon off as he was about to open his mouth. “Wait! I am not here to pry into your personal life although I’ve share awful lots of mine,” he coughed. “That friend of yours might be more important to you than you probably realize.”

“And I’m not here to have my life analysed. I don’t need a fucking shrink to tell me how to live my life. I’ve made my own decision, ” Jon snarled angrily. 

“And yet, you’re here. Drinking my wine and staying up late listening to those dull stories of mine. Jon, I’m a friend, not a foe.”

Jon lowered his eyes with a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry. I just want to stop hurting. Hurting myself and hurting others because this is what’s waiting for us in the end. I want to disappear so everybody could just move on. It’s easier to have somebody as a loving memory than a constant reminder of broken dreams. Losing everything I apparently took for granted.”

“It’s not losing if you turn fear and pain into fight. I was scared to death when I left Joe’s house and went off to that damned spot I knew I wouldn’t be welcomed with opened arms. But I knew that if I were to believe Joe’s words about those vampire gatherings there, there was a chance I’d meet Mael among them. Call me crazy but I was that hell-bent on that!”

Doyle leaned over and stared at Jon, his face tense and the dark pupils widened so much the whites of his eyes were almost invisible.

“Have you ever loved somebody so much you would die for them? Has anybody ever loved you so much that they would do the same for you? Or would you rather give up on it because it’s easier not to feel anything at all? Love is pain but it makes you alive. You don’t need to seek physical death, my friend. You’re already dead!”

Jon shivered, having understood why their conversation set him tingling all over. He didn’t expect these harsh words, like arrows piercing him through, would summon up some very strong feelings inside him – pain… rage… sadness. He became aware of the fact that he and Doyle were both determined to challenge the fate at all costs but the motives behind their drive were worlds apart. 

He finally realized in this story he was actually playing Mael’s part. The man who simply left everything behind and cut those who loved him off completely. What he thought could be the best way out was, in fact, selfish and cruel. His life didn’t belong only to himself no matter how stubbornly he clung to his ego and pride. Jon hunched, letting out choked sobs he couldn’t stifle. He drowned in the long-contained sorrow that finally burst the banks and flooded the very recesses of his soul like violent tidal waves.

Doyle was watching the blonde singer closely but made no move to comfort him, knowing deep down the brave façade had to crumble.


	33. The Dare

Once Doyle saw that Jon calmed down enough to go back to where they finished, he spoke up, a soft smile on his lips.

“I’ve never said it’d be easy but perhaps, just perhaps, you came here not to lose but to find yourself.”

Jon flinched at the quiet words but didn’t feel like facing the other vampire just yet; instead he kept looking down at the clenched fists on his lap, the knuckles white from inner tension.

“I never wanted my pain to be inflicted on others. Not at all! On the contrary, I just wanted to stop hurting. People leave or die but life goes on. The life I knew and enjoyed so fucking much ended when a person I trusted made me his temporary relief. As you well know, I had a girlfriend I wanted to make my wife. I had a band just on the threshold of fame and success.”

He finally lifted his head, his blue eyes burning.

“I had the whole world at my feet! And then there was a Judas kiss and now I’m left with the aftermath of this soul-draining and life-sucking experience. Literally! Do we even have souls anymore? Or is it just flesh and bones without a pulse, unless I steal another day more to live?”

Doyle calmly held his gaze, his mouth curved into a small smile that wouldn’t fade.

“What ghost carries flesh and bones? You’re not breathing stolen air, nor you’re dependent on human blood, as it becomes a matter of choice with time. There’s way more to vampires than you think and it certainly isn’t a living hell. You’re way too young in vampire years to understand everything that’s happening around. I can sense some unresolved inner conflicts clearly affecting your judgement. Listen, what I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to say any farewells to the life you’ve had known. If there’s something you can’t change, then all you need is to reinvent yourself. Life isn’t about having all your questions answered, all your doubts dispelled or all your pains relieved. Everyone dies but not everyone really lives. Life is about living. If there are people around you who love you unconditionally, never let them go! Life without purpose, without having anyone to share it with is as empty as trying to run away from it.”

Jon squinted as if in pain.

“Does it mean I can’t make my own decisions? Does it mean I need to put others first and ignore my own suffering? Is it really that much I’m asking for? And you don’t have to tell me. I know what you’re thinking now; that I’m an insufferable, egoistical bastard. I would admit it myself if the circumstances were different. This change is irreversible, though. This little supernatural experience means I will live forever while watching my loved ones dying one by one. I can’t give Dot a family we both wanted. I can’t go and play with my brothers because just how long we can carry on without giving myself away? Fucking vampires don’t age! The fangs look unnatural! When I don’t concentrate hard enough, I move around without making any fucking sound! And the regular bloody outings! It’s just a matter of time the police will put the clues together.”

All of a sudden, a loud laughter pealed in the room. Thinking that he was just being an object of mockery, Jon screwed up his face and gave him a dirty look but Doyle just kept laughing.

“I’m sorry, man. It’s just… it’s just… there are so many of us everywhere! You’ve seen your vamp fellows more times than not without actually realizing the deadly creatures are walking among humans. We’re not hiding in forests and caves or sleeping in the coffins unless we feel like it. It’s some shit made up by poor writers and cheap movie productions. The ones I watched still make me cringe.”

His lips curled over his sharp teeth to illustrate his disgust.

“Vampires are not crippled, ugly monsters. We’re forever immortalized so we’re young and beautiful, and yet way more intelligent and powerful than humans. Honestly, I can’t see that many downsides of being one. Seriously, Jon. Don’t let go. Don’t give up. It’s a wonderful life, a wonderful adventure! There is as much pain and joy as in a human life, except it’s considerably longer. Oh, only several lifetimes more of it, you know.”

Jon pulled a funny face.

“Richie would think it’s fun.”

Doyle suddenly got interested.

“Richie? Is he that close friend you’ve mentioned before?”

Jon felt his cheeks reddening and got angry with himself. He was the worst actor ever, couldn’t hide anything under the gaze of a pair of watchful dark eyes.

“It’s cool, man. I think I’ve already figured it out,” Doyle’s face lit up. “Do you want to hear the rest of the story? Now that you’re a little less hell-bent on this suicidal mission, it might be of an interest to you. It does have a happy end, even though you don’t see it as such. Those many years we shared are so worth the pain of separation. I’d go through it again if I could…”

“Who told you I’ve changed my plans? I’m still thinking of what to do. I’m just considering more options now,” Jon snarled, trying to act tough again. He knew he already exposed too much.

As soon as he turned his face to the window, he noticed it was nearly dawn outside, the darkness of the night giving in to the light of the day about to break.

“We talked away the whole night!” Jon gasped, realizing he clearly lost track of time. “I should be going now,” he added, almost apologetically.

“The whole night and three bottles of the finest wine,” Doyle said jokingly and smiled at him. “I have a feeling we won’t meet anytime soon so I just wanted to keep it short and sweet. There is a happy ending to my story. There’s life after death.”

Jon just kept staring at him. He wasn’t sure what kept him in place; whether it was a hint of curiosity or some unconscious gratitude.

“Joe told me they never started before midnight so I went to that coven for vampires just as soon as it got dark. And believe me, I almost ended up as their dinner,” Doyle chuckled to himself. “But no, it wasn’t funny, man. It was really scary. When several tall silhouettes surrounded me, clad all in black, they looked like predators ready to strike. Their coats were rustling in the wind and the eerie noise alone gave me chills. They seemed to communicate without words for some time until one of them asked my name. It sounded like a growl and I already could feel my stomach pushing up my gullet. The air was so heavy I barely breathed a response. A growing feeling of despair began to settle around me as I tried to withdraw but they were encircling me even more. White teeth flashed before my eyes and I was sure I was seconds from death. The last thing I remember before collapsing to the ground was someone shouting at them to stop. And then everything turned black.”


	34. The Trust

Doyle’s face went stiff and he just gazed ahead, the blurry memories burning the winding path into his heart. He winced, everything still so fresh and painful as if it had happened just the day before. The prolonged silence kept Jon on the edge of his seat. As soon as he was ready to interrupt the uneasy stillness, Doyle spoke again.

“When I woke up, there was Mael, looking at me, concern clouding his blue eyes. I was confused because I didn’t know where I was, barely recognizing his face in the darkness. He was hovering above me so I figured out I must have been lying on the ground. The horror of my experience numbed my senses so I didn’t feel the dampness of the air brushing against my skin or the cold floor digging into my hip. I was there, stretched out and barely alive but I tried to smile at him, which probably looked more like a grimace. I’m not sure to this day whether I saw tears in his eyes but they never fell down. Instead, he hugged me close, his long hair tickling my face. He was whispering all the words I had been dying to hear for so long, and then I felt his heartbeat as he lay down on me. I gasped instinctively upon the touch but his body felt surprisingly light. I could see the pearly droplets of sweat on his pale face as he drew closer and was staring right into my soul, probing, awaiting.

I mouthed a silent ‘Why? How?’ but he shushed me with his finger.

‘I paid the price first. One day you’ll understand but it’s not the time to talk about it now. We have to hurry up. I have just one question. I will take you with me into the wilderness of the unknown but I need your ‘yes’, Doyle. I want to hear it from you. I want to know you want it so you won’t hate me for doing this to you. You still have a choice. You don’t have to cross the line and become the devil I am right now.’

I tried to tell him I was already prepared for all this but he shook his head, riveted his tormented gaze on me and let his face twist into harsh lines of badly hidden anger.

‘You know nothing! It’s dark and lonely here. I’ve given up on human blood, the sticky thickness of it haunting me in my dreams. I’m fighting my nature but it’s stronger than me and I know I’ll eventually give in to my urges from within. The monster I’m keeping inside is crawling under my skin, itching me to do things I refuse to do but my powers are limited.’ His eyes closed and a deep frown etched on his forehead. ‘The vampires don’t accept outcasts like me. I’ve become an object of mockery and last traces of humanity left in me are weakness to them, equal to betrayal of their kin. I’m like an alien, neither a human nor a vampire. I don’t belong anywhere. I actually tried to be part of the pack but they sicken me. They don’t only kill to live. They kill for fun. All those disgusting orgies, where humans are their prey, caught in a hypnotized dance of death. When I realized I needed to follow my path alone and was ready to leave them, you came here and everything changed.’

_So you were ready to give up on everybody that used to mean something to you, too?_

Mael’s face darkened.

‘I can’t go back because I’m not the same person anymore. Look at me! I look like my old self but you know it’s just a shell!’

He moved so close our noses almost touched and I felt a sudden chill. His eyeballs turned pitch-black and the veins around them swelled in a bloody mosaic through paper-thin skin, while sharp fangs protruded from his upper jaw. I got overwhelmed with a sense of intense fear and evil surrounding me. I froze in terror, never being more aware of what a vampire was until then.

‘See? You’re so afraid of me. You’re so afraid of death. It’s not romantic. It’s not something I want you to go through. I’m a demon who feeds on blood, who hides in the darkness and who’s continuously tormented with the memories of being a human. The memories of love and life.’

I tried to move my head and hissed in pain, which seemed to overpower me like a tight blanket. The right side of my face felt like it was on fire. I slowly reached out and put my fingers to my aching cheek. The ragged skin burned under the touch and I knew it was bad, the cuts dangerously reminded me of claw marks. Tentatively, I moved my hand down to my neck only to discover it was wet and sticky around the unmistakable wound of a bite. I just looked at him, unable to say it out loud.

Mael turned his head slightly to his left side, his words barely audible.

‘I’m sorry. I had to do it. I had to do it to you so they could let go of you.’

I was so weak and confused I couldn’t make out what he said but a nagging voice in my head kept whispering the same question again and again.

_So this is it? Am I dying?_

‘I did a little show.’ He turned his head back at me and smiled wanly. Only then I noticed the scary mask of the undead morphed into the handsome face of a man I loved. ‘I told them it was the time I fed on a mortal. I had to make them believe so…,’ he swallowed hard. ‘I wasn’t gentle with you.’

He tenderly stroked my hair.

‘The animal that mauled you, stole your soul right from the Satan’s altar. Like the Prometheus who stole the fire from the heavens, I didn’t want them to put the only candle out. Doyle, I saved you and now… now I am asking you the question I’ve promised myself never to ask anyone. Why on earth did you come back?!’

His voice broke and I knew what he meant. My head was splitting wide open but my heart was beating furiously like a drum in my chest, too loud to be drowned out. There was only one answer and the only path I could follow, even though the danger was lurking below. I had never been more sure of anything in my life. When I finally said it, all the ropes that kept me hanging cut loose.

‘Yes.’

He flinched, bewildered, and grabbed my arms blindly.

‘You’re crazy,’ he whispered. ‘You still have a choice.’

‘I’ve already made a choice. Just do it. Don’t waste any more time if we’re given so little.’

The kiss was bittersweet because I knew those were the last moments of anything I knew. But I also knew I wanted to go into the unknown if it meant being together. The brotherhood for life. Blood for blood. We kept to the promise.”

Doyle paused for a moment, his forehead knotted beneath the dark hair. 

Jon was watching him closely and noticed the slight tremble in his hands, the subject matter obviously causing him a lot of pain. He clenched his teeth, trying to put all the pieces together so he could have something to believe in, too. The other vampire’s unflinching trust amazed him and made him realize how weak and feeble his own mind was. He was just too weary and disillusioned to notice that broken hearts can heal if you let them. The answer to his own suffering was hunting him, the shadows of it began to form in the light of what he had been told. No matter how hard he was trying to repress or ignore it, it was hitting back at him and he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to fight it anymore. What he dreaded was the idea of being left alone, without a girl to kiss his pain away, without a gang of brothers to support him in the time of darkness. Even if he told them now, would they understand? Could they bear it? So why did his heart ache so much, even though he thought he made the right decision?


	35. The Realization

Doyle sighed heavily.

“It was painful as hell. I knew I was in a tight embrace of a man I loved and I had to go through the very same thing he’d gone before but it didn’t make it any easier. As he was sucking my life out, I was burning alive, my dry lips swollen with the scream that wouldn’t come out. Just when I was sure I was already dead, he slit his wrist open and pressed it against my mouth. I still remember the dark-red stream of blood gushing out while I was drinking from his cup hungrily. At one point, he wrenched his hand away, leaving me gasping for air.

‘Enough!’ He whispered strenuously and lay beside me in silence. My body was shaking violently and I had this weird sensation of my skin cracking, the once hollowed out veins being on the verge of exploding. I wasn’t thirsty anymore but two forces were fighting in me; all the good and evil that already dwelled in me or were yet to be a part of me. The increasing pain was getting unbearable and I started to fade in and out of consciousness, the glimpses of what was around me blending with darkness descending upon me.”

Jon furrowed his eyebrows. His own transformation was such a bad experience he shuddered at the thought. 

“Birth is always stained by death,” he whispered as he gave Doyle a searching look.

The dark-haired vampire lifted up his head but Jon couldn’t make sense of his facial features.

“Parting is such a sweet sorrow when you know you’ll come back, although it doesn’t make it any less scary. Trust is about sacrifice. Giving away everything you think has always been yours in exchange for something you consciously choose in the hope of having it, being part of it.”

Jon smiled ironically.

“Hope is like a blank cheque. It’s blind more often than not.”

“And yet, your heart is rarely wrong. Blind love happens and binds people forever.”

Jon squinted his eyes.

“Do you believe in fate?”

Doyle chuckled.

“How can you ask after everything I’ve just told you?”

“But he walked out on you? Have you ever regretted it?”

Doyle became serious, the shadow of a half-smile instantly vanished from his face.

“And do you think I have?”

“But why? Why did he leave after all you did for him?”

“I didn’t do it for him. I did it for us.”

Dumbfounded, Jon opened his mouth to say something but he couldn’t find the right words. Doyle’s eyes were blazing like two burning coals.

“You part with people you say you love so easily. Your girlfriend, your bandmates, your family. You give up before you even try to fight. You’ve said you sacrificed so much to get that far and now you’re turning your back to it. You’ve almost drown in the sea of self-pity, blind anger and despair. Yet, the vicious fate guides you to my house and after the whole night of talking, I know you understood nothing! You think I’m telling you stories to amuse you? No! If you think the whole world is here for your amusement, then you've come to the wrong man. Wrong crib!”

Jon’s first instinct was to explain himself but he couldn’t find an excuse good enough to refute Doyle’s arguments. He knew that what he’d already figured out didn’t match what he actually said out loud. He wriggled in his seat, expecting another well-deserved rebuke, suddenly weary of the whole talk.

“I remember a man who shared his words of wisdom with me once. He said love is an open wound. You’re going to get hurt and you will inflict pain on others. Yet, there’s no purpose in life if you don’t keep loving. It brings light even to the darkest of places. It transforms the barren world of dying hope into a place full of life. Don’t waste your time any longer. That's all you have left now.”

Jon rubbed his hands nervously.

“OK, it seems you have answers for everything. What shall I do now?”

“Don’t ask me. You already know the answer.”

“What do you mean?”

Doyle stood up, gave him a little dimpled grin and pointed to daylight pouring into the dark room through the round window.

“What can I say, I like your company and I enjoyed our chat. But the only way is going back home, Jon.”

Jon followed and extended his arm to shake Doyle’s hand but the other vampire just pulled him in a brotherly embrace.

“We’re almost the same human age. We’re almost in the same situation. I do think we both needed to meet. I’ve never believed in coincidences.”

Jon felt blush creeping up on his cheeks.

“It sounds more like a therapy to me but thank you for everything. I’m forever indebted to you. And I’m sorry for staying here for the whole night, I didn’t mean to take that long. I believe… I know all you’ve told me is true, it’s just… I’m not easily convinced, the ever-present doubts always clouding my judgement, always making me question the most obvious of truths. I’ve always been a loner, a thinker. I would go out and sit there alone, wondering why God allows the world to be ravaged by evil….”

“And what if God is only a fantasy? Just like the demon realm?” Doyle smirked, unspoken challenge lingering in his words.

“Once I had to drink the human blood, all the doubts about that disappeared from my mind,” Jon scrunched his face as his jaws tightened in a silent distress.

“So you know that there are devils in heaven and angels in hell. We’re only responsible for what we’re doing. We’re only capable of love or hate and nothing else. What’s your choice, Jon?”


	36. The Longing

The silence was ringing in his ears like a funeral march, beating the rhythm to his breathing in and out. 

“I think you already know his name,” Jon said awkwardly. Even though Doyle told him a lot, he wasn’t ready to open that much to the other vampire, no matter how close he seemed. “By the way, the wine was superb, too. It kinda makes me not craving blood anymore.”

Doyle chuckled.

“Maybe because it was spiked with the true blood, my fellow blood-sucker,” a huge smirk appeared on Doyle’s face, a little twinkle in his eye when he said that.

Jon staggered, his eyes widening at the news.

“I thought you said you don’t need it anymore.”

Doyle kept grinning, his fangs slightly visible under the fleshy upper lip.

“I don’t but old habits die hard. I sometimes go hunting like it was in the good old days. You know, once in a while Mael and I shared a woman. It was more of a little kink than cheating, actually. Nobody pities the dead.”

“You’re sick and I thought you were quite normal for a vampire.”

“Sorry, gallows humor, goes with the job. And I beg to differ. No vampire is normal. Like ever. Same with humans. Everybody has dark side to them. Real love is what keeps you sane and true to yourself, though. You’ll get used to the abnormality of your species and learn to accept it and maybe even take some pleasure from being one of us one day. Anyway, you sure you’re still a rock star? You’re so freaking stiff I’m starting to believe you must have been feeding on a piece of lumber.”

“Oh, and you’re a 300-year-old wiseass, huh?”

“Don't bring up my age!”

They both laughed. The mood lightened and they could make a joke out of it, even though it was still rather morbid.

“Oh, before I go… I’ve been told vampires don’t die, unless they lose the will to live, but they do get punished. Alec is banned from Europe after he stood up to vampires of the higher rank and saved me. You told me Mael had to pay the price, too. Does it mean…?”

Doyle frowned, trying to get his thoughts in order.

“Perhaps you think we like hanging out on graveyards and crawling into sleazy lairs hidden in the depths of the caves? You couldn’t be further from the truth. One doesn’t become a recluse, cut off from all his friends, just because they choose to. There are many dungeons down there but let me tell you one thing. The biggest punishment is to walk your life alone. Vampires don’t differ much, if at all, from humans here.”

He paused for a moment.

“And Mael? He’ll be back one day once he sorts his things out. We never said farewell to each other, there was never a fight. Whatever made him leave, I know it’s temporary and it never broke our bond. Too many memories to bury them just like that. This world doesn't necessarily have to be a hopeless and rotten place, Jon, even if you’re fucking hurt or you don’t understand everything.”

Jon let the words sink in for a while.

“Doyle… seriously, man, thank you! I kind of suspected I would learn something once I came here but I never expected to completely change the trajectory of my life. I still have questions to ask and answers to find but at least now I know what I should next. There’s one person I need to talk to.” He caught that curious, slightly amused and even arch expression on Doyle’s face and couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction. “You surely went to great lengths to persuade me. It’s like you knew it from the start!”

“I didn’t. I just hoped you’d come to your senses. Good luck! “ He smiled and patted Jon’s shoulder before they walked down the corridor to the massive front door. “And thank you, too. In the last few hours I caught a glimpse of Mael and me, of the old us. We used to chat the night away and he used to question a lot of things in life, too. Just like you.”

Jon noticed how Doyle’s features softened and a sudden, intuitive realization passed straight through him. The idea of parallel lives weirded him out but he discarded it immediately. He reminded himself these were just little flashes of memory, little details that came to the fore and ignited something inside both of them. He realized it was the loneliness, deeper and scarier than either of them dared to admit.

And just before he crossed the door and stepped into the sunlight, which caused a slightly itching sensation to his skin, he turned to look at his companion one last time.

“He will be back, Doyle. I’m sure he will,” he cleared his throat. “And, well, I should be going now. See you around!”

Doyle was standing on the doorstep watching him go. The half-smile ghosted on his lips but his mind was nothing more than a bundle of thoughts. He so wanted to believe. Believe against reason and time.


	37. The New Beginning

Jon was sitting in the shade, sipping on his coffee and calculating the distance between New Orleans and New York. Normally, it would take him about twenty hours by car to get back to New Jersey. He already knew he was able to move much faster than any vehicle on the road but travelling in the broad daylight was out of question. He didn’t want to go back to Alec’s suite but he knew he had to kill the time somehow. It was early in the morning but the quaint streets of New Orleans were already crowded with people. He watched them bustle about running errands, occasionally stopping to chat with friends or vendors. Street musicians were playing their sad blues music, which added to the cacophony in his head. The multitude of forms and shapes, colours, sounds and smells disturbed his keen senses so badly he felt nauseous. He decided to get out of the city and the opportunity come his way right away. Two guys were arguing loudly, using their hands a lot and speaking in a language Jon didn’t know. He spotted an old Ford parked nearby with the door wide open and without thinking much, snuck into the car and tore off. One of them screamed out and tried to chase the car in vain, waving his arms and cursing loudly. 

Jon turned on the radio at the maximum volume and opened the window. The wind was blowing through his hair while he was singing along to some old Elvis song that was blasting from the radio. He couldn’t help grinning and his chest felt as if it was about to burst open with some inexplicable, wild joy. He was finally coming home.

***

“What does it mean he’s gone?”

Jon hoped he must have misheard her words. Richie’s mother was standing in the doorway looking at him kindly but with concern in her eyes.

“Richie told me he needed to leave for business, I believe. Are you having any problems, Jon? I know this band means so much to him.”

“Thank you but it’s just a temporary hiatus. I am really exhausted after the last tour. We all are. I thought we needed a little break. A few weeks maybe, that’s all.”

“And what about you two? Richie didn’t want to talk to me but I could see he was rather distracted. You know you can tell me everything. Please, come in. I’ve just baked an apple pie.”

Jon blinked, a little embarrassed.

“We’re good, really. And thank you for the invitation, Mrs Sambora, but I’m quite in a hurry right now. Maybe some other time,” he said hesitantly. “Do you know where he went or at least when he will be back? I was away myself and, as it happens, I need to talk to him. It’s pretty urgent.”

She just shook her head and lifted her hands helplessly.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know. He only told me it wouldn’t take long. I can give him a message in case he calls.”

_Jon, you’re hiding something. You both are._

“Thank you but it’s not necessary. I mean, I will wait,” Jon responded quickly, trying to hide his disappointment. “Good bye.”

On his way back home he changed his plans and decided to come over to Dave’s house instead. If he was lucky, perhaps he could see Tico at his place, too. 

***

“Jon! What are you doing here?”

David was gazing at him so intently that Jon thought that maybe he turned into a ghost or his vampire nature manifested itself. Oddly, the very thought amused him.

“I’m back. Listen, man, can I come in? Is Tico with you, perhaps?”

“Sure, come in. And no, I’m home alone. Folks are out.”

Jon walked through the door and followed David into the kitchen. They sat at the table and after a moment of awkward silence, Jon finally spoke, trying to sound casually.

“You know, I went to Richie’s place today but well, he’s out and his mother said he didn’t tell her anything specific. I thought that maybe you know something… like, you know, you talked or stuff.”

The keyboardist frowned.

“I haven’t seen him since we decided to go on a hiatus. I only talked to Tico twice on the phone but it’s been just a few days, no big deal, really. What’s so important? Have you changed your mind?”

Jon looked sideways at him, weighing his words carefully. Dave was a nosy fuck, after all.

“No, nothing important. I was just wondering. I was actually thinking a lot and I guess my decision to go on a hiatus was a bit hasty. I was really tired, had some problems, you know. Man, this band is too big to be left like that. This is not something we can afford to mishandle, is it?”

David nodded in agreement.

“You’re right but I must admit that, for a while, I thought we were going to call it quits. This tour was… there were some weird things happening there on the road, man. What happened to Alec? I still don’t get why he left.”

“I talked to him but the guy is out for sure. I actually fired the little fucker,” Jon screwed up his face. David cast him a questioning glance but he only shrugged. 

“Drugs. Pretty bad.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Yeah.”

“So now there’s four of us? Shall I break the news to Tico?”

“If you guys want to continue this journey with me, I’d be more than happy. You’re my brothers and I’m just an ungrateful asshole. I’m seriously thinking of firing the whole management and taking it over. They’re never going to stop this madness. We’ve been living out of a suitcase, always on the go and it’s so fucking easy to take it out on you all. I’m sorry, I wasn’t myself.”

David grinned and patted Jon on the arm.

“Wow, Jon, you surely had some serious thinking the last few days. Gimmie the address of your shrink, he’s good!”

Jon laughed.

“Man, you wouldn’t believe even if I told you. It’s some weird shit, my life,” he said and pursed his lips. “But first, I need to find Richie.”

David scratched his chin reflectively.

“You know what? Now that I think about it, Tico said he was on the phone with Rich the other day and he said something about going to an audition or playing in the studio, I’m not sure. Los Angeles most probably but I wouldn't swear on it.”

Jon grinned, already knowing what to do. He stood up and patted Dave’s shoulder.

“Thanks, man, but I really need to get going now. We’re in touch! See you!” 

David furrowed his eyebrows and gave him a funny look.

_Suspicious. What is he plotting this time?_

Once Jon got into his car and started the engine, he couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

_California. Holy shit, this is perfect._


	38. The Anticipation

As soon as the plane landed and Jon got off, he looked around at the people swarming at the airport. He was thinking to himself how crazy it all was but he didn't come this far to give up now. Clutching a small suitcase in one hand, he waved at the taxi driver waiting nearby. After almost an hour of sitting in traffic, the car pulled over to the side of the road directly in front of the hotel. He walked through the hotel lobby hoping nobody would recognize him. The last thing he wanted was to meet some overexcited fans throwing themselves at him. Luckily, it was pretty quiet and he got into his room in no time. Once inside, he flopped on the bed and rubbed his face.

"Fuck," he cursed under his breath. "Now what?"

He remembered how he found Alec without any directions and he knew it wasn’t just his luck or intuition. He happened to read some psychic stuff in a magazine where the author claimed that you needed personal objects of a person you wanted to win over or control, preferably things like hair, nail clippings, blood or bodily fluids as they were powerful energy links thought to be a form of the spiritual DNA. 

_Bullshit._

Suddenly, Doyle’s words echoed in his head.

_It’s not entirely from within. Somebody’s calling you. Somebody close to you._

Although it still felt kind of ridiculous to him, Jon decided to stifle the awkwardness and give it a try. Nothing was normal or reasonable anymore. He chuckled to himself.

_The longest trip ever!_

If there was ever a time to use his powers, it was right now. 

***

_If I can read minds, maybe I can communicate like that not only in the same room. Distance is nothing if it works like it does. Alec told me some people have that connection, some of them forever. Doyle sort of confirmed it. That makes two of them and it’s time to trust my gut feeling. It’s time to decode the mystery._

He tried to focus his mind but all he heard was just the white noise. As soon as he was ready to give up, the single sounds started to emerge and inverted the random frequency into words and pictures, some unknown power started pushing him in a direction that was taking shape. The images of streets and buildings, trees lining the pavements.

Excitement and fear mingled once he saw it all clearly but doubt still clouded his mind. Against all reason, it was happening and he decided that once it got dark, he was out on his way. 

_Hell, nothing to lose. What are you afraid of?_

***

When Jon saw the hotel, which he had pictured so clearly in his mind before and everything was exactly the same, he had to stop and take a deep breath. He looked up and read the name of it. 

“Hope it’s not Hotel California,” he chuckled to himself, trying to calm down but his heart was beating too fast. He knew he was about to make a life-changing decision and he was full of longing and dread. He’d prided himself on not needing anyone and now as it changed he started to feel the tinges of worry and pain. A little voice inside was telling him it didn’t make any sense and he should back off when there was still time but his bloodstream was already burning with ache and he knew it wasn’t just for blood. He needed to fill himself up with love he denied himself for too long.

 _Away, Satan!_ He gritted his teeth against the nagging thought and refused to let himself be overcome by darkness falling on his heart. His hand rested on a handle for a while before he pushed the door and entered the hotel. He spotted the receptionist and slowly walked towards the desk.

“Hello. I’m looking for this man,” he showed her a little note. “He asked me to wait here.”

“What’s your name, sir?”

“Johny Kidd.”

“Thank you. I’m calling him right away.”

While the receptionist called the room, Jon prayed Richie would answer the phone. And then got the hint and met him downstairs. The waiting was turning him into a nervous wreck, seconds never felt more like a lifetime than now. When Richie finally turned up, Jon almost laughed at his startled expression.

“What are you doing here, Jon?”

“Hi Rich. It’s been a while.”

“I thought you’d like to spend more time in New Orleans… or whatever place you wanted to go away. How did you find me?”

“But I’m back. And I finally put my skills to good use.”

Richie just he stood there and gaped at him in silent astonishment, trying to figure out what he meant.

“Let’s go to your room. I don’t want to talk here,” Jon nudged him towards the lift. “Which floor?” He asked impatiently, his finger already brushing over the buttons.

Richie hesitated for a second.

“Actually I was about to go out soon but if it’s important I can call them and put it off for tomorrow.”

Jon grabbed his arm and dug his nails into it, staring into those dark eyes with a burning intensity.

“There’s no tomorrow, Richie. And I’ve never been more scared in my life. Please, let’s go.”

The anxiety was palpable as they made their way to the hotel room, neither of them dared speak.


	39. The Answer

Once they got inside, Richie closed the door and turned to Jon.

“Jon, what’s going on here?” He tilted his head and squinted his eyes in confusion. “Tell me, what happened?” He grabbed his arms and shook him gently. “What the fuck chases you around the world?”

Jon winced.

“Rich, I’m sorry I’m bothering you, it’s just I can’t wait any longer. I came here all the way from New Orleans because… look, I’ve done lots of soul searching and now I know what I want, what I need. I mean…,” he stuttered and immediately hated himself for being so weak and vulnerable but he couldn’t help it. “I just need to know what’s on your mind. Already gathered you’ve made some plans.”

Richie nodded slowly and released his grip, taking a step back.

“It’s still sort of recent news, really. The day after you went away, I got a call to come over and jam a little. Since you said we needed a break and just left it hanging there, I figured out I just might go.” He locked eyes with Jon. “You’ve made it clear to me that you'd sacrifice your happiness or whatever by staying here and went off to God knows where to look for it. You can’t blame me for taking life as it comes. And if you want to know the truth, I thought there was nothing I could do so you would want to see me again. And you know what? I fucking cried the night we split up.”

“Richie…,” Jon choked up and lifted up his hand to touch him but Richie angrily swatted it away.

“I don’t want your pity. I’m just being honest with you.”

“Richie, please… I’m being honest with you, too,” he swallowed hard, feeling the tears welling up in his eyes. “I came after you because I’ve realized I can’t let you go no matter how corny it sounds. I was a selfish jerk. I foolishly thought I was shielding you all from the evil I become. I wanted to fix it on my own but then…, then it hit me you knew it all and understood way better than me. From the very beginning! You answered my question even before I asked it. I guess I was in denial, too focused on my own anger and suffering because…, because I fucking lost hope and my will to live! Rich, I wanted, I craved death! This is why I left for New Orleans to meet Alec!”

The pain was so overpowering that Jon couldn’t suppress his cry anymore. He staggered a bit as his legs buckled slightly and gasped when he felt strong arms around him.

“Jonny, it’s all OK now. You’re here. We’ll make it,” Richie whispered, running his long fingers through locks of auburn hair reassuringly. He felt Jon’s body trembling, the warmth of it long gone, and he had only one clear thought in his head. He looked at the quivering lips, tears shining in blue eyes and once again marveled at the beauty of the man crumbling in front of him.

“One is strong but only for so long. I don’t know what I would do if I were in your place but I’ll never say what you did was wrong or weak. I guess I’d run away and try to figure this out on my own, too. One thing is for sure. When fighting monsters, you yourself don’t become a monster. You’re still the man…, you’re still the man I fell in love once and never stopped loving.”

Jon was listening to this voice, shaking with raw emotion now, and was fully aware of how he’d almost made the biggest mistake of his life. He buried his head in the curve of Richie’s neck and held on tightly, relishing in the calming wave of his body heat seeping through his own cold skin and warming him up inside. He didn’t remember being so happy for a long time, not thinking of what’s left behind nor what’s waiting ahead, just being there. He smiled to himself and spontaneously kissed the neck pulsating with life he hoped he was about to taste, an exhilaration taking hold of him at the mere thought. He inhaled deeply because he knew it was the last time he had the chance to actually smell the human nature of the man who would be his companion for life. The excitement and the sadness blended into one because hello meant goodbye, too. He shook his head.

“What are you thinking about?” Jon heard soft words somewhere in his hair.

“I just wanted to know if you changed your mind,” he whispered, a tint of uncertainty clear in his voice but he felt the need to be one hundred per cent sure the other man agreed before they fell off the cliff into the abyss together. 

Richie pulled away a little so he could look at Jon’s face.

“You said I already answered your question.”

Jon stood still and just stared into those dark eyes until he found enough strength to say the words lying at the bottom of his soul for so long.

“Would you give me this day as if it was the last?”

Richie went quiet for a while and when he finally replied, Jon realized he had been holding his breath all that time. 

“Whatever it takes.”

“You know it means putting up with me forever? Are you sure you’re ready to spend several lifetimes together?” Jon laughed softly, gulping back sobs.

“You’re right. It’s pretty dark there. Maybe some advertising first? Like, dunno, being able to fly and get through walls? Finally reading your fucking mind?” Richie laughed back, trying to cage the overwhelming emotions building up inside his chest.

“You’re not easily convinced, are you?” Jon chuckled and patted Richie’s arm but the lump in his throat wouldn’t go away. “I’ve had time to think things over. I already talked to Dave. I want the band together again. Just four of us because Alec… he had to go. Not after what he’d done. I want some other changes, too. Thinking of firing Doc and the likes and taking it over. But it’s nothing, just nothing if you have nobody to share it with. I’ve been told only the lucky ones have a life companion and you…, you are the only person I could think of. I just don’t want you to sacrifice so much. Girls, family, everything.”

Jon’s voice cracked as he hung his head and his hair obscured his face. Richie lifted his chin up lightly and smiled.

“You know I don’t need any of this. Tits or no tits, you idiot. I fucking want you. It’s yes. Yes! Now you can marry me.” 

They burst into a half laugh, half sob. Jon sniffed and stroked Richie’s face, unable to say a word, just gently brushed the dimpled cheek with his fingertips. Richie got a little closer and hesitated just for a split second before leaning into a kiss. Tentatively at first, but then pushed his tongue past the slightly parted lips. Jon pressed up against him and a little gasp left his mouth, sounding more like a relief than anything else.

_Oh God, I missed you._


	40. I Love You

Jon was out on the balcony, staring ahead and thinking intensely as the night was closing in, its deep blackness had already blunted the sharp edges of the faraway mountains. The countless city lights were illuminating the streets still bustling with life, hundreds of people hurrying up to God knows where; a light breeze coming in from the ocean was whistling through the trees lining the pavements and singing some ancient song that sounded oddly familiar. A cigarette stub was burning his fingers but he didn’t feel it. Richie was waiting for him inside, they somehow needed some time on their own. They both made the decision but the doubts were still there. Or maybe it was just fear. Stepping into the dark that was the future that lay before them like a novel just waiting to be written. 

_There’s no ‘undo’ to this story._

Jon sighed heavily and went back to the room. He saw Richie sitting at the table with his head down, his dinner barely touched.

“You’re not hungry?”

It was more a statement than a question since Jon knew exactly what Richie was thinking. He realized his best friend was going through the very same stages he’d been before and the heart-wrenching memory of the blind despair that almost crippled him bit back twice as hard. He clenched his jaw unknowingly.

“It’s OK. It will taste just as good, if not better,” he smiled at the guitarist, who jerked his head to look at him with a startled expression on his face. “Want some more wine?”

Not waiting for an answer he reached for the already half empty bottle and poured the red liquid into the glasses. He sat down beside Richie and handled one to him.

“Let’s celebrate,” he said and raised his glass in a toast. “To life!”

They took a big gulp and just stared at each other for a while. Suddenly, Jon laughed and shook his head. 

“ It doesn’t feel like celebrating anything. It’s more like funeral,” he snorted and looked down, oddly amused. “But it’s just one person’s doom. The other still has a choice.”

“Oh, just shut up. You’re giving me hell and we haven’t even started yet.”

Jon turned his eyes to him with a quizzical look.

“I was just thinking. Fucking thinking! But no, you already know what’s going on in my fucking head. I made my decision and I’m not going back! It’s just I’m wondering…,” he hesitated. “It’s exciting and it’s fucking scary at the same time to be honest but man, it’s the waiting for it that’s really killing me.”

A faint smile came back to Jon’s face at his words.

“So you’re dying to meet me on the other side?”

Richie pursed his lips and grabbed Jon’s arm, his eyebrows knitted in a little frown.

“Before I’m sent to hell and back,” he stared into Jon’s eyes and then his mouth extended into a shy grin. “I’d love to down some more wine. A bottle would do. Or five.”

They both laughed out loud.

“Man, it’s even worse than when I got laid for the first time,” he glanced at Jon. “Or you and I…you know,” he smiled almost sheepishly, never feeling more like an idiot than now.

Jon cocked his head and raised his eyebrow.

“Can’t believe it’s about sex now.”

“It’s not. It’s just…, since you said it’s more like a funeral…,” Richie cleared his throat, trying to hide a flicker of a smirk that chased across the corners of his lips. “If anyone at my funeral has a long face, I'll never speak to him again.”

"You do have a knack for defusing a situation," Jon laughed loudly. Richie noticed his white skin glowed like there was a light inside him and much to his own relief, laughter and drink did as much to dispel the darkening gloom.

“And speaking of sex, it’s been ages since I slept with anybody,” his voice trailed off a moment, then he took a deep breath. “I’ve missed you.”

Jon’s blue eyes widened as he looked at him but he said nothing so Richie continued.

“Since you told me about what Alec did to you back in Paris I couldn’t think of anything else, trying to wrap my mind around the new reality, trying to help you,” he sighed. “And suddenly everything became secondary. I know it sounds crazy but I had to almost lose you to realize I love you. I was kind of afraid you would just let it go and walk away. It took you a little more time…, well, you never said it out loud, anyway.”

Jon reached out to stroke Richie’s cheek with his palm and looked straight into those burning dark eyes. A thousand thoughts went through his mind but what actually left his mouth was all he needed to say.

“I love you.”

Their lips crashed in an urgent kiss, Jon’s hands gripped on the lush dark curls to hold him even tighter, then made their way down to touch the sensitive nipples peaking under the thin fabric. Richie mirrored his ministrations, pulling up Jon’s T-shirt and then pulling his own off over his head. The only music that played in the room were their soft moans and pants that filled the air and made them oblivious to the world around them. Richie groaned when he found himself falling back against the back of the sofa as Jon climbed up onto his lap; the way their hips touched left nothing to imagination.

Richie cupped Jon’s ass to pull him even closer but after a while, the younger man squirmed uncomfortably, the friction between his legs began to send a chilling feeling through his body.

“Get out of those fucking jeans,” he grunted and climbed off of him so he was now sitting next to him. He bit his lower lip and shot looks to Richie, who was looking at him with a wild grin.

“Guess you’re not nervous anymore,” he chuckled, a fleeting twinkle in those dark dilated pupils being all the answer he needed. He jerked his head towards the bedroom door that was slightly ajar.

“Let’s make use of that king-size bed.”


	41. Happy Birthday

Soon their naked bodies were tangled in the sheets, sweat-soaked hair was sticking to their faces but all they could think of was how their tongues danced in sync; the way their cocks rubbed against each other till they got so worked out they couldn’t contain all the sexual tension that had been growing in them for the last few weeks anymore and came one after another, their pent-up guilty passion staining the warm skin.

“It feels so good,” Jon breathed against Richie as he was lying beside him in semi-darkness, lazily brushing a stray strand of his lover’s hair away from his face. “It feels so good to be with you.”

Richie smiled and drew closer to kiss him briefly.

“You said eternity?”

“Forever and a day,” he chuckled. “I think I have an idea for a song.”

Richie groaned.

“Don’t tell me it’s _Ballad of Jon and Richie Ono. ”_

They laughed so hard their eyes started to tear.

“You silly, how am I gonna put up with you for so long?” Jon wrinkled his nose, feigning displeasure at the prospect of their shared future.

Richie gave him a small smile but his eyes got the serious look again. He clenched his jaw, his heart fluttered like a caged bird in his chest.

“I almost forgot you gotta kill me first,” he said quietly with a little tremble in his voice.

The smile froze on Jon’s face. He grabbed Richie’s hand and held it tightly, not breaking his gaze.

“I wish I didn’t have to do this. Please, forgive me because it’s going to hurt like hell. I wish it was me instead of you.”

Richie managed only a weak smile and a nod before tilting his head to expose his carotid artery. Jon couldn’t help but shiver at this sign of submission and vulnerability. He drew closer and nuzzled his head in the crook of his neck, embracing the other man’s body so he was lying partly atop him. When he felt that Richie’s heartbeat slowed, he shifted a bit so he wasn’t too heavy on him and started by lightly trailing his fingers over his chest up his neck, taking in the sight of smooth, bare skin trembling under his fingertips. 

_You’re beautiful._

When he finally pressed his lips to the throbbing vein in a gentle kiss, he could feel his own excitement building up inside him. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth, letting his fangs graze the soft spot where the vein bulged fiercely. When his teeth finally sank into his neck, it was almost a relief. The fragrant smell of blood made so him dizzy with arousal he barely noticed a hiss of pain that left Richie’s mouth. He extended his arm over Richie’s chest and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze but the man couldn’t hold back another whimper, the pain of life force leaving him becoming unbearable. Tears pooled in the corners of his eyes and silently fell down his cheeks, empty veins burned with unquenchable fire. Jon was holding on Richie for dear life, way too tight, but the other man didn’t feel it, becoming more and more oblivious to what was happening to him, his senses numbed so much only pain could be his last companion. 

Jon squeezed his eyes shut, disgusted with himself. Pleasure was ripping him apart, while his better half was dying in his arms, giving all he could give, so he himself could feel again. He was kind of expecting Richie to say no, to stop that insanity as he struggled to control himself not to drain everything at once, but not a single word was uttered. Shivers passed through the withering body beneath him while he was gasping for air until suddenly everything stopped. Jon raised his head a little, still feeling the high of having drunk the most exquisite blood in his short supernatural life, his body responding to that treat with the most orgasmic reaction he had ever experienced, almost exploding with the ecstasy of being fully satisfied. 

“Richie?”

When there was no response Jon looked up and saw a deathly pale face with glazed look in his eyes, beads of sweat like pearls shone on his forehead. His breath hitched at the sight.

“Richie?”

It was more like a whine than a question. He shook Richie’s seemingly lifeless body as to wake him but nothing happened. Nothing that he expected. He certainly didn’t expect him to pass away so quickly and so silently.

_So we die for real._

His chest tightened and he gathered all his strength so as not to panic. When he noticed the slightest little move of Richie’s lips, he clung to his mouth and tasted his life that was fading away. Unshed tears pricked his eyelids as he cradled him in his arms.

“Love you, baby. Hang on, I’m right with you.”

When Richie’s eyes fluttered open and he looked up at him, Jon knew he had to hurry up. He slit his wrist with a knife that was sitting on the bedside table and put the bleeding wound to the hungry lips.

_Blood on blood, my love._

Now it was his turn to feel the burning pain as the wonderful light was leaving him, giving back to the man who was the one who made him complete, no matter the cost.

His blood was dripping down Richie’s chin as he was hungrily drinking from him, both hands gripping his forearm. Jon thought nothing made sense, there was nothing beautiful or romantic about it, yet he never felt more loved and more loving.

_Who would have thought that love so belated could save me and bring me back to you?_

He stroked the damp hair and moved his wrist away, the wound already healed.

“It’s enough,” he whispered and kissed the parched lips, the sweet scent of blood still lingering in the room.

“It’s so cold!” Richie’s breath was wheezing out now, his body shivering uncontrollably.

“It will feel like a really bad hangover for a while but it’s over now. I’ll be there for you when you fully wake up and I will tell you everything and so much more. We have forever,” Jon said with a faint smile and hugged him.

“Happy birthday.”


	42. Epilogue

Jon was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking blankly at the crumpled sheets, illuminated by the morning sunshine streaming through half-drawn curtains and onto the empty space next to him. It’d been a few hours since Richie went out in a hurry, hunger stronger than his will or fear, but to him it felt like it’d already been a lifetime.

That was the beginning and the end of it; he had no energy for afterthoughts. The act was done and it was too late to back out. Not that he wanted to change anything; it was their mutual decision to go through hell and back. Though reconciled to his fate now, he couldn’t help but shudder at the memory of the bloody gash on Richie’s neck and his self-inflicted pain of giving back. The metallic smell was still lingering in the room.

Suddenly, Jon picked up the silent footsteps coming up the stairs and he knew that Richie was coming back. He straightened up, tensely watching the other man ease the door open and step in. Richie stopped in his tracks as if he was surprised to find Jon waiting for him. He winced and angrily brushed his hair away from his sweaty face; Jon almost felt the physical pain when he noticed distress clouding his brown eyes. He was well aware that the first hunt would be extremely difficult and although his whole body ached to hold him, he had to leave him alone. Richie slowly walked to the adjoining room, closing the door behind without saying a single word.

Jon hung his head down and let out a heavy sigh. Nobody said it would be easy and patience definitely wasn’t his forte but he had to give Richie some time to settle into their new reality. He just didn’t know how long he’d be able to handle the pressure. He’d waited long enough and couldn’t be more ready.

***

“Do you feel any better?” Jon asked tentatively, keeping a close eye on his companion. They were sitting in the hotel longue, having a drink, but it seemed no amount of alcohol was able to make either of them relax enough. 

“I don’t know. Guess so,” Richie wriggled uncomfortably in his seat. “But it was definitely a good idea not to ask you too many questions before the…,” he trailed off and looked down at the table.

“Can we talk about it now?” Jon insisted, trying to sound as calm as possible. “Look at me. Please.”

Reluctantly, Richie raised his head up and met his gaze.

“It’s no fun talking about that shit and you know that, Jon,” Richie twisted his mouth in a wry smile. “You can’t expect me to say that nothing would make me happier than to raise a glass to my new life,” he clenched his jaw. “At least not yet.”

Jon grabbed Richie’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

“I don’t expect anything, Rich. I just want us to communicate. I know it’s been only a couple of days and I should give you space but it’s like I’m losing you and I…,” he swallowed hard. “I’m starting to lose my fucking mind,” his voice cracked a little. “I’d hate to see things going this way.”

“You want me to share some gory moments with you?” Richie asked in a mocking tone and arched his eyebrows. “Don’t know what’s more disgusting: getting off on a dying body or talking about it.”

Jon narrowed his eyes at him and moved his face closer so they were just inches apart, the breath warm on the other man’s cheek.

“I want so much more. You wouldn’t believe how much. I want to share my fucking life with you,” he replied in a hushed tone, failing miserably to keep the annoyance out of his voice. “Is this our ‘happily ever after’?”

He moved away, blinking his eyes a few times as the mixture of anger and frustration was flowing through him.

“See, I’m fucking killing them, too, but every time you feed, the stolen blood makes it easier to let go. And one day it will change. We won’t need it anymore,” he frowned and pursed his lips, trying to find the right words. “You don't understand what's happening here because you don’t know as much as I do but I need you to trust me.”

_I just need to reopen that line of communication between us._

They stared unseeingly at each other, blind to everything except their own thoughts.

“What do I have to do for you to believe me?” Jon finally asked, pain etched on his face. “Does the horror of being the creature you’ve become because of me makes you regret it all? Or hate me now?”

“What the hell are you talking about, Jon?” Richie let out a gasp of surprise as if Jon’s question broke him out of his trance. “It’s not that I wasn’t aware of the risk. I've been with you this whole time, remember? It’s not even about you,” he rubbed his forehead, trying to break the eye contact and gather his thoughts. “It’s that I didn’t know I’d be this wracked with guilt and that it wouldn’t get any easier to calm the storm inside when you go out and kill again and again. But I never stopped trusting you. I’m just trying to make it work,” he shook his head. “But it’s still confusing as hell.”

Jon was looking at the face he’d known for years, so familiar and so strange at the same time. He noticed the paleness, the long fangs barely hidden under an upper lip, the sharp gleam to his eyes, and a wave of emotions warmed up the blood in his swollen veins. He reached out and cupped Richie’s cheek, stroking it with his thumb.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry. There are things in life you never seem to get ready for, no matter how hard you try. But I do remember how I hurt you while trying to save you from the pain… and now it gives me this weird sense of déjà vu, like I’m in that bad, bad dream again and just can’t wake up. Maybe this is the only way to deal with it, maybe that’s the dying man’s last breath before it begins again. Hell, the only thing I know it almost killed me for real and I’m not going to sit back and do nothing.”

Richie gave a short laugh and looked at him curiously.

“Well, that's an interesting choice of words. Those poor guys just die for real. No one is going to say: ‘Cut’ and the life goes on. That’s what’s really shitty. I know it’s a bumpy ride, no doubt, but I want to believe it’s the one that's set in the right direction. I just want to take the wheel and steer it into something more beautiful. Something that will make it all worthwhile. Just like our music has always come from a pure place…,” he paused, his voice slightly trembling. "You are the one who helps me to go through this dark time and I want you to know that I love you.”

Jon was staring back into those shiny eyes and felt a warm glow inside. Those three words echoed through his heart and dispelled that suffocating sense of helplessness that had been consuming him for days. He couldn’t help feeling a little anxious, though. Their future was a narrow path in the forest, the thick fog before them, and it was thrilling and terrifying at the same time. He hated not knowing what is out there but the knowledge that Richie was here with him seemed natural and reassuring, like the way things should be. He found Richie’s hand again and squeezed it gently.

“I love you, too.”

The mutual understanding that was deeper than any words sparkled in the dark eyes when Richie put his other hand on top of Jon’s. Their spiritual connection was so strong Jon couldn’t fully understand it but he knew the emotional intimacy they shared was something not everybody was lucky enough to have; like a rare gem he had to protect it. Treasuring the moment of realization was one thing but then, there was a life to live – for centuries – and so much to discover. He shifted in his seat.

“We’re going to New Orleans.”

“New Orleans?” Richie laughed incredulously. “I thought you were done with that shit.”

“Well, I want you to meet somebody.”

Richie raised his eyebrows inquisitively. Jon looked around and when he noticed they were momentarily alone, he grinned and swiftly shortened the distance between them, pressing his lips to Richie’s mouth in a quick peck, and then kissed his jawline till he reached his ear.

“Waiting seems like eternity, huh?” He whispered and felt Richie’s cheek raise into a smile. “Let’s go.”


End file.
